You are here

getting rid of a bunch of stuff.... including ss's baby stuff...

secret's picture

I've been on a purge roll for a while - now we have a van full of stuff to take to a donation centre.

There's stuff from my kids, old stuff of mine, and a lot of ss's baby stuff... like one of those things you put on the ground with hanging tys and lights and music, that you put a baby under... a diaper genie... baby toys like those things you have different shapes, you whack with a hammer then flip over and whack them again... stuffed animals, old clothes etc...

dh was keeping it all, no real reason why, he just hadn't gotten rid of it. When he moved in, he made BM take back all the stuff he was storing for her, because I told him that while it was all fine and dandy for him to do that for her, her crap wasn't going to be stored in our house. There was an extra couch, a dining room table she had no room for, and a bunch of toys and boxes of "stuff". He brought the rest of his things over, and we made room for it all.

He went through all of SS's stuff, and pulled out certain things he felt was sentimental. He kept a few items of clothing, an old bottle... whatever, dear. All good. SS went from a packed closet full of old junk to a toybox of toys.

Anyway - we're supposed to be dropping all that stuff off this week...weekend... and DH asked me whether he should give BM a head's up in case she wants to keep any of it.

I haven't answered yet... my gut is no - just because of the way she is - but at the same time, I've given my ex a heads up in the past when I've dumped a bunch of old kid stuff, just in case.



thinkthrice's picture

why would you give BM a heads up? Maybe just DH's way of keeping the shrine when BM says to keep all of that stuff?

secret's picture

Not sure what you mean by keeping the shrine... BM didn't say anything to DH about making him keep SS's stuff, it's all stuff DH got on hiw own after he ditched BM, because she kept all SS's stuff from when they were together.

thinkthrice's picture

if he asks BM for her approval to get rid of the stuff then he doesn't have to be the bad guy if she says "no, keep the stuff." KWIM?

p.s. some guilty Daddy's hold on to their kids stuff that they don't use anymore as a sort of "shrine." I.e. skids photos in the master bedroom, Keeping Johnny or Susie's room the way it was when they were little kids even though they're grown and PASed out. Refusing to makes skids bedroom an office or a craft room well after they have stopped visitation. That is what we call a shrine here on STalk.

ESMOD's picture

Unless she is still of "child bearing age" and would need these things again.. or has a friend or family expecting and wants to donate them to that person.. I really don't think it matters if your DH gives old toys/equipment to charity or dump.

secret's picture

She's 28.

Her older sister, who has a daughter just a few months older than SS, is in her early 30s.

Though I can't foresee BM snagging a man anytime soon. lol

We wouldn't know if she knows anyone expecting - DH has told bm in the past that he wasn't interested in hearing about her friends and family, and hadn't really spoken to her other than necessary basics for SS since early spring - and then maybe 3 sentences since the summer.

queensway's picture

Your BM is a different breed. Stay away from conflict with this one. If she wanted that stuff she would have already told you. Take everything to the donation center. You will be helping people who are in real need. It is a nice thing to do.

secret's picture

I don't even know that she knows dh has all this stuff... she might - where he used to live, she made herself quite at home whenever she'd pick up drop off ss... barge into the house, walk around etc... so I'm sure she's seen it all... but it's not hers, never was... it's ss's.

My vote is donation, hands down.

queensway's picture

Every time you make these blogs about painting and cleaning I feel like I need to declutter my home.LOL Smile Smile Smile

secret's picture

hahaha I declutter all the time.

I really don't know how all this crap ends up in my home... I don't go shopping...nobody does... yet somehow, the stuff accumulates and takes over.

secret's picture

lol - yeah... I got caught with that once, I was pissed.

When I left ex-dh, I left him everything - including boxes of my old childhood toys... I told him that I would rebuild, he should keep the kids things as is because it might be easier on them... and that when he's ready to get rid of stuff or the kids outgrow it, I'd take it off his hands. I made it clear that I was leaving my old stuff with him for the kids... but that I wanted it all back if he didn't want it anymore.

That being said, I'd specifically left behind a full set of my little pony from when I was a child... the ranch, ice cream truck, everything...... same with barbies - and when the girls started outgrowing those things, I told ex that when he was ready to get rid off all that stuff, to let me know, I'll come by and pick it up....

he'd already gotten rid of it, months before... some of it was worth money. He never even thought to let me know. Same with old Disney movies.

I was mad for weeks.

But this stuff isn't her childhood stuff... and it wasn't "theirs"... so I don't feel it necessary for her to be aware dh is getting rid of it.

Glad we talked this out. lol

secret's picture

lol.... you laugh.... the ice cream truck is going for 120$...

also about two dozen carebears, about a dozen cabbage patch kids.... some of the vintage kenner care bears are going upwards of 100$...each....

my rainbow brite dolls... they were all hung in the girls' rooms on the walls. He got rid of ALL OF THEM. Some of those suckers are going for 60 - 100 $ on ebay.

Just the ponies themselves... some are going for 20-30$ each these days... heck some are even up to 75$...I had tons of clothes for them too... just a hat and saddle is going for 10-15$ on ebay... lol

He only tossed all of this about 4 years ago...literally thousands of dollars worth... that was meant to be for the kids... so it's still relatively fresh. He KNEW some of it was collectible stuff, worth money, and the proceeds were going to go into the kids' college funds.

strugglingSM's picture

I had the My Little Pony ranch! I loved it! My mother got rid of it long ago. She has no sentimentality for objects at all and conducts regular purges of the house.

She kept my first Cabbage Patch Kid and my first Care Bear, but the rest were given away.

secret's picture

I was keeping them to sell, really. I have a hard time being sentimental about stuff... military brat and all that...

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I am having similar issues. Personal opinion.... if she didn't get it by now... so doesn't matter, she doesn't deserve a heads up, doesn't directly involv the kids, junk it. The ex isn't part of your family, unless it directly involves the kids, not s bunch of stuff out have stored, she I want get a heads-up.

still learning's picture

I'd completely stay out of it and let DH make the decision conc ss's baby items. Tell DH that it's his call, I mean if anything got out about evil SM tossing out all of ss's baby stuff it could come back to bite you.

Acratopotes's picture

Did not read all the comments, but DH can call BM and say - we have XXXX off SS, we are donating it cause we do not have space for it.
If BM wants it drop it off at her place and it's done, what ever she does with it her problem.

Same with her furniture, BM we do not have space for it, please arrange storage, if you don't we will sell it, you have 30days.

End of it.... I will not pay storage for BM, no way in hell,,

secret's picture

He decided he wasn't going to bother, the stuff never had anything to do with her anyway.

we don't have anything of BM's here - he knew straight out when he was moving in to my home that her sh!t wasn't welcome, he had to deal with it before he moved in.

Acratopotes's picture

ah weel then why is this even a question or an issue, if it has nothing to do with her, simply get rid of the shit...

DH can grow up and take it lol....

Livingoutloud's picture

Not sure why he needs to ask BM if she wants to have stuff that he bought years ago and not during their time together, I and ex co parented very amicably and we'd never think asking each other if we can get rid of stuff we bought. And your DH isn't even on friendly terms with BM. Glad he decided against asking her. It would be just weird and probably cause another drama