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Final parent meeting w/therapist

skell76's picture

The one where HCBM didn't like that I didn't say good morning to her on SD's first day of school. Said that SD has expressed to her she wishes we talked. SD has NEVER mentioned that and only stated "my mom doesn't like you" Mutual my girl trust me. (I don't say that I just tell her my focus is her and DH) Anywho so I said I have boundaries for myself and I came to see SD and wish her a good day, not HCBM who hovered. SD's therapist said "do you say hello to people at work you don't like" my response: "I don't have anyone at work that accuses me of abuse and keeps my family in a 3 year legal battle" Apples and oranges lady. You are not turning me into the bad guy, these are the consequences to HCBM actions. 

Good news, SD is down to once a month and then discharged.  Background: DH has final say and can pull it but knowing we will end up in court again better safe to have a discharge paper.

Other issues that I'd like to blog for my own record keeping but drained from this appointment.

Comments

The_Upgrade's picture

If we were comparing apples with apples you'd need to say hello to a co-worker who you didn't like but also one who wished you dead to bring it up to par with saying hello to BM. 

skell76's picture

I had to laugh. You are so right, she despises me for breathing I have no doubt.  

The_Upgrade's picture

And realistically if you had such a co-worker you'd take a long hard look at your job and decide whether or not to walk away and find a jobplace with less toxicity or raise the issue with HR so your co-worker could be pulled into line. The last thing you'd ever consider doing is voluntarily greeting them and giving hem even more excuses to go after you. 

What has that therapist been smoking?! If that's BM's personal therapist it's no wonder she isn't getting better. It's like the blind leading the blind. Or the loopy leading the unhinged. 

tog redux's picture

That therapist is useless if she thought you not saying hello to BM was an important enough topic to address. She should have told BM to let it go and focus on what she can control. Glad you are almost done with her. 

caninelover's picture

Yeah WTH with the therapist pushing you to say hello?!?!

skell76's picture

It's just HCBM's way of looking good in front of the therapist cause she sure as #($(& doesn't practice what she preaches.  She wanted something and I said we'd send it to school with SD on her next school day, she rolled her eys with SD watching and just stormed off. But that's okay....wierd. 

strugglingSM's picture

"SD wishes that we talked"...a classic HCBM move, saying that the Skids told her that they would like someone to do something different in relation to her. The BM in my life will always tell DH that Skids cry to her that the wish she and DH would be "friends" with BM. She says they say all the time that all of their friends' divorced parents get along...meanwhile, skids tell us about this friend whose dad is in jail or that friend who "hates his father" and never speaks to them...and on and on and on. 

skell76's picture

SD is very smart she is not worried about us not talking.  She is her same person with us all around her or just us.  I'm calling total BS but you know evil stepmom I can't say anything to the HCBM.

advice.only2's picture

This and the BM would probably just stand there with a sh*t smirk on her face and not respond back, but I'm sure the counselor would find that to be okay.

skell76's picture

When things looked to go south EARLY on I was the idiot thought we are reasonable adults we can meet for coffee and chat this out. She completely ignored me and in turn filed an emergency filing with the courts that I couldn't have anything to do with SD. 

So yeah let me say hello, good morning. I don't do fake and I'm okay teaching SD that when someone has wronged you it's okay to have boundaries. 

skell76's picture

You can't win. Ever. It's incredibly defeating.

skell76's picture

It was a nightmare to come to any agreement. This was before DH had final decision and judge told them they had to work together. HCBM first pick ...her own therapist. Conflict of interest much?  Her other choices were all trauma therapists of which SD has not been through therefore would do more damage. 
 

so play therapy it was and this was the agreed upon gal. There's some nuggets so she's not all bad but big picture = 0/5 stars would not recommend. 

tog redux's picture

Play therapy has limited evidence behind it, except in certain trauma situations. Good therapists use play but that is not their only method.  Next time find someone who understands family systems, especially after divorce, and who holds all adults involved accountable. And if the therapist starts to fall for BM's victim BS, dump them.