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Has anyone seen the new Dr. Phil column in Oprah?

spitfire99's picture

Just got the new issue of Oprah. In Dr. Phil's column, a letter was submitted by the 2nd wife about the SD who does not acknowledge her...very interesting answer. SD did not include 2nd wife on her wedding invitation...Dr. Phil said husband should stand up to SD & make her respect SM & the marriage. SD doesn't have to like SM, but needs to respect her..put the responsibility on DAD!!! Glad to hear it!!! Even provides a script to d/w husband. Good read!

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spitfire99's picture

I really don't have any answers for the problem. I've been living with the same old situation for years with my husband & his adult children. Never was I invited to their weddings and he did not stick up for me or even think it was strange & I sobbed like an idiot when he left for the weddings, but I refused to go on principle alone, he has co-signed mortgages for Skids homes behind my back (we even paid their mortgage payments when they were late to maintain our credit!) and to this day, I continuely deal with the EX. We can't visit the grandkids without her constant companionship & watchful eye. If I had an resolution to this problem I would write a book & make millions. But it comes down to 3 words-the biological father!! (I am obviously speaking only to SM and their situation) He holds the keys & the ability to end all of our hell but the big "G" word prevents him~GUILT!!!!! My husband's EX cheated on him...he is/was not a saint, but he was clearly not guilty of destroying the marriage~while he served our country, she screwed around with his Captain(junior officer to him at the time). He feels remarkably guilty about the divorce (she asked for it) and for her "plight"..unemployed by choice, fat & destitute..she blew the divorce settlement on a BMW & condo on the beach. Well, the BMW fell apart after years of no maintenence and the condo was re-possessed for non-payment. Guess that happens when you don't work!! So her kids support her and give Dad the evil eye and blame him for her situation. They don't know she cheated on him & she has "hoodwinked" them into believing he was the jerk and left her with nothing. We (husband & I) have worked our butts off and dh is now retired...I'm still working as an RN. We travel, live in a nice home & lead a nice life. All the Skids see is our lifestyle & their mother's lack of a life or income. But she has not been cheated of anything...all we have is a result of our hard work & efforts. I put myself through school as a single parent with no alimony & a "pittance" for child support. All while working 2 jobs & trying to be a good Mom. I received "goose eggs" in my divorce..no settlement. (I did this prior to meeting/marrying my current husband). The EX had more opportunities than I ever had, but she did nothing with them. I'm beginning to believe the only revenge for this hell we live in is to choose to be happy. We (the SMom's) need to take care of ourselves as NO ONE will ever do that for us. The husbands & BF's are so damn conflicted about the women & kids in their life, they don't know which way to turn. And, if it's not their EX or kids, it's their mother. So, I return to my mantra, take care of yourself and do what you have to do to preserve your sanity. Believe in yourself & don't suppress your feelings. There will be good & bad days...but we get to exercise our agency by choosing how we respond to the situation. If these kids & EX's get into our heads, they win...but how can you help it when they continually get up in your face? I have no answers...but to survive, I have had to distance myself emotionally from the situation. It has created a chasm in our marriage that will never be filled, but I try daily to forgive and go on. I am fortunate to say the daily BS is behind me, I'm not dealing with custody issues or everyother weekend issues. All I can say is Good Luck & know you have sisters here to love & support you!! I may sound like an old bitter woman..I'm not, I'm just truthful & realistic...I've invested too much to leave & I do love him. 29 days out of 30, life is now sane for us..but every visit or phone call with the kids causes old feelings & memories to re-surface. Again, I'm working really hard to learn to forgive & forget.