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Erotically daddy obsessed SD

standmyground's picture

Hi there,

             I am recently thinking of reinstating a romantic relationship with a man that I had previously left (we were engaged) because of his daughters creepy daddy obsessed behavior and general disregard and rudeness towards me. Im also thinking if I do get back with him I could be locked in a relationship I dont want with the SD acting up again and causing me more post traumatic stress.

      When We first met I was excited that he had a daughter. I have three grown Daughters of my own and would have really embraced the situation if she had been decent and had let me.

The daughter is an only child, spoilt, who demands 100 % rule over her father; numerous texts daily, phonecalls to daddy about trivial stuff that she needs daddy to boost her ego about, texts and calls bad mouthing her bio mother if she tels her she cant do or have something so she gets her enabling father to come to the rescue or swapping to dads house so she can do what she wants and rule the roost there as an adult.  There are shopping trips with daddy whenever she wants, friends over whenever she wants, disneyland dad syndrome. She also holds the schools record for being in trouble, disruptive and rude.

                She was cold to me at the start. Didn't engage or put herself out for a conversation if I tried to chat. I would get a one liner back , if that, then ignored. Even if I had come over sunday night , aftter they had spent the whole weekend together, she would pout and complain to daddy that she wanted to watch television with him and it was still her day with him so she demanded I sat in the other room while they watch television untill she watched programs, layed all over daddy , chatted about herself and she was ready to do something else. This happened quite a few times and it lasted for hours. She was fourteen then.

When they came back from an overseas holiday together and he had an engagement ring for me she was enraged. She refused to talk to me, tried to hang all over her dad and butt in if we were talking together whilst not acnowledging me. She started giving me filthy looks, screwing up her face at me and even when her father said to say hello to me she turned he back and walked away. She didn't want me coming over and she didn't want me taking time with her dad if it meant he wasn't on call to be her admirer, driver, atm or enabeler of all.

I think she has been raised to be a narcissist. Life has always been about her coming first, being told she can do anything and if she upset its always the other persons fault. Dad created a monster.

   She also has a vommity erotic relationship with her father. She walks around in front of him in a g string, with her ass on show which makes me very uncomfortable. When I'm not there he lets it happen but tells her to cover up when i am there which sends her mixed messages; that she can be totally inapropriate when shese alone with her dad and friends but she gets hassled to be normal and cover up when i'm there. 

My son came over once. She walked out in a g string (thong) bikini, got in the pool, pushed her breasts together and up and turned her bare ass to the camera and asked daddy to take photos of her for instagram. He did. My son said it was uncomfortable to watch, he wanted to leave and unsee what he saw.

                                                             Delibrately demanding she talked to him whenever we went tout to disturb our peace with constant phone calls and texts, I started complaining. He started turning his phone off. It would be better if he explains to her that it is annoying and tell her to stop it. She would bash around in the kitchen and talk to dad even if we were in bed at 11 pm to disturb us. The bedroom is off the kitchen so we can hear her. One night she opened and slammed to cuttlery draw constantly, that was the last straw. I had heart pulpitations and ended the relationship.

She met my kids once and refused to talk to them, whined all evening and toldher dad she hated being with the party and my kids and wanted to go home. He sent her home after ruining the evening for us.

I got out of that relationship because she was so horrid I couldn't look at her horrid screwed up face anymore, also her dad started to disgust me for parenting her like that.  But I miss him when he isnt with her being a narcissists pawn, all his fault, he made her that way .I have started seeing him when she is not there but can't commit to anything serious considering the past.

 

I shouldn't go back to this , should I ? ....even if he is sweet in other ways. He said she is over it now, I have not seen her in at least six months, Butwhen I started seeing him recently when she is not there, she found out ,she texts him saying if he sees me, she will never see him again. I saw a letter from her last stepmother saying she left because of her, that he would never stick up for her and the narcissistic daughter pulled faces lied and never helped around the house and she wasnt alowed to say anything.

Im not a prude but would anyone else like seeing their step daughters bare ass walse around the house? . Also when she got her period at 14 she told  her dad, : daddy, I put a tampon in for the first time ! I was disturbed when he told me. They are not sexual. She is just creepily erotic with him.

 

Comments

grace8205's picture

Don’t do it! I will just end the same as last time. You broke up for a reason and the reason is still there and the issues are too. 

I think you do know all of this.

