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$30 Beanies, $20 Socks, $1K Rims....but no job and can't help with school

step off already's picture

BM claims she has no job. She also buys SS crap all the time and likes to make sure he knows how much things cost, however she won't pitch in for his schooling or even fill out financial aid forms for him to attend private HS.

So, since she's not willing to help him get into the private HS he'd like to attend, she's been encouraging him to join the service instead. Now, i'm all for people joining the service. My exh became a Marine after HS and it truly straightened him up, he got to see the world, have many adventures and serve his country.

My problem is that BM does not have a single person in her family that was in the service. And she is trying to steer SS away from college simply because she doesn't want to pay.

SS was bringing it up again last night and we asked if this was his idea or his mom's and he said it was his mom's. He doesn't want to be in the water (navy), he doesn't want to be in the air (airforce) and he doesn't want to fight on the ground...he doesn't know what he wants, he's almost 14 and is just listening to his mom's advice.

I took the time to explain to him that he will have many more opportunities in life if he starts with his education. If all he wants to do is travel, he can be an exchange student during college. I also suggested that he get his career advice and life advice from people that actually have a career and a life (although I didn't say it quite like that).

SS totally got it. DH thanked me this morning for speaking with him.

I don't understand what this woman's problem is. DH and I are providing SS with opportunities that BM never had. DH wants SS to have a better job than he chose (DH is a contractor).

blah. that is all

happy Valentine's day

Comments

step off already's picture

Totally agree. My exH joined the Marines in the 90s and it totally straightened him out.

DH doesn't want SS going to the military, but it would def give the kid a wake up call about the world.

step off already's picture

I'm guessing you meant to say that I am bordering on cruel but I'd have to disagree.

SS is the one that talks to us about what he wants to do. When he stopped doing his HW about a week after BM told him she refused to do the paperwork and we saw his grades drop about a month later, we told him it pretty much guaranteed that we wouldn't be paying for his private school. Up to that point I had been getting him applications, speaking to schools about payment discounts, etc. After that last discussion, private school hasn't been discussed.

He understands that HS is basically up to him to sink or swim. He can use the time to find things that interest him or he can goof around. His choice.

He is the one that brings up the future to ME. He knows that I'm the one in the family with a good job as I'm the one that went to college. SS wants to be the first grandchild to complete college - his words.

FTMandSM's picture

Don't you know that's BMs money not her sons....at least that is what our BM told us. Apparently, SD3, has her "own" money and BM has her own. I guess the child support checks need to be made out to SD instead on BM. Oh and SD has more money than all of us. IDK how, did she get a job? LOL!

LOve the suggestion!! "he get his career advice and life advice from people that actually have a career and a life" (although I didn't say it quite like that).

B22S22's picture

He's 14 for heaven's sake.

What 14 year old KNOWS what s/he wants to do for the rest of his/her life?

Granted, maybe there are some out there who do, but I'm guessing the majority do not.

He needs to talk to people from all careers he may be interested in so he can ask some questions and get some straight answers.

Actually, I feel badly for him that his mom is already "pushing" for a military career if he himself is not sure of something like that.

step off already's picture

Exactly. I tell him to think about all the things he likes doing for fun: drama, video games, visiting new places, walking at the lake - and imagine if he took the time to learn more about these thigns and he could build a life around doing all the things he loves to do.

I explain to him that this is what college is - you can take classes that teach you how to be a newscaster and you can be on the college radio or write in the college newspaper or be in plays or learn why walking is good for your body...

Willow2010's picture

He is 13...he will change his mind 20 times before her settles on something.

If he is still unsure at 17...then I would seriously consider guiding him toward the navy. It is a really easy branch...they are almost guaranteed not to see combat.....and they will pay for his college while he is in the navy or after he gets out. Not a bad deal.

Jsmom's picture

You should have him take a foreign language. SS15 is year 2 with German and doing the exchange thing this summer. Costing us next to nothing for him to go to Germany for 3 weeks this summer. Apparently, not that many do German, so the German govt. subsidizes most of the trip. It is costing us about 500 incl. airfare. So cheap and he will get to see a country that he wants to see.

I have no problem with him going into the military, but avoiding college is not a good reason. My dad was Navy and he definitely traveled. He loved the life and was career military. It gave our family a lifestyle that we never would have had without him joining.