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Has she changed?

slchance's picture

When I met my husband one year after his divorce was final, he had a four year old son, and his ex had already remarried. Our relationship with her was not very friendly, to say the least. She has since divorced again and is planning on remarrying. We have been married for five and a half years, longer than the time from when they first met to when they divorced. Things have cooled off considerably to the point where we talk civilly at baseball games and exchanges, etc., and she has even joined a church with this guy. This will be his first marriage, just like it was her first two husbands' first marriage. I am wondering if this new niceness is indication that she has matured and changed for the better or just part of her manipulation of the new victim, I mean, husband. I can't do fake nice, so should I just keep treating her with apathy as I have been doing, or try to warm up to her and be friendly? I don't trust her, but wouldn't I be teaching my children (my four-year-old daughter and eleven-year-old stepson) a valuable lesson about turning the other cheek and all that? Or just opening myself up to more misery?


Daytona1's picture

Just be respectful no one says you have to go out of your way to make her feel important. Show her respect and don't forget to give yourself enough respect to keep your dignity. If she rears her ugly side again thats her problem try not to feed into it.
P.S. Lol...its so easy giving others advice, if only I could take my own.

happy mom's picture

i wouldn't trust her just cause she changed all of a sudden. They can turn on you as fast as you can blink. I've been through that before, one minute she is all angel and then the next day evil. Keep your distance and don't change as to how you are acting to her now.

-happy mom

Daytona1's picture

I agree if you beleive she hasn't changed then keep your guard with her. Some people just live to make others miserable and no amount of kindness will change that.
Enjoy what you have good in your life and let her live in evil by herself.

Exhausted SM's picture

Wath out for the "nice phases". My hubby's ex goes through those from time to time but we have learned that those phases pass and she is back to her wicked self. It has been 7 years since the divorce and it seems as if it just happened yesterday. Be careful girl!:-? :

Little Jo's picture

Ok, I'm new to this, but I will say this;

In the year that I have been with BF, BM is miserable. She is the definition of 'WOE IS ME'. Well one month ago she met a new guy. BM's tune has changed lot in a few areas. I'm not buying for a second. Her head is just in the clouds right now. Even her own 16 yr. old has told me she sees right through her mother. Her Mother acts completely deferent when new BF is around.

I look at it as the 'catch phase'. In order for an evil BM to get a new sucker, they have to act different. Once the poor bastard is caught in the web, he's done for.


slchance's picture

Thanks for all the great advice. Jo, I think you are right about it being the 'catch phase.' She instant messaged me on Mother's Day telling me to have a happy mother's day, I deserved it, and to thank me for being so good to ss. I think she is hoping that I will be mean back to her so that she can play the victim to her new beau (nothing like rushing in to be the protector to further entrench him into the relationship), but I just texted back, 'thanks, you too.'

slchance's picture

One night my husband was talking to SS and asked him if his mom was home (she allows SS to stay home alone after school but sometimes does not get home until 8 or 9 pm), and he said that she was downstairs studying for the 'marriage test.' My husband laughed so hard when he told me this and said, 'considering that she's already failed twice, she'd better study hard!'

Daytona1's picture

That is too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

loonybonusmom's picture

I could go toe to toe with your experiences, bm#2 has been the same, first things were great, we were all happy, getting along, and acting like a big happy family...even my bio's would spend the night at the x's with their brother! Then suddenly a death in the family crashed her "happy plane" as I call it, we were taken to court so she could will our son to her parents. Right now we have been enjoying her "happy plane ride" and we are back to getting along..(although my children will not be back to her home again) Ironically enough my bm has also met up with someone new..last spring. Dh and I placed bets on how long it would take for the new beau to realize who she really was....I know this women loves ss to death, and she is basically a great mom, just borderline bi-polar/drama queen maybe. It has been less than a year now and suddenly the new beau is making himself scarce? wonder why? lol. It makes our lives and our children's easier when we maintain civil relations, but trust is a whole other story. I have learned more than one time in eight years that getting too close will bite you in the ass everytime.