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O/T - Big Ol' Babies

Simpleton21's picture

I have to know, am I the only one with a DH that is a complete man child when he is "sick"?!?!?!  I STG I am so over being married right now!  At approx 8am my overgrown man baby started complaining that his "intestines hurt".  This is a complaint he has frequently which probably has to do with his awful diet but that won't ever change.  Anyways, I am also annoyed that he says his intestines hurt, trying to make "I have a tummy ache" sound more severe or something...IDK!  Well when he started his whining I told him to take a pepto and/or anti-diarhea pill (we have both at home) and he doesn't go to work until 9am.  I knew he was going to turn this into an over dramatic display of dying with sickness.  He doesn't get paid if he takes off work.  He also always gets mad b/c I am not sympathetic (I swear I can almost predict when he will play sick).  He continues to complain about his "symptoms" until about 11am when his work "sent him home b/c they are slow".  I call BS!  His work hasn't sent him home for being slow in the 90 days he has worked there but all of the sudden today they do?!?! I'm sure they did send him home but not because work is slow.  I'm sure they were annoyed af with his dramatic display of sickness!

I know I don't sound sympathetic and it is because I am not!  I feel like it is a big show so he can go home and sleep and not worry about having a short pay check again.  I'm always the one that has to budget and make up for it b/c I handle the bills. 

Honestly, this $hit is getting old and you add in the PITA SD, the gross MIL and the stress of steplife it simply isn't worth it.  I've been considering divorce for a while now.  I keep holding out thinking things might change but it is becoming very evident that he has no desire to change.  Again, I know I probably sound heartless but there is a pattern here with his "sickness".  It is such a turn off to watch a man act like he is dying over a damn tummy ache. 

Okay, had to vent before I snapped!

Comments

Jcksjj's picture

Mine doesn't play sick, but he is a baby when he's sick. When I'm sick I still end up getting up to help with the kids. He can't do that of course, he has to stay in bed all day.

Simpleton21's picture

OMG, so annoying how they are babies about it!

Yep, same, when I am sick I usually still go to work to because otherwise I would be at home caring for the kids while sick.  No one takes them to the sitter for me so I can rest and get better!  Going to work is easier!

Gimlet's picture

Awww, Simpleton ((hugs)).  It sounds like you are getting tired of dealing with all the bullshit.  Death by a thousand cuts is just as real and hard as one big event.  Once your emotional bank account is in the red, it's a lot harder to find humor or redemption in things.

Would your husband be open to counseling?  Do you have the energy and desire to do it? 

You might be getting close (if not there) to feeling contempt for him, which is a very bad thing for a relationship.

Simpleton21's picture

Thanks Gimlet!  I am defintely tired of the BS and it is death by a million cuts at this point. 

He says he will do counseling but has made no effort to find a counselor and schedule it and honestly I am past the point of caring.  He knows how I feel and if he was really worried about us divorcing he could take some steps too.  Saying it is just for show.  I don't have the energy/desire to waste my time finding a counselor, missing work and paying a co-pay because I don't think it will make a difference.

Oh, I'm past the point of feeling contempt for him and it is definitely a bad thing for any hopes of salvaging this trainwreck of a marriage!

tog redux's picture

Sounds like the SD apple didn't fall far from the tree!

My DH does not act like a baby when he's sick. I think because he has some true, serious medical issues, and has been through a lot, he knows how to cope with it. If anything, he wants to just be left alone, even though I'm happy to be the nurse.

Simpleton21's picture

Nope, as annoying as SD is with all her BS she comes by it honestly, both DH and BM are to blame!

I think mine only acts like a baby so he can "show" me how sick he is and then get mad when I don't baby him and show sympathy.

I am like your DH.  If I am sick I just want to rest and be left alone not coddled and catered to!

tog redux's picture

I hear a lot of women say their husbands act like babies when they are sick. Hence the term "Man-cold".

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, thanks Gimlet, those pretty much sum it up!

