Ok.....I was under the impression that this site provides a place for us to VENT. I have always tried to respect the other steps and bios who need to get things off their chest....I didn't know I would come under fire for also wanting to get things off my chest. Perhaps I will just post in a more private or more supportive forum in the future.

That being said, I guess you have listed all the "facts" of our situation correctly, september. Maybe save for the fact that BM knew we had our car repossesed BEFORE she got pregnant. I never implied that here that she should be totally responsible for transportation so that DH can have custody, THE JUDGE decided that they should work out a fair arrangement. She doesn't want to, she always demanded that H be responsible "if" he wants to see him.

What you probably don't know is how we took in her and her first husband after she had their daughter. How once they moved in, they didn't want to pay bills. How they spent all their money buying things for when they would get their own place, while WE were providing the shelter for them. How they didn't clean, I did, and how they vandalized our oldest daughter's room before they finally left. How I was her labor coach when SS was born because she DIDN'T KNOW who the father was....five guys could have been. Even his brother was a possibility. And that's not just a one-time issue, she even cheated on her current husband with HIS brother. Am I being biased in calling her a evil wretch? Probably. But currently, that is what I feel about her....and again, I am VENTING. God knows we've heard enough from her.

Does SS deserve support from his father each month? Of course. Does SHE deserve to take the amount that DRS decides to AWARD her from our family and get whatever SHE wants, when she makes DOUBLE my husband's income, has her step-Dad live there and provide for the household, PLUS gets support from her first husband AND her current husband, plus uses SS's SSI? That's 5 sources of income even WITHOUT getting support from DH. It would be one thing if she went through a divorce or two and needed support....after the 4th guy she gets sick of in 2 years and then chases after for money, that seems like a negative pattern. You said you were married....big difference than having an affair with a guy you very much know is married, and lying to someone you call your "sister". Is it right that her 2nd husband talks her into handing over the support my husband paid so that HE can do what he wants?? He got a truck, why? Because his wife had an affair. Pretty sweet deal.

Also, as I listed in the beginning of the blog entry, she just got sent MANY months of support at once. Yes, he is behind....is it right that the court grants "retroactive" support for when paternity is unknown....when BM wouldn't TAKE calls so that DH could see their son and TRY to help provide? Yes, DH has tried many times to contact BM through email and phone calls....what do you suggest for when she DOESN'T ANSWER. When it's been over two months since DH saw his son YET he PAID the support? Why should he pay her retro support when she would play games so that he DIDN'T see SS? Back when she said she "didn't care" who the father was, but she would "damn well" get support". That's when she moved to another town, in a MORE EXPENSIVE house. And why not? BM can do whatever she wants....she's perfect. How silly of me not to completely bash my husband...he's the ONLY one who was in that bed and created SS. Everything is his fault. Let our 6 kids have less of a Standard of Living...BM deserves all his money. We deserve nothing. Why be married? The message I'm getting is that if you're irresponsible and just want to sleep around with lots of guys, then the state will back you up. As you ladies support BM. Thanks for keeping my family in your thoughts. I guess I have no reason to be upset when our kids cry when their father goes to jail simply because support is TOO HIGH. Fine, from now on we'll pay everything....that means our kids have to go without. But that's justice, that's what right. Our kids didn't ask for this either, but they don't matter. BM is better than them.

Reading that post helped me....ok, that and some Midol Things have been extremely stressful and I really did feel the need to vent, to blow off some steam.

Reading back over things, it may seem as though I wigged out yesterday. september~ you said that you weren't trying to judge, but that is how your post came across to me. And then in the second post to be told that I "couldn't" be angry or upset, for any reason....that put me off.

Now that my head is clearer, let me try to explain a little better. Anne is right~ the support started off with months of retroactive. She went after retroactive since his birth...this is part of why I think of her as evil sometimes. DRS denied her because she swore up and down that another married guy was the father, and didn't even want to discuss ANYTHING with my husband after she told everyone she was pregnant. She filed right after the New Year in 2004, and paternity wasn't established until the end of June. DH tried to contact her, but she didn't answer emails or phone calls. When he went to her work to ask about seeing SS, she just said "No". But she still wanted support. He didn't end up getting to even see SS until October of that year, for a couple hours.

