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When is the right time????

Shell97's picture

I was just talking to DH on the phone (he's @ work) b/c DH felt the need to call and ask me what I thought about the following question.

Do you think we should tell BS11 before or after Christmas that there is no Santa Claus?

Me,"I'm not sure."

DH,"well I think it is time for him to know that there isn't a Santa. Before the kids at school start making fun of him for still believing there is."

Me,"IDK, my parents never told me there wasn't. I figured it out for myself, but I was younger than BS11 when I did."

DH,"My point exactly. Your parents were reckless in not telling you when you got to a certain age that there was no Santa. My parents told me and my sister, but still did Santa presents."

Me,"I know we should tell him, but I don't know when."

So here is my question you all my fellow SM's....when is the right time or age to tell your kids there is no Santa?


startingover2010's picture

when THEY are done beleiving, not the parents.

Shell97's picture

Well, I think BS11 still believes a little....but DH is worried that if we don't tell him that when he goes into 7th grade next year still believing, that the other kids will make fun of him & pick on him about it.

libby's picture

Tell him after Christmas - It will make it that more special for DH

One last time to leave out the cookies
One last time he will believe in the magic of Santa

Its not the same when adults KNOW the children no longer believe

My BD let me think she still believed for years

Shell97's picture

That's what I am thinking to. Is to wait until after Christmas. That way BS11 has one more Christmas filled with magic....even though BM ruined it for us with the Skids years ago. BM told them when they were like YSD6 & OSD8. And I think BM did it on purpose like that, b/c that Christmas was going to be the first time we ever had Skids over night to wake up at our house Christmas morning.

Shell97's picture

Even though BM told the Skids that Santa isn't real....DH & I always surprised all 3 kids by getting a few things from us and the really big, expensive things came from Santa. Which all 3 of our kids kind of knew that DH & I really couldn't afford to buy them that stuff. So, I think they wanted to believe, but wasn't sure. BS11 has always believed in Santa.

StepChicka's picture

Tooth Mouse is too cute!

My kids being of SA decent know of this little guy. They would put the tooth in a shoe beside their bed. My daughter one year even made a cheese trail.

herewegoagain's picture

Cool, yes, I grew up with the tooth mouse too...hehe

As far as Santa, I think kids will find out when they find out...

Jsmom's picture

Don't tell him. My son figured it out around 9. Tried to tell me. My answer still is "If you don't believe you don't receive" My stepkids have been told the same thing. If they say anything to the contrary they won't get presents from Santa. They are smart now.

Why ruin the fantasy for him? Life and the playground will do that soon enough.

Pantera's picture

I agree. SS9 asked if Santa was real last year and my response was the same (if you don't believe you don't receive). Im not sure if he knows or not, but I want to keep the fantasy alive. I would let him believe until the kids at school let him know.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

prayerhelps's picture

Our kids figured out for themselves, and we never "lied" about it. If they asked about Santa, we told them that we believed in the spirit of Santa Clause, and always would. We still give them SC presents, even though they are 16.5 and 15---of course, we get some too---and DH gets something a little special from Mrs. Clause every year (last year while wearing my Mrs. Clause negligee Wink It's fun and makes the day magical whether you are too old to believe or still enjoying it as a child.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Yes, I would say don't tell him either. And at 11, if he's in public school, he probably already knows, whether he wants to believe it or not is something entirely different. I never out right told perfectson17 but he figured it out fine on his own.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

To add to that thought, I'm 38 and to this day my mom says "Santa left this for you" LOL!

LotusFlower's picture

This is what we did with SD12....we told her that a lot of people don't believe Santa is real...but in our home he IS and will always be 18, 16 and 12 still put out cookies and milk and write a it has become our "thing",,,they still want alll of their gifts to say from "Santa"...hey...if he's in yur heart who says he not real?... Wink

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

Elizabeth's picture

My attitude is to pick a good point in time and tell them. That's what we did with SD, and that's what I'll do with my BDs. I feel like in a way if you don't tell them it's like you're deceiving them and when they finally figure it out they don't trust you as much. SD was 9 I believe, and other kids at school were making fun of her for believing in Santa. So DH and I discussed it and decided she was old enough, so he told her. I think it was before Christmas. I will tell older BD when she starts questioning but will ask her to "keep it under wraps" so younger BD can continue to believe. Right now we're big on how sneaky the tooth fairy is and where she gets all her money!

