Hiya
I'm sorry I dont have any great advice for you but I can offer empathy for your situation as I could of written this myself 4 years ago.
My partner has a son now 13 who is the apple of his eye (we also had his daughter living with us) but it was the boy who called (calls) all the shots. He would decide what was for dinner each night and pretty much made all the decisions, it worried me too, so No I dont think you are petty or immature.
In my situation he has just got worse as he has got older and he expects to make or at least be consulted on everything, I brought myself a car 2 years ago that he would not ride in as he didnt choose it, it was a black audi sports car that all the other kids loved but not him. I sold it as it just became a major problem whenever we went anywhere.
He is in counselling and openly tells everyone he wants it to be just him and his dad, that I have ruined everything and he wants me gone, this is because his dad has finally realised that giving him so much power was not a good thing. No-one can tell him what to do, apart from his dad, he wont listen to teachers, police, counsellors, in his mind he is the boss. I hope its not so bad at your place.
I focus on having a great relationship with DH and avoid correcting SS or asking for him to do anything, I can not 'babysit' as he will not respond to any request from me.
I am riding it out for another 5 years and then he can go out in the world.

Definitely not petty or immature!!!
Geez, I'm getting this from a 2-year-old ... I was hoping it was going to get better but damnit, reading, I think it just won't ...

I don't have any advice or anything, and I do apologize. I really hope that things work out right.

I have a suggestion though - maybe sit down and talk to your BF about it and how you're feeling and ask him how he's feeling and ask what you both can do to make you both more comfortable and happy in the whole situation.
I have tried this NUMEROUS of times with my "partner", doesn't seem to have sunk in completely, but its worth a shot ...

Good luck!!

SDJennyG, I do not think you're being selfish or immature (you're entitled to your feelings). It's obvious you care for your BF or these SS8 issues would not bother you as much. It seems (based on your description of events) that your BF's son is in transition phase. It appears that BF separated from his son's mom recently (not to long ago) or that his relationship with you is a [new] relationship & the child is feeling threatened by your presence (either way). Keep in mind that SS8 is simply a child & he's innocent. As for your BF, that's his son & his love for his son will never die & if he's any kind of loving father he will definitely concern himself with his son's feelings & his welfare. He's not going to want to see his son hurt or feel threatened by any other person he has in his life. Here's something for you to consider, I'm married; my hubby & I have 2 little ones . . . our 3-year-old is the oldest and he has a very special relationship with his father. Every time we go out to eat & my hubby is there, my son refuses to sit in his seat (instead he prefers to sit on my hubby's lap. He's always been like that. If I take my son out to eat without hubby's presence, my son will sit in his seat (and across from me as if we're on a date, lol). It doesn't bother me in the least bit (perhaps b/c he's 'our' son). During my single years, I dated a man who had children & his 5-year-old son behaved similar to what you're experiencing . . . however, I didn't get offended I actually thought it was cute that his son didn't want to share his dad with me, lol. I use to poke fun at the child (in his dad's presence). The child would get so upset sometimes he would cry & I'd have to kiss him up & apologize telling him I was only teasing. What I would do, the child would basically push me aside saying that his dad is [his] dad & not my dad . . . so I would basically annoy him by disagreeing with him saying that his dad was [my] dad . . . his dad was good in handling his children though. Once the child was secure about who I was he stopped acting out as such. My husband, when we started dated, he has 2 skids from 2-ex'GFs & honey that brought a whole lot of baby-mama-drama from 2-different jealous females. At any rate, my now hubby had a rough time the same as your BF in handling his children from his ex's . . . he always wanted he children to know that they were number 1 in his life and he didn't want them thinking that a GF would ever take their places . . . well that brought a whole lot of problems with his teenage daughter (hating my guts when he took my hand in marriage). She actually believed that by her dad marrying me that I took him away from her. You have to ask yourself is this something your prepared to take on (a relationship with a man that has a child(ren) from a previous relationsip). It is not easy, hence, there's StepTalk.org. As you read the blogs, I'm sure you can see all the various issues that can evolve. My hubby & I, went to hell & back with a ton of drama & to this day (his DS11's BM still cuts the fool; it's unyielding). I've known my hubby going on 9-years & we've been married a little over 6-years now & by God's loving grace our love & bond is even stronger despite all the hell we've gone through (due to baby-mama-drama & the nonsense of his teenage daughter). Nowadays, I've gotten better at not allowing the ex's to push my buttons & as for his daughter, we're much much better (cordial). I took control of my marriage & focused on the love I have for hubby & I vowed to never argue with my hubby about his ex's whom are totally insignificant to him. My advice to you, is to not focus on his son's insecurities . . . instead try to help him feel less threatened by you & everything will fall into place. But just know that if you decide to remain in this relationship with this man, you will have to contend with issues surrounding his child (including his ex) . . . & how much are you willing to handle?? Good luck my friend.

