SD ruins our 18 th Wedding Anniversary
I had planned a really nice meal for us to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary only to be told that now SD her baby and husband would be with us so I decided to include them. Over lunch she took exception to something I said to her and then manipulated my husband to meet her in another part of restaurant where she pulled the quicked stepmother trick crying in Daddy's arms ...she's 30 !
when I walked up to them and a asked her what the matter was she told me 'this isn't the time or place for this conversation (controlling the Situation ) so I pressed her .apparently she'd had to put up with my rude remarks all over the weekend and then she twisted her expression and told me she'd had to share her Dad with me for most of her life and how awful that was .
Her Dad is afraid of upsetting Princess H he will never back me and I'm sure she will have gone home loving the fact she has put a wedge between us .
if I knew then what I know now I would never have started this relationship ...I have bent over backwards to make her welcome bought her beautiful things decorated her bedroom ( yes she still has one in our home at the age of 30) .I was effectively airbrushed from her wedding last year so much so that friends thought I wasn't there . I'm on eggshells every time she's in my home .
im done trying to please her and if I never see her again it would be a pleasure.
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Gross.
My DH celebrates his parents' marriage because they are both his parents and their marriage led to his birth.
There is no reason an unfriendly skid should be joining your romatic evening. This was deliberate, premeditated sabotage.
Next time, if she tries to tag along, opt out. See how much DH enjoys a romantic evening with just her.
My husband told me for our 4th wedding anniversary weekend
Getaway that skids were coming because ss20 had messaged daddy to book a holiday for him and his sisters (meaning full sisters, not me or our 2 toddler kids together)
i lost it with my husband and told him off how messed up he was to even think it was acceptable to have 3 skids who have done nothing but shun us, be disrespectful/rude, not respect our privacy and boundaries and sd's would non stop every outing and visit rant on about biomum and stepdad.
i asked hubby how he thought that was acceptable and why on earth i would want people like that at our wedding anniversary weekend getaway??
your sd is sulking about having to share daddy and she's 30. She should have been working towards independence from her teens upwards. Her relationship with daddy doesn't replace the intimate sexual relationship he has with his wife or partner, it doesn't come close.
the fact she thought it appropriate to invite herself to your anniversary dinner or be there with her husband and kid and not be respectful civil and celebrate your marriage speaks volumes and shows what a petty selfish bit*h she is. She knew it was your anniversary dinner and had the only plan and intention to ruin it.
until your husband is forced to grow some balls and cut this crap nonsense out, there is no hope anything will change.
Wow 0 boundaries or respect
Wow 0 boundaries or respect for you
1. She invited herself
2. She had an emotional outburst and made a scene during your event
3. She asked for your spouse to take sides which he did
4. She is confused about roles. You dont have to share your father with his wife because you arent married to your father, you are his daughter and thats a completely different bond and relationship that a wife doesnt have with her husband
Weird how steps tried to make spouses feel bad for being married to their parents....
You are spot on
What sd did is force daddy to choose his allegiance between his wife on their 18th wedding anniversary or his daughter, op husband chose his daughter on their anniversary
its the typical skid forcing daddy to choose his first family because they have some twisted view of a relationship woth their dad, this is the starting of a miniwife type thing
I have been there with a SD
I have been there with a SD and SSs.....They wanted to act like adults in the home and mini spouses to their dads and I was the child lol. Strangely they also act like mini spouses to their mothers
Idk why this happens. OSS told me that he comes first in my husbands life and I can never replace him....he was 16yo when he said that lol
As if I wanted to be my own husbands son and envied him for that lol
Lol.
My husband was forced to in early 2020 tell his eldest daughter who was 24 that she would always be his daughter but she needed to remember i am his wife and the mother to our 2 kids (not her) so she needs to remember her place in the familial hierarchy.
she sulked big time but there is no way my husband saw me tolerating sd thinking she could mummy and lecture me or answer me back constantly when she lacked any real world life skills
Just
Daddeeeyyyyy gets no bedroom time until he does an about face with his mini wife
Exactly and no other marital
Exactly and no other marital perks either until he realizes who is actualy his wife and what her role is. I'd also insist on a proper wedding anniversary to make up for the crappy one he served up to you. Lay it out for him that his babies have no place in a romantic evening between husband and wife and that you are hugely disappointed with him and totally turned off by the way he thinks his daughter has any place in your marriage.
This is what i told my husband on our 4th wedding anniversary
Where he actually told me skids were coming (sd22.5, ss19, sd13.5).
i firmly told him no and if he ever wanted to insert his manly bits in me ever again or want sexual intimacy, this shi*show would be the quickest way to a divorce for him
I'm not sure the
I'm not sure the circumstances as to why they "had to be with you".. that day.. are they staying with you? living with you temporarily?
