New custody! Just kidding.
Today is the first day of our new 50/50 custody agreement! Skids go by their mom for the whole week instead of staying by us until Thursday like usual! Happy day! Except, guess who is currently at my home, and not at Crazy’s? Ding ding ding! Skids! This dumb box has already managed to ruin what was supposed to be the first blissful, skid-free week. We had them all last week. She wanted 50/50 soooo bad, because “my kids”. They agreed to it last week in mediation, including it starting today. It’s in writing! I overheard her FaceTiming with SD10 Fri night, saying “guess what baby girl! (This is what she calls her and it makes me want to vomit every time), you and SS come by me on Monday and stay for like 18 days!”.
The very next morning my SO calls me to tell me he got a message from her saying we could keep skids until we leave for our vacation on Thursday. What in the actual f*ck? My SO is all “well, this way our time will be even and we won’t hVe to make it up later on (by taking extra days), and I have to work 7pm -7am but they just entertain themselves so whatever”. Ok SO, this is not just “whatever”. This is no privacy for me. This is skids asking “what’s for dinner?” (Not that I have to cook, but they make a mess either way). This is extra messes. Competing for his attention the 2 mins I see him in passing. Answering skid questions. It isn’t just “whatever”, but he has convinced himself that when the skids are with me I am essentially a warm body in the house that does absolutely nothing for them. It’s true to an extent, but I also treat them kindly and they don’t just ignore me. It is something. And I was already excited for my nights alone. He was also worried he may have to pay extra child support somehow, which I think is a bit paranoid...it’s just a few days of her having them more than what child support is figured for. Anyway, we agreed on only keeping them til Wed morning so we could have Wed night to get ready for our trip. It’s just a mind f*ck for me, plus she had just told SD they were coming by her on Monday!
On another note, SD told me last night that her favorite thing about being by her mom’s is that her mom lays in bed with her a lot and watches TV *eye roll*. That’s because she literally has no other interests, unless you include smoking and serial-dating. And that her favorite thing about being by us is that we just try to have a good week without bashing her mom.
That’s because we’re not evil gremlins, SD.
2 more nights with skids and then it’s off to Italy with my SO for 12 blissful skid-free nights!
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It’s a blessing I disguise
the extra days now are better off with you enjoying your time when you get back and have time to relax as well. I know to endure them is no fun. Unless when you come back bm makes an excuse and you get stuck with them then it’ll be hell but until then enjoy your future thoughts off skid free days.
It probably is better than
It probably is better than having an extra 3 days sprung on us later at a random time. But When we get back, we are taking them the next 12 NIGHTS to make up for the rest of the time she took them. It’s so long!!!! This will be the longest we’ve ever had them! We should have just had his parents watch them on our days while we were gone!
I get it. The kids may be old
I get it. The kids may be old enough to fend for themselves but that doesnt mean you want them around. I go in my room and DH calls and says SS11 called and asked if you're ok. Yes Im ok, i just want to be alone away from YOUR kids. And just because your daddeeeee serves you your every meal doesnt mean I do. If I do decide to make something it will not be served on a platter to a 12 & 11year old. Get a plate and help yourself. I even hate when the SDs 20 & 17 are home. Just their presence leaves a weight on my shoulders. I guess being in a house that doesnt feel like mine because I moved in with them weighs on me. I even tried decorating to my liking but the skids ruin things or complain about them.
I feel you! I feel so guilty
I feel you! I feel so guilty even feeling this way, because skids were actually super good and did their chores without me having to tell them, oohed and Ahhed over the green beans I made of all things (SS usually has to be forced to eat them, tonight he went back for more and said he couldn’t stop eating them)...they are great kids, I just love my space, and they always add stress to the dynamic.
I felt the same way when I moved into the house my SO had lived in with his ex and skids. I decorated too, but still Not my place. We just bought a house and I’m finally feeling like it’s my home. If skids ruined stuff here I may actually strangle them...they know not to touch stuff!
I mean...care to share your
I mean...care to share your green bean recipe? *smile*
Lol- “SG’s famous green beans
Lol- “SG’s famous green beans”: heat Olive oil in a frying pan, add beans, sprinkle with pepper and garlic salt (we like salt so I go pretty liberal on the garlic salt). Sauté on Med, but keep em crispy. That’s it! The fam loves them!
aaaaaaggggghhh.. I would be
aaaaaaggggghhh.. I would be irritated. When I am planning a trip out of town.. I need my private "head space".. to get ready.. organize.. pack.. remember to remember stuff etc... I would be pissed too.
Totally! I had 2 nights on my
Totally! I had 2 nights on my own planned while my SO worked, leisurely packing and no one in my space. Had to completely adjust mentally.
Now that she has 50/50 on
Now that she has 50/50 on paper, and she feels like she's "won", watch how fast she dumps the kids on you for even more time than you had them before. Especially if your SO was ordered to pay CS.
He should just stick to the schedule.
Agreed. We should have never
Agreed. We should have never even offered them to her on our days to begin with. There is no right of first refusal, they could have easily stayed with my SO’s parents, and he usually just ends up regretting offering her that time anyway. She immediately turns it on us, saying he “always has her take the kids” when we go on vacations. Ok, in 2 years, he has offered her extra days, but also said his parents will take them. He’s just trying to be nice and knows they would rather be with her. It always ends badly, and now I’m afraid a precedent has been set that will just cause conflict. Not worth it.
Do you have a back-up plan if
Do you have a back-up plan if she goes MIA on Thursday?
Yep
Those skids would get dropped off at SO’s parents so fast they wouldn’t know what hit them.
I think you need to have a
I think you need to have a conversation with him that he runs these things by you before agreeing to anything. Switch ups like this can get very irritating when sprung on you without warning, the least he could do is talk to you about it and get your input, first. Because I doubt this will be the only time BM does this.
Well, he actually did call me
Well, he actually did call me to run it by me before he responded to her. And every fiber in my being was screaming "NOOOOO!!", but also, it seemed like at some point we would be waiting for her to throw the skids at us to make up for the remaining time we "owed" for her taking them while we are on vacay. We agreed on keeping them til Wed. morning instead of Thursday morning at least. I know if I had completely said no it would have been a fight and "you hate the kids", and we would have just ended up taking skids some other time so it all would have been for nothing, which is why I just went with it. I'm HOPING she doesn't try this stunt again, and only did it because it was somewhat on the table (the fact that we "owed" her a few days for her taking them while we are on vacay). Because switching just to switch is a big no. And it's not like she ever goes on vacation or anything, so she has no reason for us to take them ever...