I'm trying something I haven't yet.  Over exaggerated concern and caring.  He doesn't seem to like that either Cray 2

Simpleton21's picture

Or "man-flu"! LOL! I have heard this as well but the men in my life that I grew up with never ever acted this pathetic so it is a huge turn off and I'm over it.

Maybe I should go into over dramatic caring for him.  Bring him home every tummy relief aid that we don't already own, a snuggy, a teddy bear, some depends so he can stay in bed and let me change his diapy!

JRI's picture

My DH, an extrovert, loves attention.  That is amplified 1000%  when he is sick.  I'm an introvert.  When I'm sick, I want to turn my face to the wall and be left alone til I get better or die.  I think its a personality thing.

It annoys me, too, when one of DH's small illnesses or seemingly imaginary "hurts" requires so much attention.  Three doctors have told him hes healthy as a horse.  His oncologist tells him he will live to 100 (slow growing prostate cancer with zero symptoms).  Sigh... 

Simpleton21's picture

That makes sense and I agree we all deal with it differently.  I just have an issue with a big ol man being more whiny/needy and attention hungry than my sons when he doesn't feel good! 

Also, my dad was NEVER sick and if he was you didn't know it.  He could handle any injury/illness like it was nothing so I guess my standards come from that example so this big cry baby woe is me act is even more brutal!

oneoffour's picture

I work in the medical field and one of the symptoms of covid-19 is GI upsets. So take him to a testing site to have a labotomy aka nasal swab. Then isolate him in the house to reduce exposure. Place his food outside his bedroom door (he can't sleep with you) and no interaction until he is given the all clear. It is the most uncomfortable test. He will want 20 prostate checks before having this test again. Rinse repeat every single time he pulls this crap. You never know, he may have it. Or not. But better to be safe than sorry. And some people only have one symptom! This could be him! He cannot deny he doesn't have it can he? It would be so worth the drive to take him there to see his dicomfort.

Simpleton21's picture

If I isolate him in the house to reduce exposure he will be out for 14 days.  I definitely can't budget with 14 days of no pay from him.  1 day is enough.  I completely get where you are going with this though.  I am totally doing my over dramatic caring right now.  Told him he definitely needs to go to the dr.  It could be cancer and he can't keep letting it go.  I would be worried that it is a COVID symptom if he hadn't been pulling this "intestines hurt" long before COVID was thing.  He is of course refusing to go to the dr. 

I would love to drive him to a testing site and have them shove a swab up his nose though.  Give him something to really cry about!

oneoffour's picture

Ignore him. Or say "Until you keel over on the floor and stop breathing I am over your dramatics. One day you will be extremely deathly ill and no one will believe you. Then your daughter will be fatherless. This is rediculous and pointless. I am not listening anymore, Please take yourself to bed or the Dr. Although it could be covid. Hmmm. Maybe you need testing?" Scare him a little.

Simpleton21's picture

After a few suggestions here I have gone into over dramatic caring mode and I'll tell you he isn't loving it!  He stopped messaging me about it though so WIN!  I suggested he get to the dr right away b/c of his constant "intestine issues" and it could be cancer.  Also, told him (based on another person's comment) that it is a symptom of COVID and he should hurry up and go get tested because we don't want the kids getting it and affecting other families since they go back to school next week. 

I don't think it scared him because he knows he is being over dramatic and that is also why he won't go to the dr.  I think it did piss him off but oh well Yes 3

thinkthrice's picture

you can only hope to outlive them.   Once you suggest a doctor, they usually stop whining.   The only exception is that they come home with a huge gash or smashed thumb ans seldom complain.

"Let me check out webmd....hmmm it could be your spleen...no maybe a fatty liver, or your pancreas..."

Simpleton21's picture

I'm pretty sure I will outlive DH.  He is very unhealthy and will say he wants to be healthy but apparently he can only work out and do healthy things if we have a gym membership that we can't afford right now.  That crap drives me crazy.  You can eat healthy, quit drinking soday and walk and improve your health.  You don't have to have a gym membership, that is an excuse and a poor one at that, so I tell him all the time that at least one of us has to stay alive to care for our children!

