Husband does too much for his Ex!
Hi, I’m having a difficult time and needing some advice. I have been married for 8 months to a man that has 3 kids with a lady that he never married. One child is sick and the mother stays home with her and the other two kids. My issue is my husband pays all of there bills. Electric, water, gas, phone , cable , internet... everything. Plus gives her child support. She calls and he does all the grocery shopping... I even help pick up items and meds. Take kids to the eye doctors. My husband gets calls from her asking to repair the heater or air conditioning. To air up tires on vehicle. Even mows her yard.... I really don’t know how much more I can take. I have asked my husband to back away from doing it all for her. He has even bought a ATV for them to go riding in. I don’t even have one of those! Tonight I look at messenger and find out she has his credit card also. I’m married to him and I don’t have a credit card with his name on it! I don’t even have a debit card and he's my husband. I'm not asking to to stop taking care of his kids but it's like he has taken they're mother to raise. He told me he never loved her and never wanted to marry her , so why does he have to continue to do everything. I keep telling myself that I have boundaries and I tell him that also. Do I sit back and continue to let he do everything! It's so werid. I told him the only thing he isn't doing with her is sleeping with her now!! Frustrated in Arkansas!! I'm sure when she needs a new vehicle he will get that for her also. He is currently remodeling a house for her. One last thing the child they have together also gets a government check so it's not like she doesn't have any money.... and I understand he needs to pay his child support. Am I over reacting?! Do other wife's go thru this? I'm so stressed over it all. Thanks for listening.
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Were you not aware of all of
Were you not aware of all of this before you married him? How long did you date him before you got married? Have you talked with him about any of this?
This would be a massive dealbreaker for me, he’s completely enmeshed with his ex, nowhere near ready for a new relationship, let alone a marriage with someone else. If he’s going over there to mow her lawn & repair her heating etc, are you sure they’re not still sleeping together?
None of what you’re describing is normal or healthy. If he’s not willing to cut out all this extra crap & her access to his money that way you need to cut your losses with this guy. I’d also look into individual counselling for you so you don’t get into another relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t ready for one.
Why did you marry this man
Why did you marry this man when he clearly already has a wife? Of course you are not over reacting. This is not normal and most women would never stand for any of it.
Say what? Did he hide this
Say what? Did he hide this from you until you married him? This would be a deal breaker for me but I'd give him one chance to clean this all up, once and for all, before you go loco on his ass. Time for a serious discussion.
You say you have boundaries
You say you have boundaries but what boundaries?!! Not to be rude, but are you serious?
I'm not sure why you would think anything about this situation is acceptable, including marrying into this dynamic? Wow!
Wow
I could never live this way. Why are you married to him. What are you getting out of this relationship?
Being a helper to his ex. He is already married to her.
Time for a big talk with him. And some help from a professional. To try to save this marriage
He's an idiot
Doing all that is stupid. I get wanting his kids to be looked after, but if he wanted that he'd have them with him. The mother has to do her part too. It's not fair on you or your husband.
Me and hubby do not have joint bank accts, we have seperate ones
But i do have his credit card details for shopping and often to buy airline tickets, hotel bookings and whatever online shopping. As a sahm, hubby transfers money to me every month.
His exwife does not have his credit card details, even his kids from exwife don’t have it, they don’t even know how much money he has in savings. Thats just stuff i am privy to.
Seriously what is this man’s excuse for allowing his ex to have his credit card info?? Is it for the sake of the kids??
No you are under reacting if that is a thing..
Wow!! This is crazy! As others asked how long did you date this man? Was this behavior out in the open or did he just show it once you were married?
All of the things you have listed are unacceptable!! It would appear that this man was not available to start a relationship with you let alone a marriage. I would say that you need to put the brakes on this behavior and if you can't get him to agree I would think about getting out!!
Sherbert, please excuse us
Sherbert, please excuse us but we have seen a lot of trolling posts similar to this, hence why we may decry 'fake news'. Question as others have, did you notice this when you were dating? Why did you marry him anyway?
It seems odd that you would even question if this is ok/normal since it's glaringly obvious it isn't.
Headed for further heartbreak.
Don't expect things to change. He obviously still cares emotionally for baby mama if he takes care of her financially. I hope you are not paying the bills for your home.
It seems odd that you would marry a man who is financially responsible for someone else. I wonder if this is a real post.
It’s not a fake post.
I feel like a fool. I didn't know anything about the credit card until last night. I knew that he was paying her bills since she doesn't work and yes he pays our bills also.
I do truly love this man and have tried really had to be a step mom to the kids. Theyre mom doesn't do a good job at anything. Please pray for me to have guidance and to figure out a way to resolve this. Thanks everyone.
The best way to resolve this
The best way to resolve this is to get out & find a man without the drama. Even if you end up getting what you want, guarantee the drama BM kicks up won’t be worth the struggle. This guy isn’t worth it. This is insane, please value yourself more than you value this enmeshed man.
Well I think praying won't
Well I think praying won't really help you, you need action. I'm still stunned you would marry this guy knowing he paid all her bills.You just found out about the CC but everything else you knew and thought it was a good idea to marry him?
How do you feel being the
How do you feel being the second wife? Second in everything. This man may not have married the first one but he is certainly behaving as if he were married to him... Enjoy being married to a bigamist, do you? No, didn't think so. Then why are you helping him to run after her?
Honestly, I don't think you married him to be treated like a bit on the side ... and I'm not even sure you are getting that much consideration and respect. IF he won't change then all you can do is change how you react to this sickening situation. If it were me, I'd be out of there so fast he wouldn't see me for dust ...
He's having his cake and eating it too - do you really want to be had?
Fake post or not
This is what my (now ex) was doing.
Only I wasn't married to him.