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Past Life

Shadow79's picture

Shortest possible version of our backstory..... My fiancee and his ex separated in November 2015. She took off with the kids in August 2016. Divorce papers still not signed. He hired a PI and finally located them and received full custody in December 2016. He has had them full time since. She is behind almost $35,000 on child support. She went an entire year not seeing them, finally reappearing last September - where she also finally signed divorce papers. She was in jail for a while because of property damage to her rental and taking the kids out of state. Then she had two stays in a psychiatric hospital.

Now over 2 years later, my SO is being garnished for her hospital stays. She pays ZERO in child support. When she does come see the kids (she lives in the next state over) we still feed them over the weekend. Burger King, pizza or we have even made spaghetti and taken it to them in the hotel room. The kids know she doesn't have money and ask us to feed them - or she will save their breakfast from the free hotel breakfast and feed them that all day. 

She doesn't work. If you ask the children, they will tell you she is an author. We have no idea how she pays for flights, bus rides or hotel stays for days at a time. The oldest broke his spacer in his mouth. $500 to fix it, out of pocket because insurance already replaced one. I tell him constantly to keep his hands out of his mouth, he finally successfully broke the piece off last night. 

As our pastor at church said yesterday, "Press on".... we will press on to make the best of a sometimes hard situation. We love each other and have been fortunate in our blending experience. Stupid past lives.... but I'll press on.......

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Ugh. Why is he being garnished for her hospital stays? If she were a man 35K in arrears for CS, she'd be in jail. 

Shadow79's picture

Right?! He is being garnished because they were legally still married at the time of debt. They can't get any money off her, so they want to get it off someone! Sad

tog redux's picture

Are spouses legally required to pay the debt of their spouse if she isn't paying it? Has he spoken to an attorney about this?

agitated's picture

Sadly that isn't true. My ex is $19,000 behind and climbing. He has NEVER been held in contempt, not once. Never lost his license, not even a threatening letter. Child Support in the country is a dang joke. For those parents who pay, good for you! For the ones who don't, know there are very very very rarely any consequences. For instance, I live in FL, there have been ZERO contempt hearings in the state since 2009 even though, as of 2017, Florida's child support arrears are a whopping $5,834,267,735.

http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/state-data-on-child-support-...

 

Shadow79's picture

I don't know. He has a call in, but I had been garnished for my ex husbands medical bills. Because we were married at the time of debt, I was also responsible. Stupid, I didn't even know about him going in to be seen (of course not, he was med seeking).... 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'M SORRY.

We still owe around $10k in s*** the b**** took out while he was deployed and in his name. $5,000 of which is for her car she got repossesed. It sucks hard time. When she defaulted on everything we were looking at houses... They garnished his bank account and we lost our entire down payment for a house and ended up with my in-laws for a year and a half.

Dealing with someone's past is never easy.

As said above though, she's treated differntly because "mommy." A man gets that far behind, he'd be in jail, with a suspended driver's license. But because vagina, she's allowed to roam free, and from the sound of it keep incuring weird amounts of debt. Very hopefully not in his name.

Shadow79's picture

We are also looking at purchasing a home. We ran credit reports and there is a credit card that was opened in October 2018. He hasn't opened one and she has opened one in his name in the past. We are going to press on, but its frustrating. 

Yes, the kids have a Disneyland parent when she comes to town. Pisses me off. But nothing I can do to change it. I love them and him, so I'll suck it up.

Thanks for letting me vent though! Smile

CLove's picture

DH declared bankruptcy in order to separate himself financially. She had credit card debt when they got together in the amount of about 30K. then opened credit cards and such.

Yes, because she has given birth to them, she can do pretty much anything and her sh!t will still shine! And sparkle! 

Luckily, recently, she lost her teaching job and has been able to cash out on her retirement account (around 30K) plus she won a workmans comp settlement for around 50k, so she wont be crying poor for a while. And alimony stops in T minus 11 months (yahoo!). Child support wont break us, it still stings however. Anything that creates any kind of link to Toxic Troll stings, but it stings less as time passes.

Good luck house buying. Us too!