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Ex Wife Claims my Fiancé Pushed her - Fiance taken to jail

Senebou4's picture

I found out today my fiance was taken into the county jail this morning. The ex wife claimed my fiance pushed her in the parking lot. Here's the story...the ex wife came yesterday morning to pick up her daugther for school (as per the parenting agreement). The ex, angry at my fiance, slammed the glass french doors in his face and stormed off into the parking lot where she slipped on the side walk because of the ice from midwest winter. 

This morning my fiance was woken up by police at his door and they took him into the county jail. He is now told he needs to get an attorney immediately for this case (naturally). My fiance is not a violent man, anger is not his character. He is the kind of person that rather not deal with any drama. He thinks and acts logically and rationally. He is not lead by his emotions and is level headed in all heated times. 

This ex wife has a past history of physical abuse towards him, him recalling multiple times where she slapped him (and others). Other stories where the ex wife has bullied fellow students from her graduate school class, mutinazied against her grad school lab mentor, and forced her daughter to walk out into the frozen parking lot with no shoes on. This woman's past is littered with numerous accounts of "crazy" behavior and destructive actions....yet it seems my fiance is getting the brunt of all the blame. 

Any words of encouragement of those step families that dealt with a "crazy ex wife." 

Comments

tog redux's picture

He should never, ever be alone at an exchange, ever again.

Do them in public places or have someone there when she comes to get the kids.

STaround's picture

Very, very sorry, hope you get this resolved without a lot of legal expenses  There will be some. 

He should not be alone with her.  Would not rely on OPeither.  If it cannot be done, there are relatively inexpensive cameras you can get.  

Hopefully this will cleared up, then try to get turnover changed to no one gets out of the car.  This kid is in school, unless unusual issues,  old enough to walk from house to car.  

Where I live, it is recommended tha the parent getting the time pick up the kid.  The parenting agreement seems screwy if the kid is with one parent, and he/she doesnt take kid to schoool.  

ndc's picture

You said the ex was picking up their daughter when this all happened.  Was the child present when your fiance supposedly pushed the ex?  Is the child alienated such that she would lie for the mother about what happened?  You said it happened in a parking lot.  Is this an apartment complex parking lot or something?  Any chance there are cameras out there?  Any chance there were other residents out there?  It might be worth canvassing the neighbors to see if anyone saw her fall while out there without your fiance.  In any event, he does need an attorney.

I agree with others that he should NEVER be alone with the crazy ex.  If that means having a witness (other than you), so be it.  I would probably say that YOU should never be alone with the crazy ex, or alone with just your fiance and the crazy ex, because you could easily become a target as well.  If that means cameras or him wearing a recording device, it'll be worth it.  Even better would be making exchanges at the police station or something like that.  

Senebou4's picture

The daugther is 6 years old, so it is not viable to put the daughter in that situation.

It was an apartment parking lot. Unfortunately no cameras in at the apartment and there were no witnesses at the time, even though there are a lot of surrounding neighbors. My fiance has kept a written track record of all encounters and commuications he has had with the ex wife. However, now with this it may do little to help. 

We will be getting a camera system for him to wear when he does have to interact with the ex wife. I totally agree I need to keep myself away from her as far as humanly possible. 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Bm already brought the kid into this by making an accusation when the kid is a witness. 

Did you double check with rental office that there are no cameras? Since BM slipped and fell on their property, they might be a little more forthcoming with assistance in getting facts. Her next step might be suing them.

Senebou4's picture

That would be a good idea to double check with the office. If no cameras maybe it would be a good idea to see if they have a record on when they cleaned the parking lot. 

This woman is not out to sue, she is out to destroy. 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Are your fiancé and BM divorced? Were you involved in their break up?

Senebou4's picture

They are divorced. 

He told his ex wife that he was done with her before I came into the picture.  She pulled the trigger first before he could for the divorce. 

advice.only2's picture

I'm confused, did you guys get divorced? I thought he was your husband?

So was he arrested and booked on charges or was he just brought in for questioning?

Senebou4's picture

Technically we are engaged but I will refer to him as my husband or fiance. 

He was held for questioning. 

TrueNorth77's picture

We deal with a crazy crazy BM. She has called CPS and made false reports, had my SO arrested for "hitting" her (he never did, and luckily skids were witnesses once and able to tell the police he didn't touch her, although part of me wishes he had)...the list goes on. All of the exchanges are now done at school- meaning we drop off in the morning, she picks them up on her days to have them. It's written in the CO, to avoid situations like this. On days when there is no school or summer, they pick up and drop off at each other's houses, but the person doing the pick-up stays in the car so there is no interaction whatsoever. This could always be substituted for Police stations. They also have "all communication must go through Our Family Wizard" written in the CO. This has reduced contact to almost nothing except seeing her across the school gym maybe 4 times a year.

