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BM bleaches/"frosts" SD9's hair!!

sotiredoftheDRAMA's picture

Okay, I have been holding this in for a while, but I have got to ask.....does anyone else find it wrong for a mother to chemically treat her 9 year-old daughter's hair?

When SD was 5 her hair was blond. However, her hair began to darken to a brown color. Now mind you, BM highlighted SD's hair another time when she was maybe 7, I think. I can't remember for sure. What I do remember is DH having a fit. Personally, I don't think it's right, but maybe it is because of my severe hatred for this woman that I am so against it. Now, my daughter's hair is a sandy blond color, and I find that if she washes her hair with a shampoo intended for blond hair it will show it's light features. Not being a blond myself, I am told that blond hair is very sensitive to the elements, and it doesn't take much for it to darken. I have noticed that since my daughter has been using this shampoo and conditioner, her hair isn't as dark from the build up of regular shampoo. My daughter will be 12 next month, and at this time, I couldn't fathom the thought of chemically treating her hair to make it blonder.

I guess my true gripe is that this woman bleaches/frosts her daughter's hair herself. She does the same to her hair, so each time she whips out the bottle, she does her daughter's too. Also, she has a SS9 of her own. Her husband and her have a bleaching party on both of the children's hair. Apparently SS9 has one side brown and the other blond - nice.

I also need to make mention that I cut my family's hair to save money, yes, even my own. So, that just goes to show you how much trust I have in myself. Anyway, SD asked me to cut her hair one time and when BM found out, she went through the roof. Stating that I have no right to cut SD's hair because I don't even have a license to do so? BM also stated that I should "stick to what I know...hint, hint, not cutting hair!"

When BM first did this "unlicensed" technique of hers this summer, we were approached by a waitress at the restaurant we were eating at. She asked us if SD's highlights in her hair were natural, we of course stated no, and also ratted out her mother. Apparently, the waitress was a hairstylist also. She shared her thoughts concerning the damage that the mother was doing to her daughter's hair. I just ate it up, even thought I could see SD was uncomfortable by the whole conversation. I could care less because DH and I both expressed how upsetting it was to see her hair in that manner. Not to mention how dry it felt and looked. The first night we seen it, our jaws dropped in horror. She was literally platinum blond! Now, her hair is more yellow, but for some reason the mother doesn't touch the back of the hair. SD has lied to me on several occasions when asked if her mother had treated her hair again, but this past weekend I straight out said "when is your mom going to stop lightening your hair?" SD shrugged her shoulders at the question. It appears that no matter what DH says, this bitch is going to do what she wants. DH has stated to BM that she is wrong for attempting to change SD's appearance. I don't know if SD's hair got darker because of previous hair coloring, I do know that her other half sister has dark brown hair, but has since bleached half of it blond as well.

SD has gained considerable weight in the past year due to the crap her mother feeds her, and then she sticks SD in all these extracurricular activities in her attempt to make SD lose weight. We think this is what is happening with the hair coloring.

Comments

Soon-to-be-Step-Mommy's picture

Yes..that is WRONG. No reason for it. She might as well let her daughter wear makeup as well. What is wrong with people enabling these children to grow up so fast? They lose their innocence enough in this world as it is.

sotiredoftheDRAMA's picture

I agree. I tell BD that I want her to hold on to her youth as long as possible and try not to get caught up in all the monstrosities in life related to hair, makeup and clothes.

What I find hilarious is that BM will speak poorly of me for cutting my own family's hair (without a license), but it is perfectly fine for her to use chemicals on her daughters' and SS's hair (without a license). I sure hope she attempts to cut hair too. She is forever doing what we do, but at first she will make fun of our interests, but then turns around and does the exact same thing and pretends it is something new.

Lauren1438's picture

That little girl needs some treatment conditioner bad. It will fry her hair and it will start to break off. My best friends mom growing up did that to her hair. She had it breaking off in clumps because it was so damaged by the bleach that she had to have it cut off. She looked like a guy and was humiliated. Ya its cool to be like dear old mom till your hair falls off!

z3girl's picture

9 is a little young, but it's probably not that bad if it were professionally done. I have ash blonde hair, and my mother took me for highlights (I didn't insist...she wanted it done) when I was around 10 or so. By the time I was 12 or 13, we got tired of how expensive it was to have it done so I switched to the $5 do-it-yourself bottle.

The cheapie stuff does ruin your hair, and when I finally went back to getting it done professionally, I cut all my hair off and let it go natural for a couple years.

If a 9 year old were allowed to get blue hair or something, then that would be wrong.

Oddly enough, my mom had my hair highlighted but refused to allow me to perm my hair. (This was the late 80's!) I finally did it behind her back and she changed her mind. Wink

BSgoinon's picture

Sounds familiar except I don't have a SD, I have a SS!! BM has brown hair. She likes to say that she is "blonde". She isn't. Almost every summer she lightens her hair, and she will lighten SS's as well. She wants him to look like her. I honestly believe that she thinks that if his hair is dark people will think that he is mine. DH has dark brown hair, as do I. And SS's is kind of a medium brown. The EXACT same color DH's was at his age and the older he gets, the darker his hair gets. Just like DH's. And his hair is the same color as my daughters. So, lightening it doesn't make him look any less mine. I am fearful that one day she will resort to tattooing "BM'S SON, NOT SM'S" across his forehead to ensure people KNOW she is the mom. Although, no one CARES that she gave birth to him. That makes her no more his mom than dying his hair would. ACT like his mom, and no one would question it. He could be PURPLE and people wouldn't question it if you ACTED like a mom!

sotiredoftheDRAMA's picture

Oh, she colors her SS9's hair too. This way her whole family is blond. I am waiting to see her color her husband's hair next - his hair is black. Stepford's watch out!

caregiver1127's picture

I have taken my DD when she was 4 to have highlights - my hairdresser who is a man has 3 daughters and has been coloring their hair since they were very young - he told me if he was a carpenter they would have kick ass furniture but since he is a hairdresser all their hair is amazing also there is highlights out on the market if you get it done professionally that will not hurt the child's hair.

