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Super irritated with DH right now.

Simpleton21's picture

SD developed a staph infection from a bad spider bite and then swimming in a gross lake while we were camping (apparently the bacteria in the lake infected the bite).  Anyways, anytime either of my children or even if I am sick SD stays at BM so she doesn't get sick.  Also in the CO it states that BM keeps SD if she is sick.  Well I'm thinking staph infection equals sick so she should stay with BM and not spread her disease to my 2 boys.  I tried nicely telling DH this morning several times it would be best if she stayed at BM's tonight.  

Low and behold he texts me saying he is going to get SD b/c even though she is still in so much pain she wants to come over....WTF?!?!? It is okay for her to come possibly infect my children but we always protect her from any potential sickness?!?! I'm livid right now and of course I'm the bad guy.  Grrrrrrr!!!!! 


Simpleton21's picture

From the blisters that she keeps itching and touching stuff afterwards....I believe.....and no she isn't a super neat freak kid.

somethingwicked's picture

With Hyperbole.

It starts out very small then grows exponentially wih every tantrum, screetch,scream and boohoo waahhhhhh.

It spreads via the acoustic nerve as those around the "afflicted"cannot tolerate the increasing decible frequency of the wounded  as the injured I mean party .. transmits more frequently and with increased frequency their  need for attention.

Thus the afflicted should be taken to a place where the individual may be isolated from spreading more anxiety to others and ,too, demanding every shred of attention and  will receive speshule intensive care preferably from the BM where the incident was determined to create  patient zero with a spider bite.


Siemprematahari's picture

So because she wants to come over to h@ll with your kids and possibly infect them??? Where is the consideration for yours? I'd text him and let him know.....if she comes over they better be quarantined together in a room. I wouldn't allow that double standard BS......


Simpleton21's picture

Exactly!  And to hell with the fact that I told him twice this morning to exercise the CO and leave her at BM's as the CO states that BM keeps her when she is sick!

ITB2012's picture

My DH tried this with one of the skids that had boils that had burst and were oozing puss that ended up needing antibiotic shots at the ER more than once. When he showed up the third time I told DH that he either drives YSS right back to BMs since that's where he was, that's where it started, and no one here was sick and shouldn't be exposed, or I will and when I get there I will give BM a talking to. And if a kid is sick that kid stays where they are at, they do not travel to the other house.

DH argued a little but even he was grossed out and knew he had no leg to stand on (especially since the first time it happened I blew a gasket when I passed by the bathroom and overheard YSS telling DH that BM told him to "just leave it open to air out while at dad's." NO. Absolutely not.

Send her right back to BM. If she starts to get sick at your house and BM has other kids, then the same would hold true that she'd stay at your house.

Simpleton21's picture

Yes, she has the boils and just got meds yesterday so no way is it cleared at this point! 

ESMOD's picture

If SD is on antibiotics, from what I read, she wouldn't be "contagious" within 24-48 hours.  If her coming over is within that time period then I think it's appropriate to take precautions to prevent any possible spread.

Now, of course, your kids are only liable to really be at risk if they have open cuts, sores or bites of their own.. but precautions never hurt.  So.. up until she is in the safe zone (after 48 hours on meds).. she should be in her room and shouldn't be sharing a bathroom with your kids.  So, for the time being, they should shower etc.. in your bathroom and not one shared with their sister.  Alternately, your DH can be responsible for sanitizing the bathroom after her use.. laundering any towels and wiping down surfaces etc...

A staph infection isn't 100% the same as a kid FEELING sick.. but I can see that if in the early stages there could be a small risk of transmission.. I think with proper hygiene by all... that this risk can be almost eliminated.

Simpleton21's picture

She has only been on antibiotics for 24 hours.  She should have stayed at BMs. BM won't let her come even after my kids have been through contagious periods on sickness but will send her to our house in the middle of the contagious period.  Also, SD is OBSESSED with my 4yo.  She is always picking him up and in his face.  She doesn't leave him alone.  She is not a very sanitary child either.  Guess DH will be sanitizing the bathroom and I'll be leaving with the boys to go somewhere.  It is a major double standard and stupid.  She has open oozing blisters like one of the other posters mentioned.  