One of the points I was trying to get across is that my husband has just complied with the REQUIRED amount of support for several months. The custody order is never followed as it should be for a month. That isn't just because "SHE doesn't bring him". She refuses to give copies of SS's test results, info and etc. to DH, though it specifies for her to do that in the order. She doesn't share legal custody~ she always refers to SS as HER son, she never discusses things with DH first, just decides everything on her own and then comes to him AFTER the fact. She told him to "butt out" when he told her he disagreed with her choice of a Godmother for SS. He disagreed because this was a girl that BM had wanted him to have a threesome with....again, another person who cared nothing about the concept of marriage or family.....he didn't feel that kind of person should be SS's Godmother, but BM went off on him and tried to cut DH down.

Also, the reason we were bothered by what happened on St. Patrick's Day is because DH had tried several times to arrange with her about WHEN we could come to get SS. I didn't appreciate how it was assumed that I was upset over expecting BM to transport the child, how I expected her to have SS available anytime we wanted to see him, and those kind of comments. DH didn't hear anything back from her for weeks. The last thing she had told him before that was to simply "come get him" if DH wanted to see him, that SS would be there on the weekends. I agree there is a point about better communication needed, however I don't see how that falls 100% on my husband. I was taken aback how it seemed both you and Cheri were saying that BM had no responsibility in this, no fault whatsoever. BM later claimed that she hadn't been online all month and that was why she never responded, that was an outright lie. So she was ignoring DH even when he wanted to get SS. Calling doesn't solve anything either. DH calls her, her step-Dad always says she's not home. DH asks him to give her the message, but then she always says things like DH "never called", her step-Dad "forgot" to give her the message, or even that DH doesn't leave his name, so her step-Dad doesn't know who it is that he spoke to. I hope you can see that this is complete nonsense and game-playing. Is this right for her to do? Do you feel that she is not in contempt of the custody order, in any sense? We just didn't understand why, if she was going to deny SS and go off on DH again, she would tell DH to just come and get him.

The reason I was talking about the fact that BM would be getting money again this month is because I was there when DRS told him that he was NOT in contempt now. He did what they required. They said that there wouldn't be another contempt order so long as he made sure to pay something every month. So the only reason I was going on about it was because there's now another complaint for contempt, and that goes against what DRS told us. What I won't apologize for is thinking that it's hypocritical that BM doesn't want to acknowledge custody, even when DH complies with paying support.

And the repeated comments about "paying what he can" really rubbed me wrong. As Anne said, the original support was based on DH making $5 an hour more than he does. Over the course of each month, that adds up ALOT. BM knew he was laid off from that job when she filed for support two years after SS was born. Is it right for a woman to have sex with someone she knows does not have alot of money, want to have his baby, and then expect him to be Mr. Moneybags for her all of a sudden? Is it right to know you have no intention of living with or marrying someone, but suddenly demand him to forget that his other kids have needs and put you and SS first? NOT saying she has no reason to want support...but that she's after a set amount. She has specifically TOLD us that she "demands" a set MINIMUM amount of support from all 3 fathers of her 3 kids. Is the support amount fair, the amount of arrears? That's why we have a modification this week.

Please don't assume that I direct everything at the BM and blame her for everything. The fact is that my husband screwed up, big time. I do feel defensive though, when it seems that people do the exact opposite and imply that BM has no accountability, everything is DH's fault and there is "no" reason for us to think anything bad of BM. When reading your situation, september, you said that your ex-husband left and married your old best friend. That he doesn't want to support his daughter with you, but lavishes himself. In our situation it's the other way around, we see BM lavishing herself and bragging about it, yet my H can't explain to her that we need to worry about things for our kids because it's "not her problem". No, it's not her responsibility at all, but since she wanted to be involved with a married man, with kids, who she used to pretend to be close to, can't she have a little consideration for things? Can't she accept that she ALSO chose this situation? That's why I feel how I do about her.

Well I think I just wrote half a novel....so I will sign off for now

Best wishes

Again, we wouldn't be in this situation if DH hadn't touched her. But it's done, there's no going back, and focusing on what he should or shouldn't have done won't change anything now. I also feel that females also should think about their actions. My biggest issues are things like how support amounts are based on non-existent income, arrears are awarded to mothers who don't allow the father to be part of the child's life, men are jailed and penalized if they do not comply with paying a set amount for the child, but women can deny contact between the father and the child, alienate the father....and that's ok, there is no recourse.