Seriously irritated
Hi so I've been with my kids father for 6yrs .When I met him it was interesting I have a 17yr old from a previous relationship they never got alone but we managed through the years just figured my son didn't like him because his dad wasn't involved.Shortly after I became pregnant I met his son who happens to have Down syndrome it didn't bother me at the time because the boy was younger and he barely had him. The genetic disorder caused concern for me so I got testing and the probability was really low that our child would be affected around 5 months pregnant during anatomy ultrasound markers on my now 4 yr old son also pointed that he would have Down syndrome which he's does it was really hard to come to term with but I love him dearly! So I've been becoming familiar with being a special needs mom and we have had a daughter who doesn't have a disability as well I'm Currently pregnant with our 3rd and I'm always busy this is the problem I ALWAYS have my kids I never get a break there dad has never stepped up to take the role of my 17yr old but soon as his dysfunctional bm pop up for him to keep his son who is now 12 she thinks it's ok to leave when it's suppose to be a day or two but ends up being weeks at a time no clothes he has a bowel problem so he poops all over my house I'm constantly washing blankets clothes underwear it's really gross.....my kids dad thinks since I'm the step mom I have no problem with this but I'm so uncomfortable I hate when he's around because my load is widened and I have enough kids of my own I have so many mixed feelings I just want my house to myself help.........his son puts everything in his mouth so I constantly have to sanitize everything because he chews up all my kids toys if irritates tf out of me
- Shhh1234's blog
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I just want to make sure I am
I just want to make sure I am following your family dynamics:
Being a parent to a special needs child is challenging to say the least. Being a step parent to a special needs child who will always be dependent on you is a whole other world. You don't have a close relationship with him other than being a caregiver when BM (birth mom) needs a break. Your "partner" believes that you should clean up literal shit from someone who is probably the same size as you at this point with a smile on your face (doesn't sound like much of a partner to me).
It is ok to disengage. It is ok to tell your husband no. It is ok to tell BM no. You are not their live in nanny.
You need to get a job. Get out of the house and find a way to support yourself. Your son is old enough now to get into programs like headstart at school and have care throughout the day. He needs to get enrolled for next school year if he isn't going to be in Kindergarten yet. You need to be prepared to leave and take your kids with you.
His son isn't going to change, that much you know. He can't help how he was born. However, you were not the one to choose to bring him into the world and he is not your responsibility. He has 2 parents and they need to figure it out. Just like you are going to have to figure it out with your partner and your special needs son with him.
My SS21 has autism. He is "age adjusted" to around 12 yrs old. He is 6 ft tall and now a hormonal a$$hole most of the time. It is not fun. BM has no relationship and I don't get breaks. My SS will poop himself because he doesn't like to have bowel movements so he waits and waits and sometimes doesn't make it to the bathroom. I have to monitor his bathing, teeth brushing, bathroom schedule, doctor appointments, therapy appointments. It sucks. However- I have a wonderful husband who supports me. Takes over as much as he can when he is home (military so he isn't always home). He never makes me feel like I "have" to do anything. There is a big difference in what you describe for your relationship with a special needs child.