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facebook drama I had nothing to do with.....

secret's picture

DH's sister (the one that visited - let's say Sis1) and I have been chatting a lot lately, almost every day... sometimes through text, phone, but generally through facebook messenger... just because sometimes we share pictures and include dh's other siblings in the chat, or whatever...

anyway, I sent a few pictures in a group chat last week... and another of DH's sisters (Sis2 - who I haven't met but have talked to) made a post on her own profile page, including a pic of SS that I'd sent, and mentioned me by name in her post:

"Thank you so much for the pictures Secret, such a beautiful family! SS is getting so big... looks just like his dad in this one!" along with a bunch of kissy faces, hearts, whatever.

I replied: You're so very welcome! Smile

That's it. That's the extend of my involvement. My profile page is not set to public - only friends can see what I post (I rarely post) and there are some things friends of friends can see... I guess... when it's on their page... I don't really know how to use or not use that... but in anycase, BM is facebook friends with both Sis1 and Sis2, as well as a few of DH's other family members and old friends, so presumably she could see Sis2's post, or the sharing of picture, or something...because she commented on it.

(ETA - BM and I had 13 "friends in common" when I had first looked BM up....we now have 2. LOL )

Here's the breakdown. I didn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.

Sis2: Thank you so much for the pictures Secret, such a beautiful family! SS is getting so big... looks just like his dad in this one!

me: You're so very welcome!

random other people : cute! Like! etc...

BM: Thats a good pic of MY SON, I will use it on MY page. I have pictures of me and SS too if uwant famly pics my beutiful sis

random other people : more cute, like, etc....nobody touches BM's post... about 25 in all

Sis1 replies to BM's comment: that's ok BM, (DH)'s wife sent us family pictures.

BM: but u dont have some of me and ss

Sis1: no, but we have plenty of ss, so it's ok.

BM: I will send u some

Sis1: Really BM, that's ok, we have enough

BM: I dont mind

dh's cousin: BM I think Sis1 is trying to be polite, she doesn't want pictures of you.

BM: y u say that? we r famly

dh's cousin: because she's already told you 3 times... you're not family, you stopped being FAMILY the minute (DH) dumped you, I'm not sure why you're still trying to act like you belong

BM: SS is MY son that makes me famly!!

dh's cousin: I don't consider you family

random relative: me either

BM: fine then u have no pics of MY SON and he is not ur famly no more

Sis1: BM it doesn't work like that. I kept you on facebook because (DH) doesn't have an account and it was a way to keep in contact about ss, but really the way you're behaving is disgusting, and now that (DH) has a wonderful wife who is taking care of YOUR son, I'll be getting my ss updates from her from now on. I'm also unfriending you, because there is no longer any reason to keep in contact with you.

bunch of likes on sis1's response

dh's cousin: me too
random relative: me 3

BM: wtf??!?!?

dh's brother: BM, just stop.


It's not funny, but it's funny.


moving_on_again's picture

It's funny. At least the family stood up for you!

SS changed his profile pic and BM's niece said, "Wow, you look just like your dad." I was waiting for BM to blow up on that but I can't see her because I blocked her. Smile

classyNJ's picture

HaHa. Reminds me of when I took and posted a picture of SS15 then 10 when they won a baseball tournament. Someone who was friends with me and BM both sent the picture to BM. BM posted to her own page but she pointed out her kid was in the rear row. It was the WRONG KID! :jawdrop: He was smack dab in the middle holding the trophy.

There were a lot of posts busting her balls but our mutual friend actually put - WOW really BM? His step got it right. She took the picture down.

mommadukes2015's picture

Holy crap. Forget the cold shoulder that family will hit you with the whole ice block.


Side note:I went to school with one of SO's ex girlfriends. She was a few years ahead of me in school and she messaged me one day because somehow she saw pics of me and SO through mutual friends pages.she messaged me (before that she and I never spoke) and asked how SO was doing. We chatted for a bit, she friended me and 2 days later she tags me in a pucker article about how nice it is to be friends with your ex's ex. In the post she tagged BM1 and SO's ex who completely left his life in shambles.

I'm a pretty blunt person and I didn't respond. My friends teased me relentlessly.

