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Starstruck724's picture

I took SS to eye appointment, I paid for appointment and purchased his glasses his dad is a fucking asshole and since that day has done nothing but disrespect me and mentally manipulated me to think I am the one holding his sons glasses from you! Mind you if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have had an appointment not would he have glasses ordered because his dad has zero income. I told his dad I will be happy to give them to him once he pays the bill in full considering time and time again I dole out money for things and he never pays me back now in my opinion his dad is not doing his part in turn his son is not getting his glasses in his opinion I am being a selfish bitch and punishing his son... Obviously this is the short version of what has gone down but based on this who is hurting his son... Him or myself???


WTF...REALLY's picture

Both. Sounds like the dad is a loser.

Kid needs glasses to see, so if you got them already, just give the kid the glasses.

Might be time to move on from this relationship.

luchay's picture

Could be read either way - I took it to mean the glasses were ordered but not in yet? OR need paying for before they are picked up?

But then I can also see in there that OP has the glasses and won't hand them over til dad pays her back?

I got nothing. Give the kid his glasses and leave his POS father?

Starstruck724's picture

Thanks for the input.. Yes I continue to make excuses trying to fix. Our shit relationship for our child we mutually have... I feel bad for his son about the glasses but honestly if it weren't for me he wouldn't even have had an appointment I am just sick of putting out and dealing with the consequences when I get nothing in return and at this point his own mother and father don't give a fuck nor do they want to pay for his needs then why should I ??? Does that make sense

cant win for losin's picture

"nor do they want to pay for his needs then why should i?"

Umm, then dont.

You cant keep volunteeringly pay for something and then get pissed when some one wont pay you back.

His actions shouldnt surprise you, so stop creating your own problems.

Starstruck724's picture

I'm literally falling apart and feel like I am losing my mind dealing with a. 31 year old man who literally doesn't give two shits about our six year relationship he will throw in the towel and move on no problem please give me the strength to move on and not allow this man to manipulate me to feel guilty and to keep him around... I have lost my sanity, my happiness and my self worth and I used to be so strong... Please give me the strength to find myself and move on without guilt or resentment and the power to let my step kids go even though it's going to hurt us both! I can't change their dad and I can't continue to sacrafice myself in hopes it gets better!!

Starstruck724's picture

I'm not passively aggressively holding them more so expecting his dad to do what's right and that's to take care of his sons needs not expect me to do it... I took him to help my DH and he has turned it on me that I am not doing what I should for his son if that makes sense

notsurehowtodeal's picture

For god's sake - give the kid his glasses. You are being mean by not giving them to him when he needs them. I wear glasses and would be lost without them. He should not pay for his Dad's mistakes.

As to all the other problems - it seems pretty clear your DH is not going to change. Make a decision. If you decide to leave, make a plan. Not sure what your relationship with him is like. If he is prone to violence, figure out how to keep yourself safe. Women's shelters are a great source of info.

You sound totally stressed. Is there anyway you could see a therapist for a few times to try and get yourself thinking straight?

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

I look at it as you already paid for the glasses, so you should give them to the kid since there's no way of recouping that money and the kid needs them. If the dad already had a history of pulling this kind of crap then don't make/take the child to appointments and make the dad be responsible for his own child.

Willow2010's picture

who is hurting his son... Him or myself???
At this moment you you you you! Give the kid his glasses and get you some counseling. You are neglecting a small child in hopes of sticking to your DH. Bad form.

Starstruck724's picture

Actually the reason I was holding them is because they can be returned and I would feel bad for his son but he is 10 years old and has been neglected by his own parents for years. DH paid for the glasses not in full but part and I am glad to say I was able to get SS what he needs and not be walked over by DH using me... We are separating and I couldn't feel more relieved... The only reason I was holding them was to get what DH should have been taking care of himself all along. Happy to say I will NEVER do a blended family again, I would rather die alone then put up with shit like this ever again!! Here's to a new chapter!

hereiam's picture

Might be time to move on from this relationship.

Might be? No, it's time.

You know he has zero income, stop supporting him and his son.

Starstruck724's picture

Thanks for everyone advise and opinions ... Yes it is time to move on! Hard to admit you have failed in a long relationship but I can't deal with all of this anymore and the more and more I talk with people I realize things are what they are they never really change if only it was easy to close one chapter to start another ... Getting my sanity and happiness back will hopefully fill this awful feeling of loss and disappointment! He claims he is a guy and no matter what or who I am with it will be no different but I have hope that's not the case and at this point I would rather be alone the rest of my life then do this again and again because we have two totally different concepts of what a family and a relationship is. Hoping I make it through this storm and I can't wait for it all to just be over !