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O/T Getting married next weekend and freaking out!

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 10:33am

I don’t post often even though there are numerous things that have come up in the last couple of months (SDstb13 refusing to visit, FDH having screaming matches with BM etc.), but since FDH has not been falling into the “Guilty Daddy” or “BM Puppet” role, I am leaving it up to him to deal with his issues.

This issue affects me directly, and it is my upcoming wedding – next Saturday, the 16th.

I have been married before, but that was a looooong time ago – 28 years ago. I can’t really remember the pre wedding jitters, so I’m not sure if what I’m having are doubts or jitters.

The last few weeks have been really stressful, with the wedding planning and the fact that my daughter (23) moved back in with us for a few months. Now with her came her cat and her dog (a rambunctious puppy). The house is filthy (in my opinion) from the animals. My daughter is not the cleanest person in the world, but I know she’s only here for a short time, so I don’t get on her case all the time. She does help us somewhat around the house.

Anyway, to get back to where I started……I’m finding that our relationship (mine and FDH’s) has taken a bit of a back slide in the last little while. I find him quiet, kind of cold, and quite argumentative lately. This puts me in a bad mood, and now I’m wondering if this is what he’s going to be like after we get married. I find I’m biting my tongue a lot lately, and it’s starting to hurt…..lol.

So now I’m not sure if he’s cranky because my daughter’s there, he’s stressed out about getting married, the skid situation or if that’s just the way he is. We have been together 3 years now, and I’m wondering if the “real” FDH is just coming out. Or, am I just having those pre-wedding jitters?

Comments

Anywho78's picture

Submitted by Anywho78 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 10:53am

Have you tried talking to your FDH about his moodiness? If the house & things with your daughter are bugging you, it may be bothering him too.

I'm sure that with your upcoming nuptuals (CONGRATS BTW!), the added stress of everything else may very easily be to blame for the way both of you are feeling...a puppy, cat & adult BD or SD are all pretty high on possible stresses...even if your BD is great.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 11:17am

but I know she’s only here for a short time, so I don’t get on her case all the time.
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I hate to point it out, but maybe this is why. I am not trying to get on your case, but have you ever griped at him for his lack of balls with his kids and he said he is that way because he does not get to see them all the time. May be the reason for his moods. Just a thought.

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 11:52am

Actually Willow, you may be right.

Actually, I don't gripe at him for his lack of balls. I don't need to. He is not a guilty daddy and does expect certain behaviour from the skids when they are with us. He's probably disappointed that I don't do the same.

He probably is seeing the house getting dirtier and smellier (from the dog mostly), and sees my daughter not really doing enough to remedy the situation. I know he would get pissed at me if I were to clean up after the dog when it is clearly her job.

I think I need to have a discussion with BD23 and soon. I'm sounding like a guilty mom here, but I've always found it difficult to have these conversations as she really doesn't take them well. She really doesn't seem to notice the mess and the smell, so it will be a difficult conversation.

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 12:10pm

Thanks for all the advice ladies. I think you are correct.

I've been blaming FDH, and now I understand why he is acting that way.

You guys are great! Been on here about a year, don't post much but read a lot of blogs. Even without knowing it, STalkers have helped me out a lot.