Games, games, games
Well, we tried this idea that Janice gave...to email BM from our family account instead of my DH's separate email. What happens?...two or three days go by with no word, and we need to know what's going on for Christmas. So he tried his account again. She says "You can't use the other address" (telling him again what he CAN'T do? Hello, Miss Control Freak!)~ saying "it doesn't come through right on my end". I'd like to know exactly how. It just seems like more bull to me. Now I half wonder if she didn't read the thing on here about us using that email to help show her that we're united. But whatever, at least she said "please" when she said for him to stick to his regular email.
What has us stumped is this....when my husband mentioned about the possibility that his Dad may help with the transportation for Christmas Eve, she said we needed to let her know now because she was "making other plans". But she says she's making other plans IF his Dad is going to help get SS at the court-appointed time. But then she says if that happens, then she "may not be able to bring him at the time we originally said". Try to follow me here.... the original plan she was calling for was for her to drop him off after they "open gifts" at her house. She won't commit to a time-frame, just says "when we're done". DH has been trying to find out when, because we read 'Twas The Night Before Christmas' to the kids before they go to sleep...it's an annual tradition. So we'd like to make sure he's here for that. Our two older daughters go to bed at a different time than the toddlers. So it wouldn't be good to have him come right in the middle of all that. Considering he's supposed to be here by noon that day anyway, I REALLY hope BM doesn't screw around and then try to say "It's too late for me to bring him tonight...oh well!" I really feel that's what she's ultimately going to do.
But getting back to my point~ she said if my husband can get him then she probably won't be able to drop him off later. If my husband gets him then he'll already be here. So why would she need to bring him? Translation??? We read that sentence a few times. The only other thing I can think is that if we get him at the scheduled time, she's still going to insist that he is at her place for the gift opening, and then would bring him BACK again later. That means she still wants to re-arrange the holiday schedule so it's to HER standards. She asks us why we can't just wait until later on Christmas Day to give him his gift...since that's the way her and her first husband do things. We're not her first husband!! We've ALWAYS opened gifts with our kids on Christmas morning. But she suggested we should change how we do things, but wants to insist that he's there to stick to her traditions...she won't change anything. Ugghhh...I'm so sick of the hypocrisy!
So I don't know what's going on yet for sure. I really have the feeling that we're going to hear "He's sick" or "he's sleeping", like we have other times when she didn't want to follow anything for the holiday. Or we'll try to call her when SS still isn't here on Christmas Eve night, and no one will answer or return the call. And by that time it will be too late for him to be here in the morning...then VOILA~ she gets her way again! I just don't understand why she can't just let them have a Christmas together w/o all this complicated bull!
Oh....then he had also mentioned about getting this copy of SS's test results. Our order states that if the CP recieves paperwork regarding the child, then the CP is required to provide the NCP with a copy. Well, she's gotten many since his birth, but as of today DH has ONE set of papers. Several months ago, SS had a Fragile X test done. When DH asked her about it, she said it was normal. When DH asked for specifics she just said "normal means normal". We hate when she's purposely vague like that. So he's been asking and asking for the copy. She said at one point "If you want them so bad then call and get a copy sent to you". But she told us before that she had asked the hospital to just send him a copy and they won't. The point is, the order doesn't say he has to chase down the info~ she gets it, she's supposed to share it with him. Now she's saying "It costs money and I don't have even a single dollar to spare". It cost us over $50 at least to file for custody (which doesn't get followed anyway), with the paperwork taking up over $20 of it. And we bring in less than half of her income even BEFORE support is sent to her...so if we could manage then how is it she can't afford a dollar? Even to ask my husband to take the bus right now would cost us two bucks, but it's ok for her to say she can't swing a dollar to make a copy of these results? So many games.....
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That's BS
If she won't share the info, then you'll probably just end up having to get it yourselves. That's what we've had to do all along. If you guys have the documentation that he's the child's father, then that's all any doctor, school, hospital, etc. needs to share the information. Check the specific laws for your state, but I know North Carolina law states that barring a court order, information can and must be shared equally with both parents. I would imagine the laws in other states would be similar. So unless there's a court order that specifically states your husband has no right to the info, then by law his health care providers MUST PROVIDE HIM with a copy of any and all records. You might have to pay a copy fee, but that's usually minimal. If you have fax software on your PC, just get them to fax you the pertinent page, that way there's no cost. We've done this a zillion times with my husband's kids. Usually, we just right a letter requesting the info and at the letter we cut-and-paste the appropriate section from the general statutes that gives us equal access to the info.
The holiday visitation BS really gripes me, because we go through it every single year. We jump through all these ridiculous hoops and do whatever she says to make it work, then at the last minute she goes undercover and we can't even talk to them on the phone until well after the holidays are over. It sucks.
~ Anne ~
Tell her you had the other email account cancelled.....
And tell hubby to cancel it. He can't mail her "from" an email address he no longer has! Right? FORCE her to recognize the email address that goes to both. Period.
I know, she's playing games. Have him call her and tell her that the new mail address is XXX@yyy.com. The only way an email will not get thru is if she has that email address BLOCKED.....
Just wait til after the holidays, so your not kept waiting for plans with this vengeful witch.
;0)
You have a court order schedule right?
Then start enforcing it by notifying the police and getting a record that she's denying your visitation time as directed per the court order. Having the police come knocking on her door maybe a wake up call to her. But then it is more hassel to deal with.
The way that I look at it is that whatever time has been set by the court, that's the time regardless if "all the presents are open or not". I wouldn't explain for one second why you can't wait until this day or that day... because THIS is my scheduled time... that's WHY. You have plans, because this is the time that you are alloted period, hince forth, my plans have been made for THIS time frame that I have been awarded by court.
I just get so sick of these women that 'rule' the world because they think that everything is owed to them. Geeesh.
I know it's all easier said than done, but somewhere along the line, someone has to put their foot down... or in her butt... and start taking control of the situation.
Now, let me ask you... what do you think she would do if for some reason, you didn't show up, and you called her at very very last minute... oh by the way, I'm too tired to drop off SS. I think it will have to wait. She would be livid, I'm sure.
So frustrating...