Monkeysee's picture

I’d pack my kids up & take them overnight somewhere.  Double standards don’t fly for me & DuH can deal with his contagious kid on his own.

Harry's picture

unless they are rolling around together.  Just keep them separate.  Let DH keep SD somewhere. Like her room. If she that sick she should be in bed.  You camp out in the living room,  SD on her bed room

Simpleton21's picture

I guess she is in her room but she will use the common bathroom and it can spread that way as other's have mentioned.  Also the custody order states that BM keeps SD when she is sick but b/c SD wanted to come over we just ignore that?!?! I think it is crap.  Why even chance exposing all of us when we could avoid it!

ESMOD's picture

Do you have a 2nd bathroom?  if so, your kids will just need to use yours.  Yes.. inconvenient.. and a pain.. but all you can do is deal with it rationally.  If you think you need to move to a hotel for the duration.. do so.

Shoot, my brother and his little boy moved out to a luxury hotel for a few days when his wife got the flu... (yeah.. left her at home..I think her mom may have stopped by to check on her).  It was a bit extenuating circumstances since the little boy has had a ton of illness this past year.. but he did what he felt he had to do to keep the kid safe.

So.. you could do that right?

Simpleton21's picture

We don't have an extra bathroom.  We could do that but why when the CO states that sick SD stays with mother and she was already with her mother.  So the RATIONAL thing would be to leave her at BM's house while she is sick.  Why go pick her up and then tell me and my children deal with it, move out to a hotel, use another bathroom?!?! The most convenient and smartest thing would have been to NOT PICK HER UP AND BRING HER INFECTION INTO MY HOME UNNECESSARILY!!!!!!!  

NoThanks's picture

You know she’s not going to stay quarantined in her room either. It’s another reason for her to ham it up and get attention and sympathy. I don’t blame you for being so pissed. The lack of consideration for others in the home is inexcusable. 

GrabitAndGo's picture

Bar the all the doors and windows, and don't let your DH or his little Drama Queen in.  He wants to see her so bad, let THEM to stay in a hotel.  She can get all the undivided she wants there.

momjeans's picture

Ugh. I’d be pissed with my DH too.

This is giving me flashbacks to when BM would play down skid’s illnesses, so she could get skid off her hands, and to our house where we had a newborn. Like, high fever and barking cough kind of illness. Of course, DH couldn’t let skid down. Oh no. 

Their CO stated skid had to stay at her primary home if/when she was sick, too, which was BM’s. BM would never have any of that. 

thinkthrice's picture

Chef would take the ferals even when they were projectile vomiting and we would end up getting sick only to miss work and lose desparately needed income. Thank GOD my bios were grown and out of the house whilst this circus played out.

My bios would stay home if ill and exes wouls make up the time when they were feeling better.

Simpleton21's picture

Exactly, can't let the kid down by rescheduling to a time when she won't be sick and laying in her bed the entire visit!!!  Ugh, more like he didn't want to deal with the wrath of BM so he dealt with the wrath of me.  Give BM back what she wanted!!!! She is the one that created the CO that states she keeps the child when she is sick.  Hold her to her CO, even the parts she doesn't like, just like she does us!  This is the same BM that swooped SD up in a blanket and whisked her off to the car (rescuing her) from our home once b/c she had a fever but now that she has a contagious skin rash it's okay to leave her with us?!?!  Now that BM has created a monster with her coddling her and making sick into showtime she wants to pawn her off on us?!?! And risk my kids?!?! Nope!  SD was crying and texting DH the entire night before about how much pain she was in and wanting to to go to the ER!  DH is still made at me b/c he had to take her back to BM.  I don't care though.  He can be mad forever.  This is ridiculous!

advice.only2's picture

Uhh no the fact that she has blisters and boils she needs to stay home!  Staph infections are highly contagious.

i never understood the thought process when a kid is sick or in pain making them get up and go someplace else just because the parent can’t get over their own ego.

she will be over once she is better, FFS all these parents who think their visitation is more important than their damn kids health.

