BM has never made any allegations of abuse (thank God) but she often acts like she is afraid of DH... But only if her new husband is around. 

SDs new passion is tennis, she wanted to do swimming but BM says it was too expensive which was a ploy to get DH to pay for it. Anyway she sent nasty text messages but once DH called her to discuss it she was very timid on the phone. I used to think that she was some kind of bipolar or borderline and this was just part of her mood swings or manipulation. Stupid regularly go from a raging B to acting timid and afraid of my DH. 

I've seen my husband angry but he never loses control of himself. Granted BM cheated on him, a lot, so I've never seen him THAT angry. I think some of the angriest I've seen him is at his coworkers and after talking to BM on the phone. 

After he hung up I said that she let that one go pretty quickly. He told me that she acts like that whenever her husband is around.

DH is pretty sure that she has painted a picture for him of my DH as the abusive mean ex-husband. He said that she gave that narrative to everybody and his family and that once she called to yell at him because he hadn't removed everyone from her family as a friend on Facebook. He had been chatting with bm's brother-in-law about sports and she was livid that he hadn't cut contact with everybody in her family. He said she was afraid of people finding out that he wasn't evil and abusive.

He also told me that early in their divorce she threatened to include allegations of domestic violence but ended up letting it go because he told her that for that he may be discharged from the military and it would jeopardize his pay, and his pension (which BM desperately wanted but ended up not getting a piece of!). 

She goes on quite frequently about everything that she thinks dho is her he used to give in to the guilt but he doesn't anymore and he stays up tells her that he owes her nothing but child support and that's not for her that's for SD. Though in bm's mind he owes her money for all these various things as some sort of repayment for ruining her life and embarrassing her. He said that she was furious when he was telling people that they split up because she cheated on him he even brought it up in front of her sister because she was cheating on her husband at the time and they were covering for each other. He said that was a real turning point and she has made his life hell ever since because she was so mad that he put her on blast like that.