After a particularly frustrating weekend a month ago of head-smacking moments with DH and his son, I had an epiphany of sorts. My anger and frustration at SS16 is directly related to the amount of sand DH's head is buried under.

For the last 6 months, I have been working on my disengagement. I'm pretty good at it, except where something directly affects me. That's when I can go off the rails. For example, I have no problem at all not caring in the slightest whether SS16 does his homework or spends every night at his girlfriend's - EXCEPT when it means my husband won't hold him to the same standards we have for my BS regarding the privilege of driving. Then I feel a volcanic eruption inside. He can fail, never do homework and have no responsibility but STILL you expect me to be fine with him driving a car I own and pay for??? He can lie to you (yes, dear hubby, an omission and making things up is still a lie) and I'm supposed to be okay that you change our plans to accommodate him??? AFFECTS ME = no fricking way!

I fully admit I had never noticed the correlation. I searched out an article on hate, and it talked about hatred as simply feeling diminished by someone - which then is a mix of feeling anger and judgement. My anger was directed solely at SS16, and now I see that was wrong. It's DH who creates these situations. Even defends them. SMH.

Now, I figure the upside is I really love my DH, and I do NOT love my SS16, so there's a pretty good chance that working on my feelings towards DH and constructively teaching him (coaching him?) will be easier for me to accomplish because I WANT to be around him. I don't want to be disengaged from DH. However, I also recognize that I really dislike this side of him. It's a struggle to get past it. (Chants "2 more years, just 2 more years...")

So my solution so far - I took back my car that I pay for and will save my other car for my son who'll be licensed next year. (And if I may pat myself on the back, I even managed to arrange it so that my husband suggested I take back the car… He regrets it now but there's no way I'm going to let him have this vehicle back.) Hubby can drive the summer car he owns and pays for and if he wants to let his kid drive it, that's his problem. And come this winter, hubby can buy himself his own damn winter car. Hands off mine, thank you very much.

Next solution - SS16 needs a job and is looking for one in the city where his mother lives. That's going to completely change his visitation schedule with us. And I'm really hoping it's going to eliminate or reduce it down to virtually one night a week. Perhaps some absence will make my heart grow fonder. Or grow tolerable-er.

Finally, working on even more distance between me and the skid's life. Daddy can be in charge - and I just cannot care anymore if he fails at life.