Kirby's picture

Lmao. Crazy stupid parents provide entertainment sometimes. I guess that's one of their few pro's.

Tiger7's picture

That is a great share. I'm laughing so hard here. My SO's ex wife thinks she's still part of his family too. His sisters and 2 female cousins tell me they can't stand her and only put up with her because of his girls. His ex has also tried to befriend me. But she's a narcissistic sociopath and I want nothing to do with her. I steer clear!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It's funny, but at the same time a target has been painted on your back, secret. McCrazy BM just got handed het butt on fb, and she is going to be furious. She seems harmless enough, but I hope your SS doesn't get caught in any backlash.

Livingoutloud's picture

"He is not ur family no more" is right there with walkonby's "I a$$hole u think ur condo is so great"'lol

Crazy people

JustAgirl42's picture

I can't help it, I'm a softie. Hopefully she has some family of her own for support since it seems as if she could use it.

queensway's picture

So you are a softie. That is so nice. But this BM needs to move on. She is not dealing with reality and seems to be hanging on to a past. It is only going to cause her pain and more anger if she tries to involve herself where she doesn't belong. Secrets family handled it the best way they could.

JustAgirl42's picture

"So you are a softie. That is so nice." Thanks, even though the sarcasm is clear.

BM may need to move on, but she's not the only one holding on to the past.

Secret's family could've just ignored instead of posting.

I never said the BM isn't doing anything wrong though...

queensway's picture

Sorry if it came across as sarcasm. I truly meant that having a soft heart is nice but sometimes it just doesn't work. Sorry again if I came across as being rude Smile

secret's picture

Lol... it's DH's family... but I guess mine, sure.

BM has her entire family here.... they just tend to ignore her too.

I felt a bit bad for her, because was a public bash and I really believe it hurt her... but come on. Does she consider every one of her ex's family hers? Lol

JustAgirl42's picture

And I believe that's why I have a tinge of empathy for her...she may not be 'all there'.

Yeah, good or bad, Dh's family is now your family. At least that is how I've been told it works after marriage.

still learning's picture

I don't have a FB account anymore but do miss the entertaining drama threads like this one on Facebook. Once I was sent a screen shot of a group chat that DH's ex gf started about me. Dumb jealous people just can't help but reveal themselves on social media.

Livingoutloud's picture

Sounds like BM and other participants (not secret but all those other posters on FB) are a bit rough around the edges. Not particularly sophisticated crowd, that's just how some people talk to each other I guess.

It's beyond weird why BM posts all those things if she doesn't even know any of those people. It's equally weird they reply. I think it would be ok to just unfriend or block her. No need to engage. Otherwise they kind of come across just like her. BM sounds unstable though. I'd stay far away from her

strugglingSM's picture

I agree. As much as I wanted to laugh at a BM being told off by her ex's family, it did make me gasp a little that they all did this out in the open. There's something to be said for being more discrete about that. Also, I wondered why these people were all still FB friends with BM if they felt that she was not part of their family.

secret's picture

They were fb friends in the first place because dh doesn't have an account...and as far as I know, they did so to stay in touch about ss... for pictures etc... and they really had no reason not to other than the idea they were no longer connected through dh... so I get it.

But...they also weren't really aware of BM's shenanigans over the years. During our wedding weekend, dh did speak a little to his sister about bm and the crap she's pulled... the sister was pretty taken aback by what he told her... and it wasn't even the worst parts that were shared.

My understanding is that though they chatted here and there before... they hadn't since our wedding... and either way, their relationship is none of my business - I think this more had to do with the way bm treated their brother/cousin and it was an opportunity to tell her off, which had they been aware of the BS before, might have been done ages ago.

For sure some are rough around the edges... but they're Newfies.. and pretty typical ones at that. Tact is not their strong suit. Lol

twoviewpoints's picture

IIRC, and excuse if memory is confusing you with a different poster, but weren't one of DH's family (sister?) been friends with BM on social media for quite some time? The person was coming to the visit from a different country and planning on spending time with BM? The person rattled on about how BM was her family (though, IIRC, had never met in person).

