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SS7 popped the question!

SisterNeko's picture

"Dad why did you and Mom split up?" was what SS7 asked DH this weekend.

DH and I had just talked about that not too long ago. We fully expected SS7 to ask at some point because he can still remember them being together (he was 4 when they split) but SS5 doesn't (he would have been 2 then). But we thought we had more time. DH doesn't want to lie to him but at 7 he isn't going to understand and DH knows that if he asks BM, she will lie to him.

Now I was not there and I didn't come in to the picture until a year later so I can't be blamed and I don't know exactly what went down but I tend to believe DH's version.

According to DH, BM wanted out and after months of struggling with money and fighting, He even found txt messages from other men on her cell phone. She asked him for a divorce on Christmas Eve night. After crying and saying good bye to his family that day. During the fighting DH had wanted to work it out, but BM would go to counseling or anything. She was also trying to get DH to spend more time with his friends Chubby and Matty from work. She finally told him that she "Wanted her life back."

They had been married for 7 years and had 2 kids together ages 2 and 4 at the time. The divorce wasn't finalized until May so form December to May when DH would come home, BM would leave and not return until late (most nights)

Later Matty told DH that BM had been calling him at weird times of the night and even told him that they were getting a divorce BEFORE she told DH. Even to this day BM still calls and hits on Matty. But Chubby wasn't as available to hang out with DH because he was seeing this new girl.

After the divorce DH and BM were walking out of court house and BM said she felt sick to her tummy and DH said he actually felt better. 2 weeks later BM 'started' dating Chubby - whom she eventually married.

But BM tells everyone that the split was mutual and I know that its what she is going to tell SS7. Because she can't admit that she wanted out mainly because I think it was the kids that she wanted to get away from. I don't think she could handle being a full time mom, even when her and DH fight she threatens to get full legal custody, never physical. She used to threaten him a lot but I finally told him to call her bluff just once and she withdrew.

Any way SS7 asked DH that in the car and he lead into it with. "I have this question that I have wanted to ask you for a very long time but I haven't..." He sounded a little nervous but DH thought about it before answering. He told SS7 that he was too young to understand what happened and when her got a little older DH would explain it to him.

How do you tell a kid his mom wanted her life back?

on a side note BM and I were exchanging e-mails once (that she started because she thought we should be friends) and she said that of course I believed DH's version of what happened and as his wife I should be on his side. I asked her if she didn't think it looked a little shady that her and Chubby started dating so soon after the divorce was finalized. She quit e-mailing me. Smile

Comments

HungryEyes's picture

I don't think you tell a kid that at all. That puts blame on the family like 'Mom wasn't happy because she couldn't have her life because of me.' As he grows older, he will relate that to 'because she had a family'. So don't do that. I am going to tell my children, Daddy and I worked as much as we could, we did counseling (Which is true) and we decided that we could be happier apart loving you than together.' I mean - it's the past. There's no sense in this scenario in making her seem like the bad guy. Don't give him the story of his Dad's friends and other men on her cell phone. Kids should respect their parents and love them as long as they are good parents. It's not that your husband should 'win' because he tried to work it out but she wouldn't. Just my 2 cents.

SisterNeko's picture

Oh I agree, I just put all the in there to tell you guys what happened. When DH says that he wants to tell SS7 the 'truth' I think he needs to realize what the truth means. SS7 loves BM and isn't going to believe that or want to believe that.

I think in time SS7 will eventually see BM for who she really is based on what she does to him personally in his life time not what she has done to others. If she is going to be the 'bad guy' I would let her do it all herself. DH shouldn't cover for her or make excuses when she does dumb things but also shouldn't add to it.

If I were DH I would just give him the basics, it didn't work out. At a school thing a kids asked SS7 why he had 2 house and ss7 said it was because mom and dad fought a lot. BM almost started crying, I don't think she realizes how much he remembers.