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Survived the skid vacay, but barely

TrueNorth77's picture

Last I wrote, I was knee-deep in skid vacation hell, due to my SO's constant coddling and seeming need to entertain SD10 and SS13 almost every minute of the day, and skids inability to entertain themselves, which resulted in no alone time for us. Which was even more frustrating given that we had literally spent months researching resorts that had a teen and kids club so that (in my SO's words), skids could "have something else to do so we could do our own thing and not have them with us every minute". But when the time actually came, his daddy guilt reared its ugly head and he felt bad encouraging SS especially to go to the teen club, since SS had decided he "didn't really like it". SS doesn't want to make friends. He wants to be by his dad or on his phone, or by a PS4, that's it. I could have called this. Since the Teen club didn't have a PS4 (it did have other video game systems and lots of other stuff), SS wasn't interested. So my SO literally spent hours a day playing catch with skids in the pool. I did a lot of reading, drinking, making new friends, and tanning. I actually did have a good time. To be fair, my SO isn't normally this much of a Disney dad, (although he does spoil skids sometimes) he just had these super high expectations for this vacation.  

By day 4 or 5 I couldn't keep quiet anymore, and calmly told him that he was spending his entire vacation coddling skids and feeling like he had to be entertaining them every minute of the day. I said I'd been watching, and no other parent was playing catch in the pool for hours at a time. 10 minutes tops, then they were off to drink while their kids played with each other. I said, you see SD looking even slightly bored and you are jumping to offer to make sand castles or look for shells, when just prior to that you wouldn't look for shells with us. Him: "I wanted to do those things".  I said, No you did not. You wanted nothing to do with it when we were doing them, you only did it because you felt like she was bored and you had to entertain her and you are terrified they aren't having a good time on this trip. They are 10 and 13, you should not be their sole entertainment. Tell them to go play with each other! I mean, isn't that half the point of having 2 kids? I said, you specifically said you wanted time for us too, and we picked a resort with a teen and kids club- sometimes kids need encouragement to go do things on their own, so tell them to go! He got a little huffy and pouted for a bit, but actually told SS to go to the teen club the next day (he still didn't go), and encouraged SD to go to the kids club (she gladly went). SS stayed in the room for a while so my SO and I got some adult pool time, and he even refrained from inviting SD on our walk on the beach the next morning. I think around the time that both skids broke items in the gift shop and my SO lost it on them, he started rethinking this magical family vacation. 

Sometime during the trip, my SO also started this fun new thing where every time he would jokingly wrestle with me in the pool, or make this face he makes at me, he would immediately turn to skids and do the exact same to them. As if he had to give us each the same amount of attention. (This has never been a thing before, and it kept up during the flights home also). FFS. This better only be a vacation thing.  *dash1*

The silver lining to it all is that HE said he is a bit "Mexico'd out" for a while, and that we will not be doing a trip like this again with skids...If we go to Mexico again, it will just be him and I. Any skids trips will be much shorter and only to places with plenty of activities. Which is fantastic, because I would rather eat nails than put myself through that mess again, but at least I don't have to be the one to say it.     

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Gads. Sounds like mini Hell in what should have been Paradise. Too bad you didn't go do your own thing every time Daddeee had to cater to the poor wittle tykes. 

SS wouldn't go to the teen club... When Dad told us kids to do something, NOT doing it was NOT an option. The Age of Entitlement and Spoiled Kids is sucky!

TrueNorth77's picture

Oh Aniki you're telling me! SS really is a good kid, but he is clingy lately and I wanted to throttle him for not going to that effing teen club, and every time he would ask my SO to throw the ball after he had already done it for hours. You are NOT A DOG. It took every ounce of willpower not to scream at my SO, make him go to the effing Teen club!!! Once he was there he would probably have fun, he was just being lazy and clingy. 

After the first 2 times of ball-throwing in the pool, I did what I wanted every time and stopped participating altogether. I didn't throw one more ball that whole trip and I read 2 whole books while lounging in the sun, drank all the drinks, and generally just relaxed. The one thing the coddling interfered with was mingling- the pool dynamics were such that it was lots of couples together and it was sometimes hard to meet people. I felt silly by myself for long periods of time because sometimes no one would talk to me, which is why I finally spoke up about the constant coddling and tried to reclaim my SO for some periods of time. When it was both of us, we were social butterflies. Alone, I apparently looked like somewhat of a creeper, or a husband-stealer?  *unknw*   

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Your SO's "new fun thing" would be a major turnoff. The skids are now your equal? Goodbye, sexy time... *bad*

TrueNorth77's picture

Complete turnoff. It's absolutely ridiculous. Skids are with Crazy this week, thank God, but when they come back that "new fun thing" better have passed, because we do not need equal affection, and when I've heard of other SO's doing this same thing I have always been thankful mine has not. He better not plan on making it a habit after 4 years. 

Siemprematahari's picture

After that hellish vacation with the step kids I don't think I'd EVER go away with them again and SO would know it. I'd be damned if I'm in a beautiful island and some how still spent it alone because SO is coddling his kids 24/7.

Hope next vacation is just you both and that you enjoy yourself and his company.

TrueNorth77's picture

Next several vacays are just him and I, including our destination wedding. Skids trip won't be in the future for quite a while, and when it does happen it's going to be 3 or 4 nights, tops, with a full itinerary.  

advice.only2's picture

God that's awful! SD lived with us full time so we were stuck taking her with on every vacation. DH never did the Disney Coddling though, instead he would push Spawn off on me and then ditch so he could go do whatever he wanted!

SMto2's picture

I know how you feel. There is nothing worse that feeling you wasted hard-earned money and precious time on a vacation with people who made you miserable! I've had quite a few miserable vacations with my SKs. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I can offer sympathy! I can add that we've been to several all-inclusive resorts with our bios, and my youngest DS HATED the Kids' Club! At one resort, he preferred to hang around with DH and me at the pool designated specifically for our suites wtih special drink and food service, etc. We did convince him to go a couple hours a morning or a couple hours in the afternoon, but not much more. They bill it as a family vacation where there's something for everyone and the adults have time together, but it's not always like that. My bios have never demanded my DH play in the pool with them the entire time. That would bug me, too. I also can't understand why they can't pass the ball together, but I'd say it indicates your DH wanted to do what he did.