If I am remembering somewhat accurate, I can see why this incident on FB took BM by surprise and rather confused and upset her. The person had been using BM as the contact person for all things SS.

Now, I would 'get' all this would no longer be necessary as they is a new wife in the picture. Men aren't real always good about chattering and being informative. Women are better about yakking on about what kid is doing in pre-school, how he's growing and giving 'cute' little stories about kid did this or that. I would imagine you (new wife and friendly person) now fill that wanted role in the extended family's long distance relatives.

You becoming that 'news' person and family member that enjoys sharing all that 'how is are cousin/brother/nephew' stuff is fine and appropriate. It's natural. Want them all or not, they see you as the new member of their family and they are (in their own way) welcoming you in and closing ranks as to one of their own now.

They could have just blocked BM and not carried on with her. It would have been the easiest and most direct way. BM could have licked her hurt feelings and wounds in private and hopefully moved on. They could have simply said 'thanks, BM, we'll keep your nice offer in mind' and then let it drop, perhaps later unfriending her.

*shrugs* you didn't do it, you're not responsible for Dh's relatives nor Bm. It's unfortunate anyone got kicked around on social media (my personal opinion is Fb is the devil itself, LOL), but you also can't save BM from herself. It's probably time everyone review their friend list, block and unfriend people no longer desired and ramp up security as to what others can and can't see.

secret's picture

That's right. She (and others) also wasn't aware of the things bm was doing.

I agree, I see nothing wrong with the first few replies...they were fairly civil/polite.. things went downhill fast when the cousin jumped in.

IDontCare3117's picture

Mmm hmm. Why don't you leave BM alone, period, and you won't have this problem. If it's believable in the first place.

DaniAM73's picture

BM seems to be a tad insecure. Glad the family took up for you.

Dovina's picture

Secret great way to stay classy, you stepped out of the conversation. Yes they were a little harsh to BM, but who knows what shenanigans went on with your DH's family and BMs relationship. I recall you posting that you were worried BM might ruin your wedding because she is very high conflict. That in itself might tell us BM may have pulled some real doozies in the past. Maybe that's why some people were rude to her on FB. Either way you were not involved with this, so way to go!

moeilijk's picture

Wow. A lot of unkind people doing their thing on FB. Some people only turn on their 'friendship' if they get something out of it and won't hesitate to destroy you if they don't need you anymore. Now you know the kind of people they are.

Livingoutloud's picture

I see what you are saying. They needed BM to get pics of their nephew. Now when they have other channels to get pics they thinks it is ok to be rude to her. I'd watch my back with them. Oh well my DH has trashy relatives too, most of them actually. He managed to be nothing like them luckily.

secret's picture

I think they'd have cut her out a long time ago had they been aware of the way she was... and I think they might even have kept her on there had she not been such an idiot... who knows.

moeilijk's picture

It's always so sad. I think everyone has trusted the wrong person at least once. But there are often signs that we ignore, only to realize later that we aren't special after all - people who treat one person badly can treat anyone badly.

Isn't that standard dating advice nowadays? You can judge someone's character by how they treat the waiter.

Maxwell09's picture

I’m often siblings of our DHs stick with the Bm. Rarely do they ever publically accept the stepmom PLUS stand up to the BM. Too many try to wade the waters. This is the kind of family I would love to be a part of—they don’t play nice with people they don’t like to save face and I can appreciate that straightforwardness.

Cutter's picture

Till they find a reason to turn on secret like they did bm. These people aren't her friends/family, they are her for now people, people like like her for now, till they have the slighest reason to jump on the bandwagon and group hate her like they did with bm. Secret is just to happy to see what they did to bm to realize it.

Acratopotes's picture

secret - and that's the reason you should change your profile to

Who can see my stuff: Only friends...... not friends of friends as well cause that's public,

then when you tagg your DH's family, only they can see it... no one else..

secret's picture

That's what mine is. She posted it on her own page, not mine...

I had sent the pictures through the chat, I didn't post them publicly. I never do.

Acratopotes's picture

oh dang... chat is sort of public lol.... rather keep it on FB on your wall.... and block your pictures so it can't be shared as well..

not without your permission any way.