Good luck. It is an extremely frustrating situation, but limiting contact to essentially nothing helps. I hope your fiance can find a way to show he didn't do it, or they drop the charges.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

You said she slipped in a parking lot. Was it a public lot where there are security cameras? 

I am so sorry this happened. Hopefully there are witnesses that can help, even if that is the child.

twoviewpoints's picture

With as much anger from the BM , I'm surprised exchanges occur at te home's door to begin with. I don't know how log ago it was your So left BM for you, but those are not the best of circumstances for your SO to believe the woman is just going to forgive and forget. The woman has a burr up her buns and whether it's him or you , to her you both have targets on your backs.

Curious though, you've mentioned several times in your postings to BM runs and shuts/locks door between her and her ex (your SO). Could there actually be any reason for BM to fear your SO?I know you have said 'no' he's soft gentle non-violent blah blah blah, but why is she always running away and/or slamming door quickly to avoid him? 

No, I'm not saying he pushed her, but BM seems to believe he might or at least plans to use it against him if she can. 

Why not BM just remain in vehicle and Dad walk his 5yr old out to her vehicle. BM need not get out of car and Dad merely has to open rear door for the child to climb in and get in her car seat. Same when Dad picks kid up from BM. There is no need for either parent to be coming up to each other's doors. None.

At the least, BM will probably get a restraining order out of this latest go round. If that happens, exchange should be done at school so only one parent needs be present to get the kid or drop her off. 

Hopefully your So will be able to prove he didn't push BM....but if he manages to get himself out of this one, he best make sure he not set himself up for a round two. 

strugglingSM's picture

Your Fiance and BM should never be alone at a pick up. Is it possible for your fiance to drop the child off at school and BM picks her up at school, so there is no interaction? 

Senebou4's picture

The time the BM hid into her office was the daugther told my fiance that she felt like "Mommy is always angry and yells at me." He asked his daughter if she would like to speak to her mommy about this with him and the daugther said yes. Rather than face her child the BM ran away...she often runs away in situations where she knows she broke the agreement. Like the time BM let an ex-babysitter (banned from the parenting agreement) watch the daugther. 

BM decided this time to get out of her car to get the door for the exchange...no particuar reason. 

BM got my fiance banned from the daugthers private school. It was a whole fiasco on how BM made that happen but she managed to convince the school to not let him on school grounds ever. Basically my fiance had an unpaided parking ticket to the school and that was enough to get him banned. (Private school) My fiance already tried to push for a different school but BM refuses. 

CLove's picture

Sorry you are both going through this trauma-drama. Toxic Troll also has violence in her history - physical, verbal and emotional -towards DH. And she is also one to accuse him and I of abuse. The latest is her accusations that he would hit her. And his response was "um no - you got drunk - hit me - I pushed you away, and you fell".

And Toxic Troll is teaching her children the same things - and Toxic Feral Eldest is following in her footsteps - leveling abuse accusations that DH would hit her. He gave her ONE spanking when she was 8. Hes a big scary loking dude, with a deep resonating voice, so she imagines he hit her and he never did - just yelled a lot.

I hope that the truth wins out!!! Sending you and SO some prayers and good vibes.

Senebou4's picture

Toxic troll...that is a funny nickname. :X 

I wonder at what point does all the toxicity stop. At what point do people around this toxic woman realize she is not okay?! I feel like the only people who witness the toxicity is my fiance and myself. 

CLove's picture

The Toxicity of these people is such that it will burn and leak out, and so reveal their true nature.

And also - disordered people attract disorder. The other day, Munchkin SD12 was mentioning her mother and all her diastrous relationship mistakes. One after the other. Or they just run away and dont even become a mistake...

Biggrin

A toxic person such as Toxic Troll, who has narcissistic personality disorder doesnt think that they are toxic. You have to WANT to change, and make those changes in yourself. She sees herself as the victim always. Who does no wrong.

Short answer - it doesnt stop. It gets worse.

Senebou4's picture

I agree with the narisstic qualities. This woman has all of that and it is damaging her daugther. Several times I have witnessed my daughter (SD) have breakdowns if she spills something or break something on accident. The kid is on high alert when she is first with us for the weekend. Towards the end of the weekend she relaxes but I can only think it comes from her BM. 

Cover1W's picture

Just a warning - my DH was accused of DV, arrested for violating a restraining order (long story but all fueled by her high-paid lawyers and their recommendations; he's not violent in any way) that was put in place for no reason.

That arrest, with no conviction and charges dropped, remained on his searchable record for 7 years.  7 years of background checks in which the DV came up and he had to often explain to a potential employer the situation and that all charges were dropped.  He suspects he even lost some job opportunities because of it.

