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Unable to feel empathy for DH

shellpell's picture

For some reason, I cannot empathize with or feel sorry for  DH about SS11- whether it's about his lamenting how similar he is to BM, his utter averageness, or things like only seeing him around 25% of the time and not having enough influence on him. And for the record, I am an empath and can really feel people's (and animals') pain, which makes it hard for me in a lot of ways. I have a block when it comes to DH and Ss. Does anyone else have the same issue? Is it because SS has been a sulky spoiled aggressive little jerk ever since I've met him?

*Rude comments and trolls will be deleted, thank you.

Comments

Jcksjj's picture

I feel very much the same. And I've wondered why, because I feel like I'm normally pretty empathetic. And I feel bad for DH on like a cognitive level, like I can imagine how much it would suck if it was my kid, but I dont actually FEEL it very deeply like I do with other things. I'm not sure if it's because the dislike I have for SD makes it too hard to empathize with him about her or the anger about the midwife behaviors he allowed/created or what.

Kiwi_koala's picture

I don't feel any semblance of empathy for my bf at all. In fact, it annoys me when he's sad about not seeing his children. In my situation the reason why I feel that way is because my boyfriend said he knew he made a mistake on his wedding day and then proceeded to impregnate his wife 5 times(4 pregnancies and 1 miscarriage). I'm sorry but you don't keep having kids with someone you can't get along with so no sympathy there. Then once they were separated he chose to get his gf pregnant 3 times resulting in 1 miscarriage and 2 children. At this point you think he would do everything in his power to make this work right? You know,  because his heart is always broken according to him. Nope they can't work it out and he wasn't even with her for the second pregnancy sooooo I really don't feel bad for him. He created his own pain through poor choices. Then he recently chose to move further away making joint custody of the younger two impossible. 

Perhaps you also don't feel for your DH because he made poor choices. I obviously don't know your situation though.

Guiltriddenameteur's picture

My OH has 3 sons. The eldest lives with us and I have no issues with him. The middle one is fine, a bit angry sometimes and REALLY picky with food but generally he's ok. The youngest one Diablo ever since we had our daughter has really shown a different side.we've always known he had an evil side but since my daughter I just don't trust him. When he's nice and behaving I believe he's manipulating us. His horrible side is awful. For a 6 year old to be so violent is terrifying and he has this crazy obsession with my daughter it makes me uncomfortable. Anyway, because of this, whenever my OH talks about him, what to get him for his birthday, Christmas or something hed like or whatever. I bubble inside and just stop listening. I have loads of time for the other 2 and can empathise for them but because I don't like or trust the youngest one, I just can't give anything to do with him any emotional time. I do the basics. Feed him help him with homework and talk to him but when it comes to feelings, there's a barrier there. I'm beginning to think alot of feelings and emotions I thought made me a horrible person are actually normal since joining this site. It has helped me alot to chill out. I hope it does with you too xx

Lifer33's picture

But I understand why I don't feel empathy. Coz he moans about ss 10 behaviour, entitlement etc then entitles it some more, nearly every time. Is this the case in your household?

 

tog redux's picture

My guess is because this type of father blames the BM for everything while being a lousy parent themselves, so they won't even own the one part they do have control over.

captjacksprrw's picture

An Empath closing down regarding someone they love is no different than the person who is careful around a hot stove because they have been burned.  Do not worry.