SecondNoMore's picture

If it’s real, it should be a ‘no’ to going back to this. It’s hard for me to understand how their dynamic wouldn’t turn you off to the point of no return. 

standmyground's picture

Yes, your both right. I cant stand looking at her . He wants us to go to counciling and has booked a visit . I am feeling like its a waste. I have told him about how it makes me feel and that I dont like his daughter at all after how she treated me. Her ugly face pulls and erotic crap. He seems to ignore it and pretend its normal and their just close. I dont think it's normal at all . He says he asks her to cover up (only when im there im sure) but she "does what she does". She came over un announced and  I was hiding in the bedroom, i peeped through the door, she had a g string on, marking her teritory as the emotional partner again as he mentioned I was there. I got out of the house without seeing her. He is funny and loving and says he is willing to try to have a life with me, but his daughter, and them together have such a relationship I cant bare to watch again. 

Winterglow's picture

I'm not following this ... How old is she? She actually moved out? And if she just came over to see Daddy, why did she strip down to her G-string? Couild you be a bit clearer about this please?

standmyground's picture

sheis now nearly sixteen, she used to  floating between the two houses, bio and dad's. She , for the first time the last school term ,lived with mum during the week to lift her grades up. Schools choice. The weekends and when she has a fight with her mum she goes to her dads. These school hollidays her mum went away for 7 of the eight weeks. She has the last week with dad but her mum said (according to her) that she wasnt allowed friends over to sleep (obviously because of mis behavior) so she has run back to dads. Also thinking I might be seeing him again she wants to be over to get rid of me again as she did before. I dont know when the g string thing of dad started but pretty quickly after I started going over there she wore it in front of dad and smirked at me. Its summer and hot so she wants to roam in front of her dad like that. She wants to be on the level of his partner so being half dressed in front of us shows us that. She doesnt strip down to it, she walks out of her bedroom like that. She also has been alowed to go to the beach since fourteen with a thong bikini. She loves the attention. He said other of her friends can wear them to the beach. Im horrified that older men are looking at these young girls. Not all parents let their daughters walk around like that. My daughters never needed that for their self esteem . Do you think thong bikinis are alright for the beach for a fourteen year old?

Winterglow's picture

My opinion of thong bikinis is irrelevant. What I want to know is, knowing what you know and feeling the way you feel, why on EARTH would you want to go back into all this?

standmyground's picture

Has anyone else had a partners teen do this ? Dress like this ? Would you tell your own father if you put in a tampon?. I wouldn't have! If my ex had seen any of his girls get around like that he would have grounded them for months and screamed blue murder for walking in front of him like that. My dad would have as well.

Forevertired's picture

They have a very unhealthy relationship. I say go to the counselling and tell the  counsellor everything, the dad needs help, he needs to realise it’s far from normal. If he can’t see it and change after a couple of sessions then run run run! 

standmyground's picture

yes, but ive heard some councillors are pro stepmom and others are pro teen.  I don't know what he has picked as a councillor. Yes, he needs to change the dinamics for her own good. On some level Id like to just leave them to it as payback for what ive been through. Let her wreck all of his relationships and he can cop it for being so much a pushover and alowing the disgusting behavior.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You are not the one who needs counseling. This offer of couples counseling is just a red herring; a way to get you back without addressing the core issue: his sick, enmeshed relationship with his damaged daughter.

Has your ex had any individual counseling since you left? Gotten his daughter professional help?? Taken a parenting class? I bet I already know the answer.

He is sick, and he and his daughter should be attending therapy, individual therapy, to work on ending the emotional incest that defines their unhealthy relationship. Unless/until he does the work, he's just damaged goods hoping to find an adult female to meet the one need his daughter can't. 

You left him, which is what any woman of good sense would do. Now learn your lesson and put him in your past where he belongs.

 

 

Kes's picture

You said at one point in your post "Dad created a monster" - would you really want a relationship with the creator of such a monster?   If you do get back with him, for heaven sake keep your own place, don't move in with him.  

standmyground's picture

I dont want a life with her in my house. Good advice, I wouldn't buy a place with him. I'm keeping my own.

Monkeysee's picture

Walking around in a g-string in front of her dad? And he thinks this is normal? What is wrong with these men???

It’s a big NOPE from me, you’ll just end up with more of the same, where you’re constantly in ‘competition’ with the daughter & daddeeeee thinks it’s totally ok. Not worth it, you deserve better & you can’t fix them.

StepUltimate's picture

This is really really extra-sickening. If you won't trust what your own guts are telling you, at least respect your son enough to never go bsck. 

Dude, he's already had at least two women leave him because of the twisted relationship, lack of healthy boundaries, and refusal to parent his daughter.... what makes doing this again appeal to you? 

