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I need a slap

secret's picture

I'm going through hormone crap I guess... because I kind of REALLY would like a baby.

Practically, my head knows that's just silly talk.

I have my tubes tied, but I also have the funds it would cost to have a reversal.

I might need a slap to convince me this just isn't a good idea...because DH is NO HELP. He teases me about it...and says it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'll give you a list of reasons Biggrin

1. Babies look like little alien potato humans
2. When you get pregnant your abs literally split to make space for the parasite
3. your organs also have to relocate and shift around, they just don't fit the same when a creature is growing in there...
4. Hormones, they're everywhere
5. morning sickness, plus, from what I've heard, this isn't actually just reserved for the mornings
6. The potatoes like to cry at night, like the entire night
7. Little parasites require constant attention and supervision, PLUS they can't watch themselves for an hour or two here and there...

But all that aside... You want a baby, go for it secret! Smile

secret's picture

1) yes - but CUTE alien potato humans! Then they turn into little drunk monkeys!
2) they're already split. I've already had 3. Blum 3
3) same as 2
4) they already ARE!
5) I have never experienced morning sickness. :O :?
6) Mine didn't...
7) Kinda comes with the territory... lol but a year off work!!

Acratopotes's picture

SLAP...SLAP...SLAP.... wake up silly willy....

it's only the last bit of mummy hormones in you and mother nature telling you time is ticking away, but even if you did reverse the previous decision there's a 70% change of not getting pregnant, thus money wasted. Rather go out and buy yourself a sports car or book a holiday on a beach somewhere... like Mars

justmakingthebest's picture

I briefly considered this too a few years back... My infertility specialist (they do reversals) said I was better off with Invitro, better success rates... Just figured I would pass that info along. Acra is probably right though, after about 2 years, it passed for me. Baby fever is ferocious though!!

secret's picture

It's on the table. If I'm going to go through with it, all options will be considered.

Ferocious seems like a light word to use. :O

Llilac1's picture

Ivf was our only option at the end and it worked. If you go that way or have any questions feel free to message me. It’s an unbelievably emotional journey and helps to walk through it with someone who has been there or is going through it at the same time. I was lucky because I had a friend who was going through the journey at the same time.

beebeel's picture

You had all of your kids before age 24, so you have no idea what it's like to be pregnant in your mid to late 30s? I do. I'd never do it again.

secret's picture

That's correct.

During my other pregnancies, I had no morning sickness, no heartburn, no intense cravings, no real issues other than a compressed nerve and resulting parasthetica meralgia, which still kicks in on occasion, and weight gain. I also had no drugs during delivery.

Many people I know have had both kids in their early 20s, and mid thirties...it wasn't drastically different for them - but I have heard it's much harder...so I can picture myself getting some good dope for the big event.

still learning's picture

I have 4 babies in my twenties with exH1 then the fifth at 32. The fifth (2nd marriage) was so much harder physically, mentally and I took much longer to bounce back. Then there was the drama of parenting w/two different fathers. I would never recommend this dynamic or say go for it. I thought marriage #2 was it for me and we would grow old together but no. 5 years later I was again divorced with another kid and I have years left of dealing with another exH. Love my kids but HATE divorced coparenting and trying to keep it all together.

I'd suggest fostering babies/toddlers. There's a huge need, you'd get your baby fix and get to try out the whole newborn thing with DH to see if he's up for it. Hopefully this passes. Best of luck.

secret's picture

There isn't really any drama with my ex... and from seeing dh interacting with BM, he's not a hard guy to parent with from afar.

Fostering would never work. DH has a criminal conviction from years ago - he was pulled over and had a quarter ounce of pot and an 8-ball with him. Which to cops, is apparently enough to consider intent to traffic... but to anyone who actually uses either, that's a week or two's worth of joints, and a night or two on the blow depending on the user.

And NO, dh doesn't use cocaine. Hasn't in years and years. He still smokes pot, though.

I've only been with DH for about a year and a half, but I've known him since ss was only a few months old. He's very good with babies, very hands on.

queensway's picture

I think some woman go thru this stage in their life. Wanting another child is more of a yearning than anything else. This to shall pass!!! No slap from me. I don't slap my friends. Smile Plus I love babies too, but Secret they grow up.

Llilac1's picture

I’m not going to be much help but if I could easily get pregnant I’d do it again and again and again. Maybe you really want another and it’s not just a phase? Make sure you listen to yourself!

Gwynnafaye's picture

I'm 48, I already have DS22 and DD17. DH has SS21 and SD17. My DH had a vasectomy 15 years ago (before I met him) and I've had an ablation. There is almost no possibility that I could get pregnant. Last month, I thought I was. I had the very sore boobs that I remember from my pregnancies and my period was a few days late. I took a pregnancy test that was negative and started my period a couple of days after that. Now, at 48 years old, there's no way I want to start over. BUT - for a little while, I was very sad that DH and I will never have a baby together. Then, we went out to eat and sat beside a screaming toddler, and I'm over it.

I'll wait for grandbabies. I can enjoy them and then hand them over to their parents when they throw tantrums. I'm in no hurry, though.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I personally would rather travel at this age than make another kid. My two was plenty for me and my husband has his one. Exploring the world sounds way more enticing.

Making babies....Been there done that. Lol Smile

notsobad's picture

You have the money for a reversal but do you have the money for another child?
The time off work, the lost wages, the extra health insurance, the dance classes, the swim lessons, the extra school stuff and then college? To name just a few things.

Then remember that you’re retirement will be put off and you’ll have less money for that.

secret's picture

I make good money.

I have a year off at 55% plus top up to 90% leave.

I have the option of taking a leave of absence (up to 5 years max in my career) unpaid to take care of children. Time during which I can continue to pay my premiums at work and keep my coverage.

By the time dance classes/swim lessons etc would come around, I'd likely have 1 on the verge of launching if not already launched.

College - they're on their own anyway, I'll contribute some but I'm not paying for all of it.

As for retirement - I can always buy back the lost time.

I have enough disposable income that I put almost 1000$ a month extra in savings, rrsp, and lump sum on my mortgage... and I get a standard raise each year plus bonus pay.

I'm not concerned about the financial aspect of things. I raised 3 kids on less than half of what I make now.

bananaseedo's picture

It will pass I think. I got pregnant unexpectedly the week I turned 40....and went through 2 or so years after we lost him desperately yearning for another child. I'm glad now I didn't. Honest to goodness I really make a better dog parent. My 18yr old is FULL of bad decisions-my almost 17 is a great kid but suffers w/depression so it's hard to get him out and about sometimes.

I don't really recall times being incredibly happy and filled of joy and fulfillment w/the kids-more like angst, worry, paranoia, worry, stress, work, cleaning, whining, nagging....those beautiful Kodak moments only exist on This is Us.

IslandGal's picture

How bout getting a furbaby instead? Cats are pretty low maintenance..and funny as hell. I was a dog person all my life til our cat Shiminy came into our lives. There have been many times when I'm feeling down..and he seems to sense it..he plays up for me..chases butterflies..stalks and prowls the shadows from the trees in the backyard..and has me laughing my ass off in no tisme. Im crazy about him.

My 3 Sons are 35, 25 and 19. I am now a grandma to irish twins who are 1 and 2 now. Theyre all the babies I need..lol!

Do whatever feels right to you..xx

secret's picture

We have both a cat and a dog. Our cat is a big fat Maine Coon who thinks he's a dog... and our dog is a Doberman Shepherd mix who is a big baby.