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New Year, lets hope for the best

Shieldmaiden's picture

Its a new year, and let's hope for the best. Things with DH and SD's have been fairly tame lately, thank goodness. 

SD16 comes over for Sunday dinner, instead of the whole weekend. She is polite, engaging and seems to be frustrated with her older sister, SD19, for being "selfish" and "pretending she knows everything when she doesn't." SD19 refused to come over with her, saying she doesn't want to deal with the "drama" at our house. What she means is that she has to act polite, not snap at anyone, and has to put her dishes away. DH made it clear to both of them that the new rules are here to stay. He 's had enough of their BS. So, SD19 has given us the cold shoulder.

I am neutral about this, because until she gets psyciatric medication, there will always be some reason for her to be depressed or angry. Her anger Imakes no sense, since the argument that started all this was between me and SD16, not her. She was upstairs getting out of the shower and ran downstairs to "defend" her sister from my terribly mean comment "you are still somewhat a child, so you have  a lot to learn about life. You don't know everything, and that's okay." Well, SD19 looked at me so fiercely, as if I had called them both some terrible name, I wondered in that moment, (as I have before) if SD19 has been abused at some point, and told that she was  "just a child" to keep her quiet. That was just my gut feeling, when I saw how upset she was over such a mild comment. Its like she was overreacting because there was an "echo" of someone else saying that to her in the past - but to cover something up. (Is that crazy? ) I think its her grand-dad. He always gave me the creeps. I sensed he was a perv, and one of his best friends is a known child molester. (DH kicked this friend out of the house while his kids were visiting their grandparents - and told him if he ever caught him there when the girls were there, he'd beat him senseless. )

So, for now things are good, and DH has sad that SD19 can figure it out on her own, because he has tried for years to help her, and she has shut us both out. I agreed. She has made her own choices, and must live with that. She is a very stubborn person, and wants handouts without putting in any effort or facing her own demons. We are done with that. That is enabling.

So, here's to hoping for a better new year! I appreciate all of your support over the years. 


JRI's picture

She's 19, in a perfect world, she would be too busy with her own life to come to Sunday dinner with dad and SM.  She knows the door is open if she acts like a normal person.  Enjoy (yeah, I know) dinner with SD16, don't discuss SD19 and have a glass of wine when she leaves.

I'm hoping for a good year, too.

Elea's picture

Exactly, my DD22, a normal kid, rarely stayed for dinner at age 19. If she did stay it was usually because she was cooking for the entire family. I can't even fathom SDiablas 26&24 cooking for us. In fact, during their over extended after Xmas stay, my DD said to SD26 that she was going out to buy groceries so she could do some cooking. SD26 met her with her signature blank stare, open mouth fish face ... I am sure helping out around here with grocery expenses never occurred to SD. The only person she ever helps out is HC BM. She makes such a mess of everything she touches it is probably for the best that she stays out of our kitchen. 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Just to explain...SD19 is NOT busy. She doesn't work. Her only friend lives in another state. She spends all day playing video games and watching movies and crafting. Every time DH calls her and says "Hi, what are you doing? Or What's going on? She says in a flat monotone that sounds vaguely angry and clipped: "Nothing." or "Watching a movie." If he asks what movie, she says "i dont' know."  She lives in in her own little world. BM is crazy so one day I'm sure BM will just kick her out. I worry that she will have a meltdown then, and DH will feel the need to rescue her, like he used to. Hopefully he is beyond the enabling and will put her in a group home or something until she can handle reality. As long as I don't have to live with her, that's fine by me. She can suck the happiness out of every room, with one self-righteous smack of her lips and a mini -lecture on why we know nothing and she knows everything. 

AlmostGone834's picture

15-21 is just about the worst age I think Little Idiot lived with us when she was 19 and I remember the snarky attitude well. I damn near strangled her several times.