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We upset BM again - 2 cents any one?

SisterNeko's picture

This is a messed up situation that we got put in this weekend. I kind of saw it coming and I warned BF that BM was starting to think that they were friends again (some one that she could count on). Also I would like input in what we should do next. Skip to the bottom if you don't want to read this long post.

It started last week when we dropped the boys off. SS4 had been sick all weekend. So Monday she txt BF to say that SS4 had a fever of 101 and she was staying home with him. Tuesday we hadn't heard from her so BF txt BM to see how SS4 was. She responded with 'fine' but then called 5 minutes later to tell BF some lame story about something stupid that SS6 did. He defined 'inspire' or something like that. So BF was like let me talk to SS6. We talked to him and then SS4 then said bye to BM. I told BF that it was weird and she was starting to think they were friends - but it had been about the boys, all be it stupid.

Wednesday BM started txt BF about SS4 therapy stuff and was finally like do you just want me to print it and give it to you Sunday - BF was like 'yeah'. (this is were it gets odd) BM txt BF and asked about this infection that his dad had awhile back, BF starts to freak because of course he thinks she is talking about the kids. Turns out she was talking about her man having this infection and being really sick. She gave details but BF ignored her - since it wasn't about the kids any more.

Thursday BM calls and leaves a message saying that she found and after school program for SS6, and that SS6 really wants to do it because he has friend in there. - he's 6 he has friends every where. BF got mad because in February we signed SS6 up for karate (with her blessing) but she never takes him. The karate place also has an after school program and he has 'friends' in the class. But they don't have class on Friday but we signed a one year commitment. So He called her and she got kind of snippy when he told her that if that is what she wanted to do on her weeks it was fine but on our weeks he was going to karate. He added that we were not going pay for it to which she added that was fine we could pay for karate then. To which I chimed in SOLD. Since karate is 60 bucks a month and the thing she wants is like 70 bucks a WEEK! She was worried about confusing the school/bus people but they can't be the only kids with joint custody.

Either Thursday or Friday she txt BF and asked him what he wanted for his birthday - to which BF said NOTHING - a few times. His birthday was this weekend.

Friday BM calls BF and says that she needs a favor. She said that her man was in the hospital with that infection and she needed someone to watch the kids Saturday while she dealt with it. To which BF replied "I am at the cottage." (His family's cottage on the lake about an hour away.) She hung up on him.

BF txt'ed her (cause cell signal sucks there) She says something about flipping out and that she would just call family (which you would think she would call them first but whatever) Then she asked him what he wanted to do and he said no it was her week and it was up to her. She is bad about pushing decisions off on him. We would have taken the boys in a heart beat but BM had to make up her mind first.

Saturday morning BF txt'ed her and she sent back this long txt about being at the hospital all night and blood clots and whatever other medical stuff she could think of. But she didn't know what they were going to do because the boys were going to her parents to the petting zoo that day. I told BF that as much as I don't want anything bad to happen to any one she should be telling you stuff about her man's medical problem. TMI. But he txt her back and told her that he needed to know something because 'we had plans through out the day'. It was after all his birthday and we had places to be at cretin times and she needed to give us an answer other than - 'I'll call you later' (which is what she told him).

She got mad and said she would drop them off Sunday at 5 (the normal time).

Today she dropped them off and didn't say a word. Of course she got BF a birthday present. A framed photo (montage) of the boys with some religious captions about being a dad. In the 'notebook' she put all the fun stuff they did this week including seeing her man in the hospital which was a lie - SS6 said they didn't go to the hospital and i believe him because SS4 is afraid of doctors. (screams) And we found out that BM does get info from the sitter - who we will no longer be using for that very reason.

But I feel like an ass for not helping her out but at the same time Angel we don't know how sick her man really was - she's a drama queen. (b) i don't think she would have done it for us - not that we would ever ask her. (c) and I freaked out that she would share medical stuff on her man with BF. (d) she has no respect for our schedule. Give rose she couldn't make up her mind on times and places. The kids were going to a petting zoo it's not like that was something that couldn't be cut short to meet our needs.

And I am not hanging up the picture BF got for his birthday for 2 reasons - 1 it's not very good shots of the boys and 2 I am not religious and I think it's inappropriate to give people religious gifts. unless it's family and you know they are religious. And to add her birthday is next month but I am not giving her any pictures or poems - because I take all the pictures and she is evil to me so why should I share? We are giving SS6 $10 bucks and turning him lose in walmart. I hope she likes legos. Smile

So were we wrong to not help indecisive BM?

Is there a nice way to tell her that she was inappropriate with the TMI on the medical issues of her man with out sounding heartless? I mean we didn't want him to die or anything but a simple , he's sick would have done.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Stay away from her. Keep all conversation about the kids. Eventually she will get the hint. Also, we never buy BM anything...Not our responsibility. They are divorced.

