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Thoughts on letting skids visit BM in jail?

SMto3SC's picture

Submitted by SMto3SC on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:27pm

BM was recently sentenced to 90 days in the county jail. We received letters to the skids a couple days ago and she is wanting them to come visit her. In my opinion, children that age do not need to see a parent in that situation (SS13 - SS12 - SD5). BM was given full custody of skids during divorce in '08, but gave them up 1 month later saying she could not handle them and did not want them anymore (we have full physical and legal custody and it was done through the courts). She went several months with absolutely no contact with them, then had them almost every other weekend (skipped alot) for 11 months. She has only spent 1 hour with them in person since April of this year. She calls once each week (until she went to jail) and spoke to SD5 for 5 to 10 minutes. The SS's have not even spoken with her since mid-july. I guess since she has not had much to do with them anyway, then why subject them to seeing her there. Any thoughts?

Comments

pastepmomof3's picture

Submitted by pastepmomof3 on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:30pm

If they've gone this long without seeing BM, what is another 3 months? I agree with you - jail is not the appropriate place for children to go, unless you want them to see how much of a loser BM is. I think i'd defer to DH on this one and let him make the call.

Good luck to you.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:32pm

I don't think that your skids should visit their mom in jail. I don't think that is the place for children at that age. It sets a bad example (IMHO) for the skids. Now, if they were older they could make that decision for themselves. I definitely agree with you.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:32pm

If the kids haven't asked to see her, I wouldn't take them to a jail to see her. Even if they are asking to see her, if 90 days isn't going to be detrimental to them mentally, I wouldn't take them to a jail to see her. '

Her wishes do not matter. No child should be subject to that kind of environment if it isn't necessary.

I can't imagine being a mother in jail & wanting my children to see me there. You'd think she'd be the saying, "Don't bring them here!".

VAStepMom's picture

Submitted by VAStepMom on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 12:35pm

Absolutely not.

A jail is no place for children. Period.

Just seeing their parent in jail could bring a lifetime of emotional issues.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 1:23pm

My ex sil (a different one I have 2 brothers) is in jail for fraud and won't get out for at least 3 years and he will not take them to see her no matter how much she begs. The only way he will do it is if he is ordered by the court to do so.

WickednNasty's picture

Submitted by WickednNasty on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:19pm

I don't think the jail will allow visits with a minor. Hopefully that will solve your problem. Try checking with them that just may solve your problem.

SMto3SC's picture

Submitted by SMto3SC on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:30pm

BM had already checked and DH did confirm it, yes they can go but they have to be accompanied by DH or I the entire time they are there since they are under 18. That would mean the he or I would have to see her too -- all more reason to say NO !!

One of us see her there too .... might be kinda funny ... Karma is wonderful sometimes ... LOL. But definately not worth the lasting emotional impact it could have on the kids.

SMto3SC's picture

Submitted by SMto3SC on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:21pm

Thank You All .... Those are my thoughts exactly. She has gone longer without seeing them when she was not in jail. DH says "absolutely not"!! The SS's (SD5 is to young to really understand) did not want to go see her until she begged them in the letters. I too, do not understand why a mother would want her children seeing her there. They did write her back and asked many questions that they think they deserve answers to. They told her they dont want to see her until she answers them truthfully. I also included a current picture of the three that I took that day and printed from the computer. They have already seen her mugshot plastered all over the tv stations and news papers in our state when she was arrested and again recently when she was sentenced. The charges all stem from stealing from a local childrens organization when she was in charge of their money.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 2:44pm

Yep Felicity0224 my niece and nephew seen their mom on tv too it was so sad. I can relate to the op here. It is not good for the kids at all. My niece and nephew was so upset over the whole thing they cried for days. But we are also talking about a mom who set their house on fire with the full intentions of one or both dieing. Sad It is a very complicated mess. i don't think she has a prayer in seeing her kids again.

But no they should not be going there to see her. especially since she will only be in for 90 days. hardly enough time for her to get an order together.