Shell97's picture

I didn't want to disagree with DH and cause another argument...but I think that BS11 does know, but still wants to believe. We kind of discussed it a little bit last night during supper and when SD15 said there is no Santa. BS11 says "Yes there is!! How do you think we got all the presents we have in the past when mom & dad didn't have the money to buy us anything." Just like BS11 still wants to believe in the Easter Bunny & the Tooth Fairy. I mean isn't that what being a kid is about....believing in the magic of things & believing the impossible is possible?

jenjen's picture

Well, While I love preserving innocence. Im not a good liar so when mine started questioning at 4 years old, I tried really hard to keep it going, but he caught on and was a non believer by 5:( He knew that he knew something that the other kids didnt so he has always "pretended" until he knew someone else didnt know, usually by someone asking if he beleived, and him asking do you? But I think 11 years old is strangely old. Its different if he's pretending to "go along" becuase he doesnt want to ruin it for others. But I am surprised he hasnt been picked on for it yet, 6th grade? They start liking girls in 6th grade? I bet that when he is told there is no santa that he says "Yeah, I know".

But I agree, enjoy one last believing Christmas!

Shell97's picture

Yeah I think BS11 knows Santa isn't real...but doesn't want DH & I to know that he knows. I guess maybe b/c he thinks that it would ruin Christmas for us. B/C we have no other children...BS11 is our youngest.

sweetthing's picture

My skids are 12 & 9 and as far as I know SS12 believes or at least pretends like he does for the others & mymyself. We take them each year & get Santa pictures and he tells Santa what he wants. My bothers kids have never believed & I just had a talk with my mom this morning & asked her to speak with my brother & let him know I DO NOT want his kids ruining it for mine because he decieded that Santa was the anti christ & never let his kids be kids.

I kind of think they figure it out on their own when their friends stop believing.

Shell97's picture

That's probably how it is with BS11....he pretends to believe. B/C during our talk last night, he made a comment. BS11 "Santa is bringing me a desktop computer with an LCD flat screen monitor." I said what is he bringing you? And he hurries up and says "Oh I don't know, I ment that is what you & dad are getting me." And SD15 chimes in...."see I told you he didn't believe!"

Selkie's picture

There IS a Santa! It's YOU!

I've always taught that Santa is the spirit of giving. A friend of mine feels this way too. Her 11 year-old daughter has figured out that there isn't really a literal man in a red suit who comes into the house on her own. But Santa still exists in their home. And her saying is, "If you don't believe, you don't receive."

Santa still comes to our house and always will. Smile

Abalyn's picture

I wouldn't tell him. He probably already knows and if not, he's not going to shout it from the rooftop at school and draw scorn from the other kids. The first time someone says "what?!?! you still believe?!?!" He'll say "uh, no, nuh-huh, I was just kidding"

My son figured it out at about 8 or 9, but his dad told him if he didn't believe he wouldn't get anything. I don't care for that approach. That's like teaching them to lie to you for gifts. When he finally (at 11) fessed up, he was in tears because he thought that it meant he'd never get another christmas present.

When the girls ask, I just say "gosh, what do you think? Do you think I could afford to buy the Wii that Santa brought last year?" Usually seals the deal pretty well!

Sara_Smile22's picture

Oh boy...I disagree about telling him at all I think. My daughter is 8 and she's not too sure, but still is trying to...soon enough she'll decide she doesn't maybe but holey moley let them dream and be kids as long as they much pressure to grow up these days. Is this maybe just another attempt to save a kid natural bumps and bruises of growing up? If they never feel some of the discomforts of life it is going to devastate them when their parents aren't there to protect them from it all. At that point, they look really silly compared to learning stuff when it's age-appropriate. JMO

StepChicka's picture

I wouldn't say anything either. If DH insists then definitly after Christmas.

A few days ago, I asked my BD10 if she still believed. She said no because it's impossible for Santa to hand out presents to everyone in one night.

Jbee27's picture

FH and I had a conversation about this the other day. He wants to tell Tortoise this year. I told him to let him figure it out on his own. I figured it out when I was about 11. I figure he'll find out sooner or later. Let him have the magic a little while longer.

Most Evil's picture

I would never tell them. I don't recall anyone ever teasing me for believing!!
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers