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snapped at dh/ss last night a little

secret's picture

Last night ss was being a little sh!t. The whole bit. Didn't want to do anything, didn't want anything, no's on everything, didn't want to eat, whiny whiny whiny.... uggghhhhh I hate that part of little kids.

Needless to say, I was running out of patience.

I went upstairs to grab a sweater, since it's getting cold, and head out to the garage for a smoke. That's my peace and quiet time.

DH is already out there...pulling some cigarettes out of his pack, and ss is bouncing around on the other couch. Then SS starts being all sucky and whiny... so I ask ss to please go back inside, we're about to have a smoke. More whining, more this, more that.... and then:

"My DAD said I could stay."

I dunno what came over me.... but I told SS he wasn't more special than anyone else, yet nobody else gets to hang out in here and this is bullsh!t. DH just looked at me. SS is just staring at me.

I went inside, and out the front door, sat on the front step.

A minute later, DH opens up the main garage door and tells me he drove SS inside for me. I said nothing. We didn't speak of it.

Later on, I told DH I was sorry for being cranky... he said I wasn't being cranky... maybe a bit unexpected of a comment though... I said yeah... but that I was tired of ss always getting away with stuff... and I'd had enough. He agreed that ss shouldn't even be in there anyway, but with him being such a little turd, the other kids wanted nothing to do with him that evening, they all went off to their own spaces... so he had thought ss being in there would be better than annoying everyone else... I told him that I get it, but that it makes it seem like ss is getting special treatment - and that wasn't ok.

DH tried to make excuses..but I cut him off, said no way... dh sometimes comes in there to fiddle with something, work on a project or whatever, and ss is always THERE..."helping"... and I told dh that needed to stop, too... that if he wanted ss to hang around with him while he was working on something, do it outside... because again, he's singling ss out for "special treatment"... if he doesn't want my son to help that's fine, he's got that right... but don't go in a space no kids are supposed to be, take your kid in, and basically have ss brag to anyone and everyone that he's helping dad in the garage when everyone else is basically prevented from being involved.

We went out for another smoke...and ss tried coming in, DH told him no. SS threw a fit, dh held strong.

Should be interesting...tonight DH is supposed to finish patching an area with sika before laying down some membrane to seal the floor... and I swear, if dh allows ss in there, I will LOSE IT.

Seems silly I know... but no way. Kid free means kid free. Not free from my kids while yours gets to run around t his heart's content.


Acratopotes's picture

relax... here light a ciggy with me.....

now that you are calmed down, listen carefully.... stop going off like a rotten bitch and evil SM.... change the game girl..

This is what will happen tonight... DH allows SS in a place where no other kid is allowed.. call the other kids and tell them they can go in there tonight, over and done with... You will stop allowing special treatments to SS.... if it's okay for him to go in there well okay for yours as well.
DH can then deal with all the kids in his way and you have the whole house to yourself Wink

Never apologize for telling SS the truth and never apologize for putting down boundaries...
nothing wrong in telling SS he is not special, he is a normal kid and will not get special treatment in your house... the sooner he hears this the quicker he will learn lol...

SS annoying the older kids, let them ask DH to get his snot under control ... you stay out of it...

You can't do it all girl, and hell if it's time for a smoke break no one but no one bugs me, I want to smoke in piece and quiet and if you irritate the crap out of me I will be a bitch.... unless you give me something really strong to smoke Wink

secret's picture

lol, that's what I will do if dh lets ss "help" in the garage... I'm going to ship ALL the kids in there and say it's project time, ss is already in there so grab a tool and get ready to help!

Then I'mma lock all the doors and take a nap.

Acratopotes's picture

see things are so simply once you can have a smoke with me, and honestly it was just a smoke, not the strong shit yet....

stop fighting the system lol... go with it and stuff it up , this will probably get DH to parent a bit more..... get your kids to contact me, I will tell them how to get SS to behave and it's not abuse or bullying.... Wink

secret's picture

lol... while dh might partake in the strong sh!t, I can't handle it so I don't...

DH is usually pretty good about things, but he's really just concerned about how things impact his kid, he probably didn't even consider that the others might see it as unfair, or that it's special treatment.

When he's made aware (like sharing his chocolate with ss but with nobody else - when the others are around) he smartens up or stops doing it... he became aware of that when he gave ss 3 pieces of his chocolate bar but none to my kids... so I cracked one open a few mintues later and gave some to my kids, and didn't give any to ss... kinda made a little production out of it... lol... ss asked me for a piece, I told him sorry, there's none left... and he said to me "But you had 2 pieces! You could have given me one!" "well kiddo you just had a lot of pieces from your dad's bar and ds/dd/dd didn't get any...." he pouted, etc... then DH jumped in and was all over ss saying he already had some and I was just sharing with them like he did with him... he's not done that since, though.... hahahah

DaniAM73's picture

Good for you!!! If the rule is kids free, it's kids free. No exceptions to the rule. My DH would have done the same thing. He makes these rules and then doesn't follow through. SS was probably thinking who is the new person. LMBO

Curious Georgetta's picture

His son is special to him. It is not unusual for parents to do one activity with one child and do something totally different with another child.
Children like adults have different needs and sometimes the activity is done to meet the needs of a given child.

Your son is special to you.
If you are allowed to interact with your child as you deem appropriate and see fit, why should your husband have the same right?

All children can be annoying at timed, and I am sure that it can be grating. But generally they outgrow the whinnying and become annoying in other ways.

secret's picture

You're missing the point.

If a room is designated Kid Free as a household rule.... he certainly does NOT have the right to allow his kid in while preventing the others from going in.

Obviously parents do things with individual kids differently - but don't you EVER enforce agreed upon household rules for everyone else but your own. You want to give your kid special treatment? Do it elsewhere.

Acratopotes's picture

seriously... why is his son so special to him that the house rules should not be followed?

If you declare a child free zone because of smoking then it means all the children... that's the complaint dear

Disneyfan's picture

Why do these men go along with rules that they clearly do not agree with?

OR at least say we need to revisit the rule.

secret's picture

Right. if a rule isn't working for some reason... update it.... but fairly.

Livingoutloud's picture

Why does DH want his child where adults are smoking? Does he not know about second hand smoking? I am a former smoker and no way no how I let DD anywhere around it.

Besides smoking issue, does DH treat SS differently because your kids are much older? You probably can't have the same set of rules with big age difference BUT he should address it, not just change rules

Feeling taken over's picture

My first post...
I’ve tread so many of your posts and they’ve made me feel like my feelings are validated and I’m not alone in this.

I’ve been in a “blended” family for 3 years now. This week I left the man I love, it was all too much. I’ve a little boy, he has two daughters. I own my own farm, he rents a home, visits here and I’m ok with doing all the shopping and cooking and cleaning...but the violence of the two girls, the attention seeking...throwing themselves out of trees to get attention, not allowing my son in his own play room, the tantrums on our birthdays, the never ending dramas, him sitting outside smoking while I deal with two girls who are out of control, dreading every weekend when they visit...the last straw was when my partner suggested I move my son into the dining room so his spoilt brat daughter could have his bedroom.....

I feel a sense of loss, and a massive sense of relief..,,