You are here

Trying to be more happy when SD is here.

Scorpiomum1111's picture

I am sure I am a bad person for saying this, but I honestly can not stand why my husbands daughter comes over. She is 16 and for some reason just sets me off the minute she walks in the door. I know my husband had a child when we started dating (she was 7 at the time). I know there was going to be responsibilities from me from day one and trust me, I made sure that I was a good role model for her as best as I could. I also made sure to help take care of her as much as I could. I helped my husband get full custody of his daughter when she was 10. I could write a novel on the past few years and why I feel the way I feel. I just do not think anyone would want to read it. I have noticed more and more when SD is over here, I get short and do not want her here. I have a six month old and rather spend time with him or do my own thing because every time I ask her to do anything and try to be as nice as I can she give me attitude, looks at me like I am speaking foreign or looks at her dad to see if she really has to do what I had asked. He said he has talked to her about her actions but that its also up to me to not be so short with her.

I try hard not to and try to think about certain things before acting on them. Its just everytime she come over here she is always asking her dad for money when he pays child support and she has a job. I see her always shopping for new things… not as much now but she says she orders things on line all the time. So why do you need help with a computer when we bought you one a while ago. Since she lives with her mum, her dad stated that it would be wise to have a computer at both homes not just one. But BM does not want to pay for one at all. BM hard pays for anything for her daughter now. Even when we had full custody over SD, BM did not have to pay child support only half of sports if they both agreed… which she never did because she never wanted to pay for things. I still have remorse from this past summer when we sent SD to a behavioral camp due to her actions. Running away, and getting into trouble etc. That put us in debt of 25,000 not joking. We finally got the bills caught up and it’s like she knows this now and now will ask for money here and there. I am sorry for the rant and I am sure most probably think I am a shitty person for having hateful thoughts, but all the pain she has caused us its hard. I was never like that toward my Step mum, or step dad… do not get me wrong I had moments where I hated them but my mum raised me to have respect even if I did not like it.

Does anyone have any advise as for me to try and be more happy when she does come over and help my husband see when she does get an attitude and that its not just me? Thank you all for reading.

Comments

CLove's picture

I would have a BIG talk with DH about the money issue.

THEN I would disengage from SD16

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Tired that more then I can count. Hes responds is well I havent really gotten her anything in a while. No just 25,000 in debt. 

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Its hard when you love some one so much. Now we have a little guy and we are just two years from her being 18. She might try down the road if that happens then I might have to run. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

It sounds like the only thing you can do, is keep busy when she is around to limit interaction with her. You have been through a lot with this girl and I cant blame you for being over it at this point.  I haven't experienced even close to what you have and I am completely done and over OSD and her antics and nonsense.  Forget about her, disengage and put your emotional energy into your DH and child.

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Thank you. I normally tried to stay busy while she is with us. It's all I can do to stay sane. 

MumOfCats's picture

Some teenage girls exude a toxic atmosphere wherever they go, sounds like your SD and mine have that in common. I recently disengaged and haven't felt so light and free in in age. Anything and everything she now does is DH's problem, she is not my child therefore not my problem. The Horsebeast BM in our situation has reared a mini-me, there's no way I'm participating in the shitshow. DH and I don't have any Bios, but if we did I'd want to keep them away from the negativity of their waste of space older sibling. I feel your pain. 

Scorpiomum1111's picture

I agree. I hope that I never act like her mum does with my child. And I sware if my son even tires to act like my SD I'll make sure it's the first and last time he ever acts like that. I do hope my husband and I will be on the same page unlike him and his ex.