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OT husband forgot my birthday

SeeYouNever's picture

It's 11am and he is in the basement working on a project with his friend and hasn't acknowledged it's my birthday. He did cook breakfast but that was because we had leftovers which could be used for one of his recipes. 

It's not like he totally forgot. He took off work this past week and the next one and told me he was taking off for my birthday because he had vacation time to burn. BTW I'm still working so my response was "oh that's nice what are you going to do?" He said he wanted to make me something so hopefully that's what he and his friend are doing in the basement. Still, it's not fun to spend my birthday alone with the baby. A gift from my dad arrived in the mail yesterday so that should have been a reminder. Usually we tell each other happy birthday (or happy whatever holiday!) First thing when we wake up.

I'm going to go shop for some stuff for my daughter. I guess I'm one of those mom's that kills time at Target now.


Thumper's picture


He didnt forget, he just thinks making breakfast and taking off is enough. Yooohooo downstairs and tell him you are ordering take out at 4pm FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY dinner and he has to go pick it up. ???

I'm sorry, I can tell your feelings are hurt.

Some men think fixing stuff (basement project) is what women want. Some think taking off work and making breakfast is enough.

Sometimes we have to tell husbands what we realllly want. They usually, very quickly, want to make that happen.





BethAnne's picture

I am always surprised that I have to remind my husband to say the customary greetings on special days...happy birthday...happy christmas...happy anirversary....etc. It is not that he forgets the day, just that he doesn't place as much importance on the greeting as I do. I don't feel acknoledged until he has said the magic words. Even when he proposed I had to tell him to ask "will you marry me"!!

I am used to it and just remind him. It is irrational in someways that I need to correct magic words spoken and am not satisfied with the other things he does for special days so I am ok with reminding him and he is good at accepting my reminders graciously and giving me what I want. 

Iamwoman's picture

Happy Birthday SeeYouNever!!

You should tell him exactly what you want for your birthday. 
I usually pick out my exact gifts and my own restaurant for dinner and just tell DH this is what I want. My last two birthdays I wanted to go sailing so he did all of the work to ready our boat.

Just tell him what you want. If you want him to take care of the baby so you can have alone time, then say it.

I for one, am clueless when it comes to birthdays. I ask what the recipient wants for gifts, meals, etc.

still learning's picture

He can't read your mind.  As stated in above posts your needs and desires need to be stated very plainly to DH.  Some people aren't as sentimental and gushy as we'd like them to be.  The sentiment I've read in a few marriage manuals is "He's not one of your girlfriends! Don't expect him to act like it."  If you want him to make a fuss you're going to have to do a SeeYouNever birthday countdown... 7 days until SYN's Birthday! Also let him know what makes you feel special.  

I never assume my DH knows what I want or will remember anything. I'm always direct about what I'd like for gifts and occassions.  I'm also a planner so we'll plan out in advance what's going on on our special days.  

SeeYouNever's picture

He usually asks me in the weeks leading up. It's very unlike him to just forget. 

tog redux's picture

I have to say, my DH is good about remembering my birthday. I don't really care about birthdays, so I usually just request that we go out to dinner - but one year he surprised me with a portrait of my dog that was wonderful.

I don't really get guys who can just forget such a thing, and in your case, he didn't forget because he mentioned it recently. So, maybe he is planning something special.

At any rate, Happy Birthday!

SeeYouNever's picture

Well it's 3:30 and he still hasn't acknowledged it yet. Still in the basement with his friend.

My daughter and I did go get ice cream, which was very nice.

SeeYouNever's picture

Well it's 3:30 and he still hasn't acknowledged it yet. Still in the basement with his friend.

My daughter and I did go get ice cream, which was very nice.

tog redux's picture

That sucks. Honestly, I'd go down in the basement and ask DH if he forgot something. Seriously. Embarass him in front of his friend.

beebeel's picture

Yeah, this isn't some "he can't read your mind!" moment or has he "forgotten." These are the excuses WE women give them for being inconsiderate assholes. A lot of men slack off and do the bare minimum in the relationship because they get away with it...

tog redux's picture

I agree. I don't even care about my birthday, but I do expect DH to remember it. And even more importantly, he expects himself to remember it.

If men care about something, they don't forget about it.

Iamwoman's picture

I'm curious too OP.

Please fill us all in on the conclusion to your birthday.

Was he making you a gift?

Did he really forget?

Did he make up for it?

Are you not on STalk today because you drank your pain away last night (if so, know you're not alone and that there is always a stepmother somewhere out there, drinking right along with you)?