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O/T. Boss coming to town

SM12's picture

I work from home and have for several years, which sucks when you have step he'll because everyone expects you to babysit the stepshits while you work.   But back to the topic...

I have had the same female boss the entire 8 years with my company.  She is around my age and we have gotten to know each other well.   She is newly divorced and likes to share her dating life details with me...sometimes way more info then I want.  
I like her as a person and enjoy working with her but sometimes tolerate her non work related chats just to keep the peace since she is my boss. 

Well today she informs me she is planning to come to my town for a weekend soon.  Just to hang out with me.  I absolutely do not want this and am anxious as hell about it.   I live in a smallish town and the nearest hotel is 30 minutes away AND not a good hotel.  I explained this hoping she would forget the whole idea.  Nope she keeps pushing and bringing up options for her stay.   I don't want her in my home.  I like my work and personal life separate and I am having anxiety over this.   She is not getting the hint that I don't want her here.  I offered to meet her at a larger city so there is more to do....nope.   She insists on coming despite all the obstacles I am pointing out.

Now I am sick to my stomach.  This is my safe haven.   Even though I work from home, I can shut down at the end of the workday and walk away and forget about work.    

I am thinking I will just have to have an excuse everyone she suggests a specific weekend.   


BethAnne's picture

I think you just have to bite the bullet and tell her that you like to keep your work life and your social life separate. Tell her that if she really wants to visit your town you will try to find the time for a coffee or some lunch but that you do not want to do more than that. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Maybe it's time to invent exposure to someone with COVID?

tog redux's picture

Yes, I agree, tell her: "BossLady, I really value our relationship and enjoy working for you - but it's important to me to keep my work life and home life separate.  I'm really not comfortable with spending a weekend with you, though I'd be happy to go out to dinner one night if you find yourself near where I live."

Her boundaries are incredibly awful and she's asking for a phone call from HR.

BethAnne's picture

I agree. OP think of it this way, if you had a single male boss who overshared his personal life and wanted to spend a weekend with you out of the blue he would sound really creepy. Setting a clear boundary is important. 

SM12's picture

I never really considered it from the perspective of "what if was a man".  And I agree boundaries are needed here.   I have already endured her taking about her sex life (barf) but this is too much.

It just is very odd that she is being so persistent.  She is intelligent and seems to have a logical head on her shoulders.  So why isn't she catching on that I am blocking every attempt for her to come?   I never considered her to be that out of touch with what is going on.     

It's crazy.  I have already had a chat with DH and he agrees we need to be "busy" every weekend she wants to come down.   

SteppedOut's picture

This is WEIRD! 

I have no advice, because sooner or later iy is going to be obviois you are putting her off.

Winterglow's picture

I'd be having a word with HR because she's becoming overly chummy and is trying to use her authority over you to cadge a free weekend... If there is no HR then go to her boss directly. If tht isn't an option then you're going to have to bite the bullet and tell her that you keep your work and your private life strictly separate and that is ALL she needs to know.

tog redux's picture

Yes, OP - send what I said via email and if she persists, call HR or her boss. You should absolutely not EVER feel pressured to have a personal relationship with your boss.