Harry's picture

It’s his fault, all of this.  You need to have a talk with DH, 

Simpleton21's picture

Um, if you read the title you would see that I do blame DH for this and I did have a talk with him.  It was useless though.  He loses all common sense when it comes to SD.  

Simpleton21's picture

Update to this.  DH took SD back while I was on my way home from work.  BM went off on him told him he was dumb and she wasn't contagious....yet she didn't send her to softball b/c the infection had spread and she was in so much pain!  DH came home pissed at me still.  I don't care.  He then sanitzed her room and all the door knobs and washed her bedding.  DH works in the cleaning services in the freaking hospital.  He knows how bad staph infections are.  He can be pissed at me all he wants.  I also think BM just wanted to pawn her off and probably already made plans that this was affecting.  I know for a fact if one of my kids had a staph infection and was on antibiotics for just 24 hours BM wouldn't have sent SD to my home.  The double standard is sickening.  It is also just stupid.  As others have said.  If the kid is sick leave them they can make up the time.  Let them rest!  Don't go infect another damn home!  

GrabitAndGo's picture

Ohh, to have been a fly on the wall when he told SD she had to go back to BM's, and then to see BM's reaction.  

Simpleton21's picture

Well according to DH SD was understanding about it and didn't want to get other's sick.  I assume she probably would understand that since BM keeps her from our house even when we have non contagious illnesses.  However BM went off big time about how dumb DH is and she isn't contagious and she hopes that DH gets it.  I'm sure she said more but I wasn't there for that either.  Good, be mad you idiot BM, YOUR CO THAT YOU CREATED STIPULATES THAT YOU KEEP SICKO!!!!!!  BM really hates when she has to abide by her own damn rules and it isn't convenient for her.

Annoyed1's picture

Staph infections are not contaigous. Staph is everywhere in our environment and is an opportunistic bacteria that enters through a cut in the skin and only is able to spread if the immune system of the body isn't able to fight the infection. I wouldn't worry so much about your kids getting it, but it is troublesome hearing that it's spreading and she's in more pain from it. It can be life-threatening if antibiotics don't work. Hopefully they're able to get it under control and fast. Are they able to take her back to the doctor to have them look at it. She may very well need to be admitted into the hospital and put on IV.

Simpleton21's picture

Well the dr told her it was contagious.  As well as many medical sites.  Since both of my boys are active and have cuts/bruises and SD isn't really sanitary I'm pretty sure it could spread.  Maybe not super easy but why even chance it.  There are no other children at her mother's house and the CO says to BM keeps her when she was sick.  BM won't send our house if anyone is sick whether or not it is contagious....yet she sends a kid with open sores in pain to ours?!?!! I have a big issue with this.  

caligirl510's picture

staph is a bacterial infection that can affect the layers of the skin and become cellulitis but if it is not contained, it could spread into the muscles, because so many doctors used to prescribe unecessary antibiotics the bacteria became stronger which is called MRSA, and is extremely contagious especially when the wound is draining or there are open sores, the last case reported was a football player who spread it to his whole team

Simpleton21's picture

Thank you medical professional, caligirl.  Everyting that I have read says that it is contagious.  Especially when she has blisters and it is spreading.  Even if it isn't why chance it when she could stay at her mom's (per CO order)?!?!  Why chance my children getting sick from it also?!?!  

caligirl510's picture

your kids getting sick that is a life threatining condition as the bacteria can become resistant to antibiotics

Simpleton21's picture

Well that is what I did and had SD go home.  If that makes me evil and whatever I'm okay with it.  I love how it is okay for BMs to be protective of their children in cases like this but not the SM.....


caligirl510's picture

portrayed as victims and SM have to deal with all the bs, they put themselves before us, but we need to stand up for ourselves and our kids, Good job I'm proud of you for doing that

Simpleton21's picture

Exactly!  Thank you!  I will continue to stand up for my children.  I have just as much of a right to protect my kids from a skid as BM does to protect skid from mine.  