If he came home with an actual severe injury or illness I would be sympathetic.  That hasn't happened! 

Hahaha, oh yes, webmd is fun, it is almost always cancer! 

halo1998's picture

he is a drama king when sick.  

I'm only patient for so long....and then I snap.

The sniffles he is dying....headache..dying....blah, blah, blah.

I had my thryroid removed and took DD and SD to a theme park 5 days later. Granted I walked slow AF and didn't go on any rides..but I went.  (It was scheduled before I knew I had to have surgery so I couldn't reschedule the trip).

When he gets too bad..I tell to stop being a damn man-baby or I will get out the damn man-diapers.

My give a damn left years ago because of the over-dramatics.

Simpleton21's picture

OMG, it is so annoying and such a turn off!  My give a damn is gone also! 

Women are much stronger than men when it comes to illness (it seems).  Of course you still went on vacation and lived.  It is amazing how we can still function after surgeries/illness and they are giant pansies!

I'm getting depends on my way home.  I already decided that! LOL! 

Simpleton21's picture

Well I mean he is having poopy problems and can't handle work so he better get rest and just use the depends so he doesn't have to walk all the way down the hall to the potty.  That would be painstaking!

Thisisnotus's picture

OMG this is my life! I'm so glad someone can relate.

DH is complaining every single day that he has a headache, stomach ache, allergies, you name it......i ignore it now I'm so sick of it.

he is over weight....eats horribly, drinks horribly, is lazy all the time....no activity no sunlight.....

he got covid (legitimately sick this time)and isolated for 5 days upstairs alone....I cared for the toddler ..I tested positive on his 6 th day.....do you think I got one break from the toddler or one single moment of alone time to rest...... NOPE.

DH also has this odd thing where any time we vacation he is sick....like clockwork. He never misses a day of work for these "sicknesses" and he is never "sick" when skids are here .....hmmmmm

Simpleton21's picture

Yeah, I just read your blog about the groceries and picking up precious!  We are definitely in similar situations.  OMG, can never be late to pick up SD or not show up to a sport PRACTICE but has missed all of YDS's recitals at preschool.  It makes a person resentful.  They can show up and step up for the COD but not the child they have full time?!?!? He can't be bothered with getting up to fill YDS's cup with milk or make YDS food but on SD nights he is sure to feed her the moment she walks in and never thinks about what anyone else will eat.  She only has a few hours though so vital that she is fed.  The rest of us, eh, who cares!?!?

I can completely relate!  He seriously just told me that maybe he is allergic to junk food!  WTF?! Are you kidding me?  Or maybe you are dehydrated b/c you work outside in the heat and rehydrate with mt dew and soda and NEVER drink water! 

I'm so full of resentment and anger with him right now that I don't know if I would even care if he was legitmately sick but I doubt he is.  He is refusing to go to the dr. 

Oh of course he needed plenty of rest to overcome COVID but you still have to care for the baby and act fine! 

I think I might hate men.  I am going to raise my boys to not be big whiney pansies!  It is disgusting!

Huh, that is odd, how it is like clockwork and predictable.  See...I'm not 1 bit surprised that DH is all of the sudden super sick.  He just got through his 90 day probation period at his job and got a raise so who cares if he takes off for 6 hours for being sick b/c he got a raise and made it past his probation period.  Also at his old job anytime he accrued more PTO he would immediately be sick and call off and use it.  Then complain about never having PTO.

I guess I shouldn't be to surprised he has no standards for himself.  He was raised by a woman that never worked and has zero standards at all!

Winterglow's picture

About the junk food allergy... Intestinal pain is a common sign of celiac disease. Add that to the list of ailments to check for. 

24 years as a SM's picture

DAH will get a cold or flu and sit in his recliner and moan and groan all flipping day along. GO TO BED, I don't want to hear it!! Expects to be waited on hand and foot. Then when he gets really bad heartburn, he acts like it's nothing, HELLO ASSHOLE, the really bad heartburn is not always heartburn, it's a symptom of the flipping heart attack. DAH has had 3 heart attacks with the same symptoms each time and tries to ignore it. Complete denial, the whole time he's being transported to the hospital.

