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SS was convicted in court today

sodonewithpunk's picture

on 4  felonies and a misdemanor. He is to be sentenced in a month. They ordered a pre-sentence investigation which may involve interviewing family members and looking at their invovlement with the law. If they are doing their job, they will realize that his mother has been a fugitive for over a year, hiding from her own warrant from a drug/impersonation case. They kept his high bond and put him back in the clink- where, barring his dad, brothers or mom winning the lottery, he will remain through his sentencing. 

SO knows better than to ask me for any money to help him. He is still managing to drain our resources from jail, where SO drove on Saturday to put money in his commisary account, and SS is stil calling daddy collect every night to cry and whine (SO said it's just like a crying baby). Now I get to deal with BM calling SO daily to ask about the whiny daddy calls- is our baby ok in jail? Can we give him more money? Sell our plasma to get him out? What can we do?

Funny- SS22 was such a big man when he decided (yes, decided) to develop a heroin habit and run around robbing and stealing from us and everyone else to feed it. Such a big man. But when it comes to taking the punishment, he's nothing but a whiny little b*tch. 

After being stolen from and lied to, after having been evacuated from my home at midnight so the police could search it, I have zero f#cks left to give. No compassion at all for him. SO now has bleeding ulcers and is a shell of his former self, Nope. No sympathy. 


STaround's picture

For your SO, for all the victims.  I see no point in bail, dont they ususally credit time served against sentence?  

tog redux's picture

Blow BM in, too. One anonymous call is all it takes.

I'm the one who said he didn't "decide" to develop a habit, and I still think that - though he did decide to start using drugs, and he definitely decided to steal and all the other things he did to support his habit.  I'm not an enabler - I just think it can help to understand addiction so you don't take his actions so personally.

Your DH is enabling by giving him money for his commissary, and he can say NO to those collect calls now and then. Time for Jr. to be on his own and figure out his life. Mommy and Daddy rescuing him is delaying his growing up.

sodonewithpunk's picture

I am trained and certified in addiction and have been working in the field for over 20 years. And I still say he chose to develop a heroin habit. He had just moved into my house with his dad.  He was living with us for free. Whole life in front of him. What was so hard that he couldn't cope with? He knew how addictive heroin was. Yet made a conscious decision to find some and do it. Then when it got out of control and he ran around robbing and pillaging to get his fix, he was thrown in jail and had to kick in there. Dad bails him out, he gets out clean, and what does he do? Calls his heroin dealer and gets re-hooked. 

In the middle of all of this, I tried so hard to talk him into getting professional help. I ran his Medicaid and gave him the phone number for the best clinic i could find. I offered to drive him there. He refused to get help. 

Then after a couple more stints in jail and being released on bond with UAs, he goes BACK on it AGAIN. Again he stole from us and tested hot and back to jail he went. 

Addiction is not a disease. It's not something over which we are powerless. It's the result of our choices and our behaviors. Someone with cancer can't just decide to stop having cancer. He had chance after chance and he blew it!  His life was charmed, he was treated like a prince by his family, but he just couldn't handle all of that without resorting to heroin. He tried to blame it on his parents' divorce- "Everything I knew in my world fell apart." - well- my mom had been divorced 3 times by the time I was his age, and I never once did heroin or stole from anyone. 

I'm just disgusted, and I'm not allowing anyone to let him off the hook. He is a sh^tstain, pure and simple. And if I never see him again, it'll be too soon for me. 


tog redux's picture

I actually agree that addiction is not a disease. But I do think there's more to it than just being spoiled and entitled.

Do you let your DH off the hook for enabling this crap? He's the one I'd be mad at. If you've been in the field for 30 years, then you know addicts always have enablers. How do you sleep with him at night knowing he's allowed this to happen?

sodonewithpunk's picture

I do not let him off the hook. I called him out again and again for his enabling behaviors. I spelled it out for him. We fought over it numerous times, and it damaged our relationship. He has a blind spot where his son was concerned. But I am allowed to be mad at both of them. It's not a choice of oneor the other. They are both to blame. SS more willfully decided to f&ck up. SO was doing what he thought was helpfiul. He doesn't get it. 

advice.only2's picture

Amen Sodome!! Amen!!! If I had a dollar for every person who told me that poor meth mouth was an addict and needed love and support because she was sick....Ummm no she chose to stick a needle in her arm, choose to prostitute herself for payment...nope nope nope!!! She is a worthless POS who deserves exactly what she makes of her life!

CLove's picture

You didnt create this, yet you are involved and having to help support this.

It really sucks.

Sorry you have this in your life.

notasm3's picture

I knew that using heroin even once was a RIDICULOUS choice when I was NINE years old.   Yes addiction is hard to break. - but don’t be so STUPID to start.  

Making that choice to “try” heroin is sort of like Russian Roulette - you may get a pass but once you hit that chamber with a bullet you are done for.  There are many choices in life that can have horrible consequences.   Step out in a busy street without looking - you could end up dead or severely disabled.  Same for making a choice to speed and not use a seatbelt- or to drive drunk. 

I have zero empathy for an addict. They made a choice to go down that path. Their brains may be so addled now that good choices may be almost impossible but it is still THEIR FAULT they got to that path.  If I were to play Russian Roulette but end up surviving as a vegetable it would still be MY fault for being so stupid. 

sodonewithpunk's picture

SO can shoose to refuse them, but he is so heartbroken he would never. I looked on the sherriff's website and apparently they limit the call time, so hopefully this won't be how it goes for the next 5 to 10 years. Perhaps I can just plan t o be gone or otherwise engaged so UI don't have to hear it. 

Harry's picture

Get a second job to pay for his DS. And his collect phone calls.  DH should do some actual work to pay for this, not use your money.