Actually as well blonde hair comes in darker and then lightens as the sun touches it - the hair does not grow out of the head blonde unless the child is very young. If your BM wants to highlight her daughter's hair there is not much you can do - you may not like it and you may not agree with it but you can buy very good products at a Sally's Beauty or other hair place so unless the child is going bald you may just have to let it go. Also having people tell you in front of her that what her mother is doing is wrong or harmful may come back to bite you later - I am very pro SM and as I have a psycho BM very anti-BM but sometimes we have to pick our battles and quite frankly no matter what she hears about her mother she will only have good things to say about her and she will think her mom is the greatest no matter what. My SS's BM gave him up to us for 3 1/2 years and we live 700 miles apart and she actually for a lot of that time would make sure that she would call him when he was in school or asleep and tell him how busy she was in her life that did not include him and he still thought the sun shone out of her ass - used to drive me crazy until I realized that there was nothing I could do that would make him realize exactly what kind of fool she was and I disengaged. He is graduating this year so my years of hell and torment with this psycho bitch are about to end (I give my DH a lot of credit he is very pro me and very against anything that BM stands for - he sees her for her craziness - this took some time for him to realized it but now he can't wait for June 2012 to come as well to be able to not have to speak to her again.)

PS - my child's hair is very beautiful and shiny and she loves getting it done - I only do highlights and about 5 of them on the top of her head but it has not damaged her hair and she loves to go with me to the salon to get her hair done.

sotiredoftheDRAMA's picture

I know there is nothing I can do, but it does look ridiculous, and when she is with me people think she is mine - I would hate to think that people assume I created the mess on her head. Her mother does the highlighting herself, through a cap, so the more she does this, the more blonde her whole head gets except the back. SD's hair is basically brown in color, just like DH. According to DH, BM's hair is also dark. I have seen BM's mom, and her hair is colored black. The color is basically yellow, especially when she stands next to my daughter who has natural golden lights in her hair. Yes, blonde hair does get lighter when they spend a lot of time in the sun, which happens to my daughter, but it stopped happening to SD. Also, like BSgoinon stated, I think BM does this so that people can see resemblance between the two. It's funny how when BM was pregnant with her current husband's child, she died her hair dark. Probably because she didn't want to have to bleach it during the pregnancy, or maybe because BMH has black hair, she thought her new baby would also. However, now that the baby is blond too, she bleached her hair back to blond. The other problem I have with it is that BM has to color her hair often (according to SD)for obvious reasons, so I am unsure that she colors SD's at the same time as well. All I know is that it keeps getting blonder and blonder and it looks totally fake. I do know that she took SD once to get it professionally done, and as much as I hate to admit it, it did look nice - when it was done professionally. It seems that the trick to this whole bleaching techniques is to not wash the hair often. The problem we have with that is that SD's hair always looks oily and smells HORRIBLE!

caregiver1127's picture

I get your point - there are shampoos out there for blonde hair maybe you can get some for SD - it is unfortunate that your BM is so insecure that she has to dye her child's hair so that she looks like her - it sucks and also too bad that she does not get it done professionally - I only have it done by my guy and I would never consider doing it myself - does your SD like her hair being bleached if she really hates it then maybe your DH can have a talk with the psycho BM?!?!?! worth a shot!!!

sotiredoftheDRAMA's picture

Actually, I believe any attention SD gets from BM is welcomed. SD has to compete with a 2 year-old half brother, a 15 year-old half sister, and a step-brother. According to SD, BM and BMH fight alot, and BM is always angry. I think that SD enjoys the attention she gets at this time, so I am sure the point is probably moot. As far as I am concerned, the relationship at that house is a pretty sick one, but that is only my opinion. I guess I wouldn't be such a hater if BM wasn't such a spiteful bitch ALL THE TIME!

caregiver1127's picture

I totally get what you are saying and now I just remembered 8 years ago when I first married DH and SS lived with us full time - I went to get my hair done and he came with me and got some bleach in his hair - I was so new to the whole Stepthing and did not even think to ask BM if it was okay to dye it because she would let him put this glitter gel in his hair and it looked stupid so since he wanted to have his hair bleached I just went and did it because he was with us full time. And now remembering when we went back to see her a couple of weeks later she did look kind of shocked that his hair was bleached but he was so excited about it that she really could not say anything. Is there anyway that you could take her to get her hair down the next time - since we only get about 5 highlights for DD it is not that expensive but I don't know how bad your BM would flip.

Sad that she is so starved for attention from her mother - it is amazing the harm these women do to their children and don't seem to give a shit that they do - good luck!!