Your fiance will want to immediately counteract this as much as possilbe, because even if proved false, it will be there for a long time.

I am so sorry.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I wonder if BM is doing this because he left her for you. He needs to do all pick up and drop off st the police station. INSIDE.

Senebou4's picture

I feel she would do this to anyone regardless. Like a vampire she will suck the soul out of anyone. 

Senebou4's picture

They let him out and he took a taxi home. I am away at graduate school and visit everyother weekend. 

susanm's picture

Are they charging him with anything?  Has she filed a PFA?  Where does it stand?  He should not hesitate to get an attorney.  DV accusations are not taken lightly.  Meanwhile he needs to avoid contact with her whenever possible and put up motion sensitive  cameras at the entrances of his home.  Obviously she is ramping up and, if this effort does not work, it is very likely that she will be embarassed and feel the need to "prove" her allegations by having another incident.

shamds's picture

he always picked up and dropped off his 3 kids with her as she moved to the next state about a 2 hour drive there and another 2 hours back. She had sole custody of the 2 girls and hubby had sole custody of his son.

exwife stole money out of personal savings solely in hubbys name electronically, had her dad and brother (police officers) threaten to stab and shoot hubby if he didn’t pay her more money in the divorce.

hubby fought her in court because she wasn’t a wife or a mother, she was a stay at home wife getting a monthly allowance from hubby yet never did housework or did below the bare minimum required of kids and god forbid if my elderly and lovely fil came over from interstate, she opened the door, never said hi and would walk to her bedroom and shut the door while hubbys sisters messaged him at the level of disrespect.

well exwifes siblings who helped threaten hubby in divorce now aren’t on good terms with exwife because she’s a greedy pig (sd told us) since she knocked off with her late mothers estate and not split with siblings.

after divorce ss always followed and he left the car to go to bio mums door and wait for his sisters to come out and on drop offs helped them bring their things to front door, ss sometimes waited in the house but bio mum never walked out front door. Hubby never left his car so if bio mum came out hubby could always be ready with his phone and video record the exchange.

my husband despises the exwife, if she died today she’d do her kids and the world a big favour. My husband doesn’t want to lay eyes on her ever again so her recent mid last year born again religious mentality to change for the sake of their kids and marriages since they have now both remarried and in our case hubby had 2 new kids, spells absolute bullshit from everyone who knows the person she really is, just her kids are too brainwashed and narcissistic to see it.

in our case the exwife is a narcissistic whore and needs to give the impression hubby is the baddy except she failed at that because all the bullshit spun out of her arse about me (she’s never met) or hubby people have later seen were absolutely lies and that she’s jealous, vindictive, petty and so not over the fact that how dare hubby divorce her useless arse and marry an attractive much younger perfectly functioning baby making factory when she’s had her tubes tied and failed being a wife or a mum and can’t cook for shit... yeah real wife/mum material 

the 2 girls of theirs are spies for bio mum and brainwashed by her and do her dirty work without realising it, they’re too brainwashed and dumb to see it so they guilt hubby into going to exwifes home for visits which hubby was uncomfortable with when they reinitiated contact so i asked hubby do you even want to see or be in exwifes presence. With no hesitation he said NO!!

so i told him it was his right to refuse that visit which was only a means to control the conversation that the girls should freely be able to talk to dad about without having their mum control everything. 

Exwife has lost the right to demand everyone be civil or that her kids meet up with hubby at her place. She even had the daughters exclude us by just wanting hubby and ss over (to play imaginary happy family) as we suspect her current marriage of almost 10 yrs is in trouble and she thinks she can still hook hubby except he’s the one getting on top of my sweet arse, never hers never again.

i assume in your case there are no other siblings, so like others suggest that there are exchanges at police station since school is out of the question. If the meets were to be done at home, havesecurity cameras/cctv at outside points meaning front doors or windows to catch her behaviour and yhe boundary of your property because they would have captured this

you can buy these security cameras that work off the home wifi but they do need to be professionally installed from memory which costs money but in the long run you avoid all these unnecessary legal costs and fees

after the current court case/investigation, hubby has no choice but to have court order revised. Is there a possibility drop offs and pick up exchanges are done at a particular neighbours house just so they can act as a witness.

i understand most would avoid because they don’t wanna get in between this ex-divorce crap but who knows you might have a pretty built up neighbour so if bio mum gets physical, they won’t take that shit and happily put her in her place till cops arrive 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Just a thought after getting through all this. Your SO should request for pickup and drop off to be moved to the local police station. She can't throw any false accusations with the law watching... Avoid all this crap in the future.

So sorry about all of this.