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Not sure how to handle my sd and my husband

Salmargai's picture

Not sure how to handle my situation between my sd's and their dad(my husband) so let me give you a brief summary of our relationship.
I meet my husband at work, we were both in prior marriages that we were trying to get away from. At the beginning he explained to me that she was in jail and they were separated and I was making the proper moves to leave. Keep in mind that we didn't meet then make moves to leave that was already in motion before hand. So we divorced our spouses and also moved in together. During the beginning and several years after his x and me were at odds and she vowed to destroy his relationship with him and his kids.
I'm so pro kids and their relationship with their parents so although I would have liked to be with them during their very few dates I bowed out cause they hated me. And only wanted to be with their dad which was understandable. I found out that when he would meet his kids at one of his brothers house she would be there. I would be so pissed and would get over it cause the main thing was that he got to be with his kids.
I had explained to him at the beginning that he need to include me in some of their dates so they could get use to me being around. I feel this is why we are having issues to this day.
His kids (3 girl now adults 20,21 and 23) made plains to come out and see family and I told him I'm not bowing out anymore. They came to see family for a week and of course he was excited cause it had been several years since he seen them. He seen them the second day they were out here the next time was to be at his brothers houses so this time I decided I would go. Hisnkids had plained to bring their mom and wanted just him to go. Now keep in mind that this is his brothers house. He told me that if she showed up we would leave. So sure enough she shows up and after he hugged his kids and took pictures I told him I Iwas ready to go.
Now he was mad cause he didn't get to spend time with his kids. Although I didn't really tell him I felt like they were trying to get the two back together and also control their dad like always. I mean really they would keep telling him to just leave me at home they would pick him up and go over to where she was. I will give it to him he wasn't having it so to hurt his feelings they would come by to see him since the second day.
He is all depressed and I feel bad for him cause he feels in the middle but I say there is nothing wrong with seeing his kids but why should I be left out and the mom included. Am I wrong? How should I handle it and how can he build a relationship with his kids if they always want to include their mother?


Hatecopycats's picture


I love you ! You are always so right on and have a good sense of the situation.

Just wanted to tell you that Smile

Salmargai's picture

Thanks so much for your comments,it's nice to know that there are people out there that can understand my situation. While I was sitting there I was so mad I thought my head was going to pop so to not cause a seen I opt to leave. My husband wanted to stay but was mad too that she just showed up at his brothers function. I hate to see my husband so sad about it, but really I am fine with them not liking me i mean I have been through so much with the mom and kids cursing me out, calling my house and calling me b's and what nots. A few times I dropped to her level and found myself acting like something I'm not and I hated that I allowed her to get my goat because my sd's would hear this and only hear me going at it with their mom and not know that she provoked me to begin with. I would play right into her hands til finely i realized it and stopped engaging in her madness. My kids (24 and 17) on the other hand love him and they have a very good relationship. I let my kids know though right off the bat tha there would be no disrespecting. At the time they were 7 and14 and to this day have had no major problems.