Because as adults.. I don't see why they needed to be included in your ANNIVERSARY dinner???? Hate to say it.. unless you had a wonderful close relationship prior to this.. there is zero.. and I mean zero reason why you should have felt any obligation to include a toxic stepchild.. their spouse and BABY on what should have been a romantic night out celebrating with your husband of almost 20 years!!!
Oh.. we will be out tonight for our anniversary.. help yourself to the frozen pizzas in the freezer.. whatever.. daddy could leave her money for takeout if he is so inclined.. and she and her husband could have enjoyed a nice night together.
But.. hopefully this is a lesson learned.. when valentine's day rollls around.. if she happens to be visiting... she can make her own plans with her own husband.
I mean.. come on.. she had a baby with them too? there is zero way that a baby along on an anniversary dinner would have been fun either..
again.. why on earth?? why did you feel you had to invite her?
Oh yuck. I feel your pain.
Oh yuck. I feel your pain. Good for you for taking control of the situation and for making her spell out what her crying fit was actually about. This whole bs about SM taking daddy away from their kids is really getting old.
I agree that it was pure sabotage. She had no intention of celebrating YOUR happy day, because clearly she is NOT Happy about it your marriage! She wanted to leave her mark, and now she's left one. You need to spell this out for your DH so he understands that she had an ulterior motive in attending, and that was to stick it to you. If she plans on uprooting your relationship ever so often, you two need to be on the same page so that you are prepared to deal with her, and not at the expense of your marriage.
I'm stuck on the fact she
I'm stuck on the fact she still had a bedroom at your home. Indication of a DH problem...? I'd cut out contact with your SD and focus on discussions with your husband and what your boundaries are. And stop any claim she has on that room.
If your husband needs to be
If your husband needs to be convinced that she doesn't need a room, tell him that by maintaining it as her room, you are suggesting that sooner or later she will leave her husband and come running home ... In other words, by keeping a room for her, you are actively undermining her marriage. Make sure you have a purpose for the room lined up in case he hesitates. Arts and crafts room? Workshop? A no-screens, i.e. a reading and listening to music room? A gym?
I know!!! MY Sd turned 18 3
I know!!! MY Sd turned 18 3 months ago and I have already redecorated the hall bathroom (the one she uses) to what I like and made a couple little changes to her bedroom. Basically I am going to slowly transition it from "her' room to a guest room. She is sleeping here less and less and keeps very few clothes here. Surprisingly DH has not fought me on this so far.
Right?!? There's issues here,
Right?!?
There's issues here, both deep and old. OP needs to stop letting these twisted people dictate how her life goes. It's NOT normal to include adult kids on a romantic occasion.
Amazing you made it 18 years
Amazing you made it 18 years with an SD like that.
Her behavior was appalling. I'm sure a psychiatrist with have a field day with her because there is definitely a lot of things going on. Why even show up at a restaurant if she was that distraught? She just wanted to create a scene and that's what she got.
I agree with the other poster that said that you are owed a redo anniversary dinner one that is just you and your husband and not any hangers on.
There would be no way that she would have a room in my house If she is grown married and has her own kids. That bedroom would not be known as anything other than a guest room.
Good Gawd
Let the emotionally incestuous duo have eachother as you ride off into the sunset with the biggest smile on your face.
Dang not only would I disengage from the warped SD , DH would go as well.
Of course SD turned your anniversary into being about her, cause it is. DH enables it.
You can do better hun.
18th wedding anniversary
Dear Stepdrama 2020 ....I think you may have hit the nail on the head as he is defo the enabler In all of this x
Would you explain WHY dh's
Would you explain WHY dh's adult daughter and her child had to celebrate your 18th Wedding Anniversary?
Learn to say NO.
Hey, but IF you do not have a problem with it, then what ever works, right?
I would consider this more
I would consider this more "DH ruined our 18th wedding anniversary". He should have told SD "NO". The End.
Bravo on confronting them at the restaurant. Keep up the great
work.
Zero tolerance and immediate confrontation using the facts is the way to crap these POS failed family breeding experiments and their failed parents in a hole and keep them there.
Let DH know that no longer will there be any side bar conversations in public and no longer will you tolerate his failed adult child's manipulative bullshit. Be direct. Tell DH that he either gets his balls out of his little precious's purse, or he will have another failed marriage on his hands because you will not remain married to an emasculated failed man, failed father, and failed partner. Make sure he knows that you are watching and also that you will have his back to keep his mini wife in her place.
Lather... rinse.... repeat.