Another Question
The biomom planned a surprise birthday party for my BF's daughter (Sweet 16). I think that the biomom should have invited my boyfriend even if her daughter and my boyfriend are at odds. If it was a surprise, she wouldn't have a say and that way my boyfriend could have made a decision whether to go or not - and I do believe he would have went regardless of how bad the relationship is right now - he is just trying to be a parent and make his daughter understand that she can no longer conduct herself the way that she does and needs to become responsible for her actions...
What do you think?
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Don't expect Biomom to do the right thing
Dear Smcpaw,
Don't expect biomom to ever try and do the right thing. She sounds like a typical narcissistic person and is leading the SD right up the same path. It sounds like SD is really getting to be too old to make any of the necessary changes unless she really wants to, and why should she, since she has found that she can get what she wants in other ways. I just went thru the same stuff with my SD. Biomom most certainly didn't appreciate you telling her the SD needs to say "I'm sorry" or "it's my fault". That will haunt you till the end of child support. Been there, done that. Biomom isn't going to do anything that is going to help your boyfriend with his relationship with her daughter, because that would be doing the right thing. Be grateful that SD is out of your house and not spreading hatred and discontent to the rest of your kids. It's a vicious cycle. It is unfortunate that your boyfriend is unhappy, but this is part of the cycle is having a relationship with someone who you are so ill-suited. It's like trying to mix oil and water.
Don't spend a lot of time trying to analyze SD's behavior or spending much on gifts. Send something general like a $25 gift card and let it go. You will never get a thank you. It's never going to happen, but you've done your pentance, and parenting thing and it's all that's required. Nothing will ever change while SD is under the biomom's roof, and even afterwards, maybe nothing will either. But let things cool off and move on. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.
Regards,
Sweetie
In our family situation, we
In our family situation, we don't invite each other to stepson's party if any. If mom plans a party for son and if she doesn't invite (she usually doesn't) we don't feel bad about it. If we had a party we plan for him we don't invite the biomom. We don't feel comfortable having her around us period. So in other words she does her own thing and we do our own. We respect each other's privacy.
That's what we do too(Happy Mom)
We always have a party here and don't invite biomom and she does the same. Of course, I always go through the effort of planning a party. In fact, usually two. One for stepson's friends and one for our relatives. Biomom usually just goes to Chuck E. Cheese. At least that is what she has done for years!
It has always been this way and neither parent expects to be invited to the other's party.
So, I wouldn't worry about it. Especially with the situation right now.
Dawn
Sweetie You are so right
Biomom used to include my boyfriend in all family functions before me. My boyfriend used to think that his ex was helping him with his relationship with his daughter - I have shed light on that as well. She does do nothing to help his relationship and in fact I believe she thrives on the chaos the daughter causes at our home. I have washed my hands of both the biomom and I claim to have also washed my hands of the daughter. I just wish one of her parents would make her understand she cannot conduct herself the way she does without consequences. I just need to let go and let her self-destruct and not let her and her mom destroy my relationship with the wonderful man she drove away.