BM is so upset her "punishment" to DH is not letting him have SD back until it is cleared!  Wow, what a punishment....doing what she should have done to begin with!  Especially when that is what she had put into her CO!!!!!

Simpleton21's picture

Also want2 as worried as I am about my kids getting the infection do you really think I would have let any of them swim in the lake if I had known that was a possibility?!!? Good grief!  My sons could have gotten it also.  I didn't cause her staph infection and then tell BM to deal with it.  My son also had an open wound when swimming but he didn't get infected. I'm not God!  I'm just an evil step mom that gave my SD a staph infection apparently in an infected spider bite that happened at her MOM's HOUSE.  Wow, some people on here need to get a damn life.  

somethingwicked's picture

I bet that spider that bit SD was a  SM spider. Probably a  species of a  helpful ,beneficial spider  some members  in their emotional insecurities  unhappy in their current relationship with SO or DH like to refer to as the "Floozie."

Those are the type of spiders  that lure  from the poisonous species "BioHoBag BuM "spider the  DuH spider .The DuH is the male of the spider species  who are frightened of  the BuM spider as she will  eat him after mating( like most spiders do )  and  afterward  will ruin  his credit while banging several other spiders popping out baby spiders that BuM spider claims is DuH's.


And,OP, did you not realize that YOU  MUST be accountable for EVERY moment that your skid is visiting and even more astute and vigilant than her own biofather.That is YOUR burden to bear as an Evil SM.

You must also possess the gift of intuition,forsight and a crystal ball up your A$$ so you will know when skid gets bit by a bug , gets her period,picks her nose and scratches her butt while  at the BioHoBag's filthy flop house full of vermin.

You must be more mother and father to the skid when skid is in your  presence  visiting her father per the CO and accept no thanks or appreciation as you bear your cross of inequity.  Did you not realize that it is YOUR FAULT the skid got bitten and then jumped in the lake?

I wish some members on ST would go soak their heads  in a lake.Dunk  3 times and take out twice ..Right?


Simpleton21's picture

Seriously Somethingwicked, dealing with the parental decision I made?!?! Um NO!  My parental decision would have been to leave SD at home since it wasn't even our weekend to have her.  I am not SD's parent.  None of those decisions were mine.  My parental decision was to follow the CO that BM insisted on and let her have her sick child so as not to infect my healthy children.  But of course I'm evil and caused this infection and made BM deal with it.  What a crock of poop!  Funny thing is BM tried to blame us for it also.  She tried to say it was hand foot mouth disease b/c my son had it the week before and we didn't have SD over to PROTECT HER from getting it.  I see it is okay for us to protect SD but not my own children.  

Yes, it would be nice if some users would dive into that lake and just not come up for air.  Good grief!

SecondGeneration's picture

You are right, if the CO states that SD stays with BM when sick then she should have stayed with BM.

In the early days BM would change my DHs visitation due to SD being sick, the judge said nope not playing that game and it's actually written into his CO that visitation schedule is to be maintained regardless of sickness and the only exception is a hospital admission in which case whichever parent SD is with is obliged to contact the other immediately.

Now we are 6 years further and communication is way better between DH and BM this is one of the things we are sometimes flexible with. There has even been occasions that SD has stayed with us because she was sick, DH was off work but BM needed to work. But those are exceptions to be agreed by both parties. 

Now my DH and I have our own bio, if SD is sick with something serious, or our bio is then DH contacts BM and they try to figure it out together, but if no exception can be made then the CO is followed. (Not had it happen yet that either of the girls have been sick with something potentially dangerous for the other yet)


What sucks here is that your DH jumped at BMs suggestion for visitation to go ahead without taking the health and wellbeing of your other children into account. Which in turn, upon him returning SD to BM because of her being potentially contagious just screams to BM that YOU had the problem not DH and is more ammunition for the whole step mother creating problems and interfering thing again.