As for the TMI. Let it go and keep all conversations to email and this solves most of these issues. DH has zero conversations with BM. We have to have stuff to print for court if needed.

When you let them tell you anything they will use it. Honestly, the only problem I see is having too much communication with her.

As for her calling and telling you to come get the kid on her week. We have what is called First Right of Refusal. BM is supposed to call us if she cant be with the kid. Ours is anything over three hours. Of course our BM doesn't do it, but if she called we would drop anything to take SS on her time. This I disagree with your DH on. He should take any extra time he can get. Also, if you end up in court the more time you take the kids, the better it looks.

SisterNeko's picture

I explained this poorly. We did agree to take them. BF told her that he would come get them if she wanted him too. But when BF asked for details. Where and When BM started in with the. Oh I don't know yet I am so stressed, I'll let you know tomorrow. When he txt her Saturday am she was like I still don't know what is going on I'll call you later. That was when BF told her that we had plans (which involved other people, they could be changed but we need to know so we could let others know) Plus we were an hour away and in an area where cell phone don't always work. It was when we pressed her for an answer that she said to forget about it. Alls she had to say was pick them up at my house at this time and we would have been there but we couldn't get an answer out of her.

Done WIth It's picture

"fun stuff they did this week including seeing her man in the hospital".....and why would this information be included about another man on your husband's birthday gift?

That was rude of her and not very Christian caring like.

Oh the games the BM plays.

SisterNeko's picture

The last big fight they had (over me) BF told her that he didn't like her and only wanted to talk about the boys. Which she went off and said she wanted 'nothing from him' but it seemed like over the weeks that followed she got back into her old ways. Like she would call about the kids and toss in once and awhile something off topic. I told BF that he needed to say something like, that has nothing to do with the kids or whatever to point out to her that he knew what she was doing.

I swear guys are so thick about stuff like that. He likes to just ignore her when she gets off topic but I don't think she gets that he is ignoring her so she feels like - oh he listened to he that means he cares.

I have looked into getting a restraining order but I wasn't sure if BF could get one of not because of the kids. We might have to look into to that as well if she doesn't lay off. I have held of on my RO because i told her not to talk to me and so far she hasn't. Now if she does I will re-think getting one.

I told BF that I foresee her being an issue if he and I get engaged or get pregnant. That may be the melt down that forces us to seek legal action. I mean you really don't want to do that because of the kids.

DaizyDuke's picture

OMG I think we have the same BM... BM#2 is like this, she went through a spell where she liked to think that she was DH best friend. She's gotten better now that SS12 is older, but she still has her moments. She would find some ridiculous reason pretty much every single day to call or text. DH used to just apease her rather than start World War579, but I reached my limit and said enough already! When DH finally told her to cut the crap, she got all defensive.. "Oh I just want to be able to communicate about SS" blah blah blah.

These are some examples(that I know about... guaranteed DH does not tell me about all of them because he knows I would blow a gasket!)

She called once, because she got a new (to her car) and wasn't sure how to register it and get insurance. (She is almost 37 years old... ask your BF or your mother or your friend!)

She will call to tell DH that her and her BF are fighting (Like anyone cares!Seriously who does this? I'd be embarassed to tell people especially an EX that I was fighting with my current!)

She called DH because she didn't know how to fill out a job application (She is almost 37 years old! Call your BF, your mother or your friend!)

This is the kind of crap that pisses me off and she always manages to start out with something semi legit... like, "Oh are you picking SS up tomorrow after school?" then comes the bullshit about her life that NOBODY CARES ABOUT!

If you come up with a good answer on how to make BM stop, I'd love to hear it! But I think it's just their personality. My MIL is the same way... she'll call with a simple question but that turns into a 40 minute conversation that leaves you wondering WTF she just called about when you finally hang up!

SisterNeko's picture

Well and the kicker is when BF doesn't respond in a friendly manor or come rushing to her aide she acts shocked and upset. Yesterday when she dropped off she didn't even look at us or say anything, it's like really who are you hurting? No one wanted to talk to you anyway. Smile And it's funny because we have the boys this week and we probably won't call her at all (unless something major comes up). We just wait until Sunday and tell her in person or in her stupid notebook. But on her weeks she call/txt at least a few times during the week.

And I get that her man is sick but I am not going to call to check on him, I don't even know him and BF won't call because they USED to be friends (until she left BF for this guy) So he really doesn't care for him or her. She probably won't call us because she is mad but I hate to say it SS6 and SS4 ( the only one here that might care) don't care because they don't understand what is going on. SS6 might but SS4 has no clue what anyone is talking about when you say they are sick or could die.