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I let dh think SS went to bed on his own but I feel guilty

secret's picture

This weekend, we had guests over for supper one night.

The kids were fed first... and DH, our guests and I were out in the garage, having a smoke waiting for the kids to finish.

ss didn't finish all his supper. No biggie... it's generally left on the counter, and he'll finish it eventually, because predictably, about 15-20 minutes, even though he "finishes" his meal, he's really just done with THAT food, yet wants other stuff to eat. DH has been awesome at making ss eat his leftovers when ss gets hungry again after the meal, so it's not really been an issue in a while.

SS left his plate on the counter, and went off to play.

On the counter, I'd left some cheese cut up, as well as some peppers and cherry tomatoes on a plate... for when our guests and I were ready to eat. The kids had a similar plate when they ate.

About 10 minutes later, I went in to get some water, noticed that someone had been picking in the plate. Noticeably. I asked my kids if they had gone at it... no. SS was nowhere to be found. So I cut up some more stuff, put it on the plate, went back in the garage.

A little while later, I went back in to turn down the oven, which was keeping our food warm until we were ready... plate had been picked at again.

This time, ss was in the back family room... so I asked him if he'd been eating the cheese and peppers on the counter... he says no. I aske dhim if he was still hungry, he said no. I asked if he wanted to finish his supper... he said no. At this point I noticed a slice of pepper sticking out from under his leg... asked him again, did he take peppers from the plate on the counter... no... I asked him if he was lying to me... no... I told him that I hope not, because the stuff in the plate on the counter was for his dad and me, and our guests... now ss is squirming... I asked him again... are you lying to me? He gets up, and speed walks towards the stairs... I follow.

He goes up and sits on his bed, covers his head with the blanket... I go in, and asked why he was lying to me... why he didn't just say that he was still hungry... no answer... so I turn on his night light, and close the bedroom door. As I'm standing there, he starts in with the inevitable waterworks and "daddyyyyyy" thing he does when he cries because he thinks he's in trouble.... so I open the door, and tell him to knock off the drama, nobody's interested in hearing him whining... he stops... I go back downstairs.

At this point I'm expecting him to get up and go whine to his dad, because that's what he does when I discipline him (not that I really did, here...) but he didn't... so back out to the garage I go. Now it's 7pm, and we're just about ready to eat... DH says he's going to go put ss to bed and goes in before I could say anything...so I say nothing.

He comes back a minute later, and says "Awww my boy is getting so big, he put himself to bed...." super proud, blah blah bleurk... so I still said nothing.

DH thinks ss put himself to bed like a big boy...when really, he put himself in his room because he was insulted at having been busted sneaking food... not even being punished... and fell asleep.

I'm letting dh think it... but boy do I feel guilty. lol

Comments

DPW's picture

I don't get this. Why not tell DH the truth? I seriously am not getting the point, I think.

secret's picture

I don't want to make DH feel bad that he made a big deal about how big his boy is getting by telling him that really, SS went up to his room because he was pissed off at me and just fell asleep.

queensway's picture

Secret I think you did the right thing. There is a time to keep your mouth shut and a time to speak up. Let it go.

I love dogs's picture

You feel guilty for not telling DH that his kid lied to you? I would've said something right then and there.

secret's picture

If we didn't have the guests over, I would have said something right away... I wasn't about to interrupt a conversation for that, I was going to wait a few minutes and told dh as we were getting the food out to the table etc, quietly and privately.

Unfortunately, DH slipped away to go put ss to bed before I could say anything to DH... so DH already believed his kid went to bed on his own like a big boy before I had a chance to tell him. And, since it had only been a few minutes, it didn't even cross my mind that SS would already be asleep - I thought maybe DH would go up, see ss being all sucky, ask what happened, and then deal with it... but nope, ss was sleeping and dh was proud.

I didn't have the heart to crush him after that.

I love dogs's picture

Ahh, makes sense. Maybe I'm a tattle tale but I sometimes have to bring DH back to reality and let him know that SD isn't the angel he thinks she is. I know, I'm an evil SM.

classyNJ's picture

Don't beat yourself up over it. It was only once and I'm sure he won't be putting himself to bed anytime soon LOL

I wouldn't have said anything either especially when he is bragging on his kids to his friends. I would have felt more guilty by telling him the truth in front of them.

secret's picture

Yeah, that's what I wanted to avoid... if I had had the chance to quietly/privately slip the info to DH BEFORE he went inside, I would have.

mommadukes2015's picture

RAH I hate when that happens!

I'd say let it slide this time but the next time you catch that little bugger in a lie, you make sure he knows that he got away with it once, it will never happen again. Plus, he kind of went to bed early.

secret's picture

He didn't get away with it... lol

When he's busted in a lie, the typical punishment is a short time out... he also generally goes and puts HIMSELF in time out - which is to sit on his bed for a few minutes, until whoever busted him goes to talk to him.

Since he went up on his own, and he knew I busted him, he also knew that I'd be going back in a few minutes to get him... in the end, DH went up first, before I could tell him what happened, and SS was already asleep.

I'd already talked to SS about the lie, he didn't get away with it - his dad just wasn't made aware of it.

Between both of us, ss definitely listens more to me than dh - because ss hasn't figured out my buttons... he knows that when I threaten a consequence, I follow through, whereas DH is still maybe only about 75-80% follow through - huge improvement from before.

mommadukes2015's picture

I should clarify-

In my house Dad not finding out = getting away with it. I dole out punishments like a black jack dealer in this house, and SS generally listens to me, but for some reason, with both my kids, Dad finding out is like end. of. the. world. (AND HE DOESN"T EVEN DO ANYTHING WHEN HE DOES???? riddle me that)

You are right, your SS didn't "get away with it" in the typical sense, Dad just doesn't know. I'd let the latter part slide this time and I'd totally narc on him to his dad next time.

secret's picture

lol - the old school Wait until your dad gets home....

In our house, it's you're lucky it's not secret that busted you.... Dirol

oneoffour's picture

Then the boy was really tired and put himself to bed. End of Story. Either way he put himself in his room and fell asleep. You didn't drug him or knock him unconscious. He put himself to sleep. The detailed reason is immaterial. Well, that is how I would play it out.

Acratopotes's picture

secret 1 : SS 0....

don't feel bad, SS disrespected you, you dealt with it and SO does not have to know. This is between you and SS, let SO believe he's son is growing up and put himself to bed, who cares, let him be proud, next night when SS refuses to go to bed, or begs daddy to tuck him in, Daddy will say, but son you put yourself to bed the other night and I was so proud why can't you do this again... SS will not tell his father the truth lol...

This is how you deal with situations and if SS splits with Dad and say you where nasty, you simply tell the truth, you caught him sneaking food, you asked him why, if he's still hungry etc... he ran to his room and crawled into bed, you did not send him there, yes you are a bit disappointed about the disrespect from SS ignoring you, but you decided to let it go seeing you hosted a party..