The very definition of insanity is this: doing the same thing over & over but expecting different results. 

If you're honest with yourself, you'll walk away from this unchanging scene. Peace to you.

standmyground's picture

I shouldn't have started seeing him again, Its mucking us both around. I have to stop this. Maybe I will tell the councillor how uncomfortable I am and not comitted and leave it at that . When she hears of how non comitted I am she will tell him to find someone else. But at least his daughter will be dragged into therapy and to be told their activities are off. Hopefully the councillor won't just think they are a "modern family". 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Quit waffling already. He's sleeping with you because that's the only need his daughter isn't fulfilling.

There is zero reason for you to see a counselor with this guy! He's the one who needs help, not you. This is not a couples issue, but rather a manipulation tactic. If he truly wanted to get healthy, he'd already be seeing a therapist to help him develop skills and strategies to draw healthy boundaries with his daughter.

This guy is a cake eater who is looking for a way to have it all. He wants to keep you around for adult companionship and sex, while continuing his sick dance with his sick daughter. Who, btw, will be a sick Other Lover in his life forever. He's damaged and stunted her in ways that will ensure she remains a huge part of his life for the rest of his days.

You're not the first woman who's  posted a story about enmeshment on this site. We see it over and over. Just tell him you're through, block him, and move forward. If therapy still interests you, find a personal therapist who can work with you to build up your self esteem and figure out why you were drawn to such a toxic dynamic.

standmyground's picture

exjuliemcoy,

                 I wasn't drawn to this dynamic. I never knew this kind of behaviour existed. If we did ever live together and his daughter wanted to move in I know it would do me in . I'm moving to another state in 3 weeks. I love my new house and want it to be a settled place with only NORMAL kids living there. He was willing to fly upoften If I wanted a relationship.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

This presents a perfect time to end things.

Learn from this relationship. Learn to stand up for yourself, to not tolerate behavior that runs counter to your own code, and to judge by actions rather than words. Be choosy, and take care of yourself.

Winterglow's picture

Moving away is the perfect opportunity to start with a clean slate. New job, new home, new friends. Why string him along when you can find someone who truly suits you? For sex? That's all he has to offer. Is that all you want in a man? I bet it isn't! Smile So take advantage of this move and wave him goodbye. 

Life holds so much more for you.

standmyground's picture

monkeysee, I think some men are proud of their daughters non appropriate dress  and I'm not sure why? ...they don't realise its very "off" for others to see them together like that and they don't want to upset their little home grown narcissist ? For the controll freak daddies girls its marking their territory to show they are no 1 erotic partner so their is no room for a SM .  its strait out boundry issues as well.

Monkeysee's picture

It’s disgusting & highly inappropriate. You can’t fix them girl, your best bet at a happy life is far far away from this mess. Princess won’t take kindly to some counsellor telling her & daddeeee this behaviour is wrong either. Have a read through some of the adult forums on here, this kind of behaviour will follow the pair of them even after she gets married & has her own kids. Not worth it!

standmyground's picture

Monkeysee,

Iv'e started to read other posts and I can see that lots of these entitled daddies girls NEVER change. it horrifies me what some Step Moms endure.

standmyground's picture

Oh, my son likes him, didn't like that scene, but they played music together. All my kids think his daughter is a crude creepy brat.They think he should not be so enabling of her behavior . My daughter is a psycologist and she said unless single daughters of divorced dads are shown the normal parental and family hirachy they can be used to being daddy's decision maker and no 1.then they will always want to rule the house and god help anyone else. There not used to having a mum with their dad ruling the roost and standing as a couple and them being the child accepting orders from the parents as a united front. 

Healyourslf's picture

May you air your grievances and get enough feedback on here about this incestually-driven, sexually-charged daddy-daughter duo to LEAVE THIS IDIOT ASAP.  You've already experienced the emotional see saw and cut it off because you KNOW it's not going to last. 

MIss teen thong and daddy dipshit are not going to change their game because of you. If change was possible/probable then there wouldn't already be a couple of ex GFs who underwent the same dysfunctional game-playing. Don't give them the satisfaction.

The issue will continue to escalate as the teen gets older. The incestual energy is brazen. Something about his sexual energy is distorted and don't be surprised to find out that you (and all his other ex GFs) are merely an outlet that is socially acceptable. (Ask your psychologist daughter about this.) A grown woman in a relationship should NEVER have to hide from a jealous teen. Do you SEE this behavior for what it is? It's as if though he is cheating on HER with YOU. YOU are the "other" woman.  Some part of him enjoys feeding this warped behavior. 