My apologies for any typos, I didn't proofread.

I don't have any stories or anything like that. Just a few suggestions:
1. If you're adament that the rules be enforced, enforce them. My DH forgets to stop at 3. So as soon as I've heard the 4th time, I'll jump in with "Well, since you're not listening to your dad, you'll have to do____" or "you'll lose_____". DH thinks I'm disrespecting him at first every time, but I remind him that was the rules we agreed to and it's important to be considstant with kids. He almost always relaxes after that.
2. All kids want to sit by their dad/mom depending on who they're closer to. Maybe if you want to be included, try to sit in a way that makes it so that your bf has to sit between you. Say "Look! He can sit by both of us. Isn't that great!?" The cosleeping and couch cuddling isn't good when you're there. your man should be focused more on you than his son in those times. The kid needs to know that there are boundaries. Talk to your bf about what your expectations are and why it's bothering you. those are wife/gf things, not son things.
3. Every once in a while letting the kids have a say is good. If it happens all the time, the kids lose respect for you. My ssons have learned in the last 4 years that we will not pick something horrible, but even if we do, we are the parents and if we chose it, they have to go. I think your thoughts on it sound totally normal. Have a chat with BF about how you think it should go. Ask him "do you really want to watch Dora or go to play on the jungle gym all day?" Bring up that kids can enjoy adult things too that are appropriate. They just don't know it until you take them there. My boys thought they'd hate scrapbooking, but SS10 really enjoys it. Same with one board game I made us all play. SS15 was just about rolling laughing. We all had a good time. We require a family day every week and each week, a different person picks what we do. First week it was DH and we went shopping and ate out. I usually pick board games or movies or biking or something. SS15 picks bow shooting, fishing, and movies. SS10 usually picks garage sales or shopping or going out to a movie. Good luck.

I had gone through this as well. I still occasionally have these feelings and had to let them go. I think its partly because I'm an only child. Not used to sharing.

I did have to talk to SO which I suggest you do with yours. Mine would just become enmeshed with his kids in their little world. It was really aggravating to feel ignored all the time. No affection, no update on plans. He still does this sometimes and I have to constantly be in his ear about it. He has gotten better, but not perfect.

The only thing you can do is say something. He can't just use you as a place holder between his child visits. I've had to use that line often. I hope this helps

We all just moved into a new place after not living together for over a year. (We all lived with my Mom and then when my Brother moved in, he and his daughter moved out. We just got married and got our own place again.) SD hasnt been to our new house yet, Im picking her up after work today. I swear if we go to watch a movie and DH snuggles up with SD on the big couch and leaves me to sit on the loveseat by myself I am going to be pissed. When we previously lived in our own place back when SD was 5 and 6 they would always do this. SD is almost 8 years old now and it bothers me to see them laying down together and her sprawled out all over her Daddy. I wish he would cut the cord and force her to be more independent.

From reading your story, I see that you feel a little hurt. But coming from a single mother with a boyfriend who is probably feeling like you. I have to say that, number one, our children come first. That's how it will always be, that's how it Has to be. From what I read. You guys have tried to compromise, and it doesn't always go your way. Have you considered thinking how your partner feels? It's not easy for us as parents either. Have you considered the child has behavioral issues, and you have to adapt to that? It kind of angers me to even read this. My child is 7 1/2. If my child wants to sit with me at dinner or cuddle with me during a movie, I am going to hold onto that as long as I possibly can. Those moments I will cherish forever. Because one day, he's not gonna wanna do that anymore. If my son want extra love I'm gonna give it to him. How would it make you feel if you were the parent? And somebody was treating your child this way? The kid is only there every other week. I will never choose another person over my child. And if the person that I love can't handle that then they're not the person for me. So I hope that your partner is holding strong on this. That child has no choice, but you do. I don't want my child walking on egg shells around my partner. I hope this opens your eyes.