Do not get me started with any cuts or scratches on the man, big flipping baby. I would like every man to have to go through labor one time and they would find out who is the strong of the sexes. 

Simpleton21's picture

Ugh, WTF is wrong with these "men".  My DH is the same and will make fb posts about how he is dying and expect me to cater to him and get him soup and medicine and whatever instead of going the hell to bed and sleeping it off!  My DH hasn't complained of heartburn or had heart attacks but he does occasionally give himself a panic attack and have to go to the ER b/c he thinks he is having a heart attack and it is just a panic attack which I usually realize ahead of time but he just revs himself up more and more until he is sure he is dying!  They just suck!

OMG, yep, DH has had some cuts that he continually cries about and shows me over and over if I don't make some sort of sympathetic reaction to.  Like really?!?! My boys handle pain better!  Um, labor and just monthly periods.  If they had painful periods like I do (and I'm sure others) with 2 day migraines and cramps, they would die, there would probably be workplace policies that men could stay home sick when they had their periods Dash 1

Catmom23's picture

This reminds me of a meme i saw.  It said something along the lines of "when a woman gives birth the pain is so bad she can almost realize what it's like for a man when he has a cold".

My SO gets sick and refuses to stay in bed.  He has to sit in the family room in front of the TV coughing and sneezing everywhere so eventually i end up sick as well.

Simpleton21's picture

Ugh, yes, my DH does this also and requires like 15 meds to help him through his 2 days of "sickness" Bad

Plus obviously when we get sick we get no special treatment or down time or 15 meds!

 

shamds's picture

hubby claims he is sick and has a sore throat...

its like this manipulation tactic to feel sorry for him.

but when kids are sick and mum is sick..... guess what?? We are expected to suck it up and still care for everyone!! There is no excuses

Simpleton21's picture

Oh man that would piss me off and I would call him on that.  After an argument I would beat him to the chase...."here you go honey, here is some tea with lemon for the "sore throat" you are about to encounter".  I can't help but be a smart@$$ with things that are so predictable like that!

Oh yes, of course only men need the caring/catering/special treatment when sick.  Everyone else should just carry on as usual! LOL!

strugglingSM's picture

My DH rarely takes time off from work, but he is a man-baby when he gets sick. When we were on our honeymoon, I got a cold first and wanted to rest and he told me that I was fine and there was no need to rest. Then a few days later, he got it and you would have thought he was dying. I teased him about it and regularly remind him about it. 

I also agree that it's difficult to put up with DH's annoying traits when you also have to deal with a HCBM, dysfunctional in-laws, and dysfunctional, dramatic, conflict-creating Skids. I tell DH all the time that it may be unfair, but he has to be on his best behavior to make up for all the crap he brings into my life. 

ndc's picture

My DH is a baby in terms of the whining and making a big deal out of little things. When a cold or flu runs through the house and we all get it, somehow the kids and I can carry on but he must lie on the couch and moan.  In his defense, he does NOT stay home from work for these maladies that will have him whining and expecting to be waited on at home.  Even though he doesn't miss work, I still think he's a big baby because I was raised by a father who NEVER complained that he didn't feel well and just sucked it up and did what he needed to.  I never understood the man-baby man-cold because I'd never experienced it before DH.

In your case, I would be livid if my DH didn't go to work due to a tummy ache, especially if he has a history of that.  Your husband seems to come with a lot of baggage and crap, and doesn't seem to be making the effort one would want to see.  I hope everything works out well for you no matter which way things go.

Picardy III's picture

My DH is pretty good about soldiering through when sick - if anything, I encourage him to take off work and activities, or he won't get enough rest to recover.

However... he does the moaning, ear-shattering nose blowing, and exaggerated hacking cough. Why must men be so *loud* when sick?