Normal fathers see their teen in a thong and say things like..."put some damn clothes on OR you better not be wearing that in public."  (And most teens, although they may dress risky will not strut it in front of their fathers...they'll wait to change in the car).  Decent, concerned fathers are protective and respectful of their daughter's sexually maturing bodies and minds. This guy is only playing the "good dad" role when you are around to appease your discomfort. He is silently advocating her sexually provocative behavior.  

Aside from what everyone else has already posted....what part of you wants to stay remotely invested in such a relationship?  Be honest with yourself.

standmyground's picture

hi promiscuous queen,

                                   My daughter has a degree in psychology but hasn't worked in the field. She never tells me what to do as far as who to see or not. She feels the daughter is a gross spoilt brat and said to me that im too passive. She said to dish it back to her, and she said she could councill the girl but because im her mother she would probably tear her down. I don't think she believes in disengaging whith a bratty teen.She thinks they are aware and responsible for their own behavior .She believes to get the dads permission and go full out war with the dad on MY side backing me up while I do it ! Then she can see her dad is enabling me to be the controller , woman of the house and he is standing with me. But if his rules change when im not there, which they do, there is no hope. 

Forevertired's picture

Leave & call your version of social services/child protection, it’s the only way they’d change. Just report them for possible incest explaining their relationship and your concerns. Let the government workers explain this isn’t normal. Save the next woman for this crap! 

marblefawn's picture

The answer to your question is in your own post. "He says she's over it now." But later you write that SD threatened not to see him if he sees you again.

Right here is your problem: he's telling you something that clearly is not the truth. Look at the evidence, not what he's telling you. He either doesn't see her as she is or he's hoping you won't see her as she is. Either way, what she is is what you're in for.

As they say when you're lost at sea on a tiny raft...pray to god, but row for the shore. Have your fun with him, but keep looking for a better man because this relationship is open water and your rickety raft has already made this trip once.

I've been down the road of weirdo erotica between dad and daughter. (I remember SD's red thongs left on daddy's bathroom floor after her showers.) It may lessen, but the SD hostility and drama won't. That is who SD is. If you don't like her that way, there's only one way to avoid her.

standmyground's picture

Marblefawn, you had the gross thong thing as well ! Are you still in the relationship?. Yep, Im getting out of this. Did the sleazy thong thing upset you as much? Did you bring it up with your partner? Did he deal with it?

standmyground's picture

Read more posts again from this site. Really aware now that it will NOT stop. Im too upset to go through another round. im thankfull for others oppinion. i think I was too lazy to date again.

bananaseedo's picture

At this extreme I'd say it won't change.  That said, some DO come around with proper boundaries placed by dad or when they start having their own lives.  SD was ultra creepy/enmeshed also and ages 10-14 were the toughest.  She did outgrow it and has her ow boyfriend/life and is hell of a lot more proper around DH and I.  But BOY did we have some struggles.  Difference is when I pointed stuff out he'd recognize it as wrong and try to cut the behavior out and created boundaries.  Wasn't an easy road.  And your daughter is right..it's easy for single dads to get into this role w/their daughters-they need a clear example of couple/united front.  

In an intact home MOM teaches proper behavior to her daughter around her father, brothers, uncles- about being modest, covering up, etc....but if a stepmom dares try she is crucified for meddling, being jealous of a 'child' and a bunch of other nonsense.  Intact homes mom corrects this all the time.  I think your case is way too extreme though I'd run for the hills and never look back.

 

standmyground's picture

Hi Bannanaseedo,

                             yes, she sickens me and the enabling part of him sickens me. Whenever she pulls a face her little triangular eyes and potato nose and gummy rabbit smile would screw up and make her look worse than she does normally and I would have loved to have taken a photo of her face to show her what it actully looks like when she is being a downright bitch.(she an't no picture) Regardless, I would have loved her and been so nice to her if she hadn't treated me so badly. Looks are totally irrelivant.  I take it you were living together so he had to keep the dicipline constant. Does she call and skype him alot when he is not there ?

standmyground's picture

Thank you all for answering me. I have felt better now knowing im not the only one who finds this behavior totally undesirable. I willnever go back to being his girlfriend and have told him for a while now, since I had started seeing him that I was just a "friend with benifits". I will opt out from that.

I might see the councillor with him , just once, so he can be told about correct behavior and leave the situation hopefully a little better.

This is a great place to come and find like minded wommen . I know this situation with all the "Emeshment" will in the long run cause them both their karma if they dont stop . I hope the mums with step kids like this end up with all the support they need as it can truly cause so much emotional trauma to live through.