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Do you care if skids like you?

shellpell's picture

Someone had made a comment on a previous blog post that a rule I was thinking of implementing for skid would have the result of his thinking I don’t like him or want him around. The fact that something I wanted to do would have that effect wouldn’t change my mind in the slightest. I don’t care if skid thinks I don’t like him. I can’t base my decisions on whether or not he may think that. So this begs the question: do you care if skids think you like them or not? Why or why not?

Comments

momjeans's picture

No. I do not care if skid likes me, and I cannot ever imagine caring if skid likes me. 

I am so indifferent when it comes to her, I just cannot even begin to put it into words. 

Once a year or so, my MIL will make a poor attempt at a backhanded comment in regards to her ‘knowing I don’t like skid, so why bother...’ kind of thing and it’s beyond comical, because she’s right. 

My reasons why align with SFbaby’s.

sunshinex's picture

Yes because she is my son's sister. BUT I also recognize that BOTH of them won't like me at times. That's what being a parent (step or bio) entails, unfortunately, lol. 

shellpell's picture

I can see this particular reason as making the situation sticky. Skid can say to your kid, “ your mom doesn’t like me!” Maybe try to turn your own child against you.

sunshinex's picture

Exactly. I would never want my son to think I'm unfair or mean in any way. I want to set a good example for him, which means treating her the same as I would treat him. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Nope, I couldn’t care any less. Stepdemon is only half sibling to my real kids. Irrelevant to my existence.

tankh21's picture

I could really care less if the skids like me as well. So much drama has happened and SanFranciscobaby pretty much said it all that I was thinking!!

lieutenant_dad's picture

I care If they like me (or, more accurately, that we have a decent relationship with one another), but not to the point that I wouldn't require respect and decency from them. They're still kids who need to follow rules.

If they decide they don't like me because of rules, so be it. I'm never going to implement rules that aren't for their betterment. I'm never going to try and sabotage a relationship with them. I also have zero desire to give in to them just to gain a few warm fuzzies.

ESMOD's picture

I also wanted my skids to like me.. or at least have a decent respectful relationship with me.

Look, if you are in a relationship with their father.. it is going to be infinitely more difficult to live together in the home when his family or kids dislike you.  Does that mean you let them walk over you.. not necessarily, but you don't make rules that are designed to highlight the child as not belonging to the household.  So, in your prior example.. some limits like "don't use the good china/glasses (put em away).. and don't horse around on my fitness equipment and get hurt or break something... but if the kid is taking piano lessons and you have a piano in the home he can use to practice.. I would let them.. as long as it was being used resepctfully.  

In the end, it may be a moot point.. most parents pull teeth to get kids to practice their instruments..lol.

shellpell's picture

I appreciate your perspective. The rule isn’t to highlight skid as not belonging. The rule is to keep something special for me and mine. As sms, we already share and give so much, I think it’s fine to sometimes keeps something for ourselves and our own bio children. But yes, you’re right about getting kids to practice instruments anyway!

Siemprematahari's picture

Step kids not liking me is none of my concern. I'm at a point in life where I care about how I feel about me......regardless if its a family member, friend, coworker, or step kids. What they think or feel about me is none of my business and it's so liberating.....

Kes's picture

I have never cared less whether my SKIDs like me or not.  Actually NPD BM trained them to hate me from the outset, so there was no point hoping they'd like me.  For sure I didn't like them - nasty, entitled and demanding little Madams they were.   I have no interest in whether people for whom I have zero respect, like me or not.  To warrant my concern over this, you would first have to behave like a decent human being.  

strugglingSM's picture

I probably used to care, but they bring so much drama into my life that I don't care anymore. 

BM complains so much about all the people who "hate" her that she's convinced both of them that everyone is out to get them. I can't convince them otherwise, because she has told them how much I "hate" her, so they'd never believe a word I said, even if it was a powerful life lesson about how despite what their mother says, everyone is not out to get them. 

Because both BM and DH's family all think that I'm out to get SSs, I've had to move myself to a place where I don't care what any of them think of me, including SSs. I will make myself happy and focus on my relationship with DH and that's it. The benefit of people being judgmental about me for no reason is that their opinions stop mattering me. 

Jcksjj's picture

No. It's not even a consideration. I get pissed off by blatant rudeness, snottiness, disrespect from her especially when I know shes doing it for the sole purpose of being a brat but I couldn't care less if she actually likes me. What annoys me is that its unpleasant to be around a kid acting like a brat. When shes not there I dont care because its not affecting me.

Saltlyfe813's picture

nope not even a little bit . Him liking me won’t make or break my relationship or my day . And I can’t stand him so I don’t really want him to like me because then I’ll feel like I have to ACT like I like him and I just imply don’t . If he tells my son one day that I don’t like him my sons response will probably be “Well my mommy loves me “ I doubt my son will turn on me for a child he won’t know much anyway 

Bex_S's picture

I couldn't give 2 shits if my DH's spawns like me or not. One is an adult fortunately So I don't have to deal with him at least. The kid, all I expect is for them to respect us and our house. Apparently that's too much for them. I know this kid hates me and my son (with DH), yet pretends to love us for attention from DH. I'm already on the verge of saying to DH that skid can't come here anymore. I'm sick of my son, DH, me and my house being disrespected by this brat. You come into someone else's home, you don't trash the place and act like you're the centre of the universe and we have to change our entire lifestyle and routine to suit you when you only stay for 1 night a week if that. I couldn't care less what step brat thinks. Follow my rules or don't fucking come here. Your choice.