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College Expenses

sixteensmom's picture

To those of you who have skids in college, do you/your dh pay for their college expenses?
Was it court ordered?
If it's ordered and you pay, say 1/3, ex pays 1/3 and kid pays 1/3 how are the bills reconciled? How do you know the ex is paying her 1/3?
Why is there anything about a kids college tuition in a divorce decree anyway? Kids of MARRIED parents get no such guarantee for college.
So decree says 1/3 each. BM tells skid that dad has to pay 1/3, doens't bother to tell skid he actually has to have a relationship with dad in order to get the help, in fact bm put the paragraph into the decree herself saying if there's no relationship the parent doen't pay - because she refused to pay for oldest skid who had no relationship.
now bm has pas'd kid against dad, but thinks he should pay 1/3 of kids college.

What the heck??

Comments

twopines's picture

Nope, we didn't pay any college expenses, and DH wasn't court ordered to do so. I think DH threw a few bucks SD's way around Christmas the first year.

B22S22's picture

We are trying to figure this out right now...

DH does not have any provisions for college in his divorce decree. The state I live in changed their CS cut-off from 21 to 19 about a year ago which DOES affect him, however he would have to petition the court for the change (since his original states 21). However, he's afraid the Ex will counter-petition for college tuition (the SK's will be starting their last year of high school this fall).

I don't know, if after all this time, the court would accept her petition. Especially when it comes on the heels of his petition.

I'd be interested to hear about anyone who is in this situation too!

sixteensmom's picture

We've been told anyone can petition for anything at anytime. Which is really frustrating!

B22S22's picture

That's kind of how I read the CS guidelines for this state.

But of course, NEITHER parent has set aside one shiny penny towards college tuition (SK's are the same age so it would be TWO going at once).

I had told my DH a while back that I will NOT be dragged down into this financial tar pit with this situation... I made him realize a long time ago it is NOT my responsibility to support those children it is HIS and their MOTHER's (BM doesn't work, never has).

Oh well. I guess if it comes down to that -- and I'm guessing she'll petition for tuition regardless of what my DH does -- he'll have to sell some of his big boy toys because right now he's overextended his income and would not have a single dime left over to pay for college.

Thankfully, all my junk is in MY NAME ONLY (house, my car, etc). I also told him if she tries this and it looks like it will take us down financially I WILL divorce him so she can't touch any of the stuff I have.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

My husband is the CP, we pay 100% of all college costs and bought each cars. My opinion is, that a court order should not dictate whether or not you help your kids in college. It should be something that the parent decides to do for his/her kids.

B22S22's picture

I agree with you, however my DH is not the custodial parent, so pays CS (>$1000/month). He would really like for his kids to go to college, but paying CS and sending them to college because we both know BM will NOT help, will put us financially in a world of hurt. Or, I should say, will put HIM in a world of hurt because I'm not going to bankrupt myself (I also have 2 children, for whom I've been saving $$ for college since they were small).

We've already done the car thing, and also subsidize car insurance since they can't technically be on our insurance (they don't live at this address).

BM has already said if DH stops CS @ 19, she's kicking SK's out of the house, no questions asked. If he maintains it until they're 21, they can stay.

Elizabeth's picture

I think you know we are court ordered to pay 1/3 of SD's college, as is BM. What BM does is just not pay, then SD whines to DH and he picks up the slack. It's sickening. Our court order says nothing about maintaining a relationship, it just says as long as SD maintains a GPA high enough for the college to re-enroll her, we must pay. Evidently doing drugs, drinking excessively, having unprotected sex and not working AT ALL are not grounds for DH to re-evaluate his relationship with SD and encourage her to straighten up and fly right.

SD decided to live on campus this summer just because she wanted to continue having sex with her boyfriend and living with BM "in the same town" would hamper that. So DH "told" told SD he was NOT paying 1/3 of her housing. But when push comes to shove, of course he did. Now she plans to stay on campus evidently all four years, even though we all (except evidently DH) know it is cheaper to live in an off-campus apartment. Only the best (read most expensive) for precious poopsy princess SD20!

Jsmom's picture

We have no provisions in the decree. DH will pay for the kid he has custody of and BM will pay for SD17. DH knows SD will not get anything from him or I am gone. I am paying for BS18 whose Dad is deceased. DH will contribute nothing for him.