You are here

Okay - you can say it.... "I told you so"

Sailor's picture

DH is now happily living with BM2 and SD2. Yep, they are co-habitating as "husband and wife" and playing happy families.

We got back together and it lasted a little over 6 weeks. I unfortunately found out that whilst we were discussing a reconciliation and attending marriage counselling whilst living apart, he was still knobbing BM2. In fact he was knobbing her right up until the day before he moved back. I forgave him.

Three weeks later he got shit faced drunk and spent the night with her. I forgave him.

Another three weeks went by and he sent me a text asking for a divorce. He spent that night with her too.

I was so devastated and so angry, I just could not take any more. So, the following day, I packed up his stuff (all his clothing and toiletries) and dropped three suitcases and 5 boxes of his stuff at BM2's office.

Her boss came down and said that I was not allowed to leave the stuff there, so in my absolute rage, I said, "what you're gonna do? Fire me? Your employee is fucking MY husband, so if she wants him she can have him and all his crap. Best you tell her to get her arse over here and sort this shit out!" And I left.

Apparently the slut did not go back to the office and she sent DH to her office to go and collect his stuff.

Those two are such cowards and deserve each other.

Soooooo...... I'm waiting for the final draft of the divorce summons so DH can be served. Courts close soon so it will only happen next year. Sad

Comments

Monchichi's picture

I didn't say it is easy, I do think it's time though. I joined beginning of this year and watched your emotional roller coaster. It's time to end that awful ride and start afresh. It's the equivalent to mourning.

Sailor's picture

You're right...... I held onto hope for the longest time.... years and years. I just would not give up. The difference now is that there no longer is any hope.... and the real mourning and grieving has set in.

hereiam's picture

What an asshole. I'm glad you are finally rid of him but I'm sorry it ended this way and that you are hurting.

Sailor's picture

I am in terrible pain.... and shock. I can't believe my life turned out this way. I can't believe that my husband is actually living with another woman.

I know I dropped his shit off at BM2's office..... but he still had a choice. He could of gone to a hotel, insisted on coming home, being a man and facing up to what he had done, or gone to BM2..... he chose BM2.

I'll be honest, I dropped his stuff off on a Thursday. I literally begged him to come home that following weekend. He came around to fetch his guitar and I got on my hands and knees and begged for his forgiveness..... begged him to come home.... but he didn't and hasn't attempted to.

Yes I feel ashamed, but the shame does not come close to the hurt and pain.

Disneyfan's picture

You can't make someone love you or want to be with you. He has been showing you for a long time that he's done.

Hanging on to him makes it impossible for you yo heal and move on with your life.

So you've found out that you fell in love with the wrong man. We all have done that. Cry, scream....then dust yourself off, work on you so that you're ready when the right man comes along. Being ready means that when Mr. Right starts showing his ass, you will have the strength to show him the door.

Never lovr a msn more than you l8ve yourself.

Sailor's picture

That's just it...... he swears he loves me :? :? :? ...... Funny way of showing it.

I'm ready to let go..... as hard as it is and as much as it hurts I cannot have someone like this in my life anymore. At least I can say that I tried absolutely everything to save this marriage, I kept my vows in tact, and now I can leave with my head held high.

Disneyfan's picture

If I remember correctly, you will be able to clean his clock when you divorce. His claims to love you are coming from his pocket, not his heart.

zerostepdrama's picture

He's just saying that to keep you on the back burner in case it doesn't work out with BM2. He knows you will take him back. Even after all of that crap he has done.

If he loved you, really loved you, he would be with you. BM2 never would have even been able to come in between you two.

Sailor's picture

*Sigh* I can't..... I wish I could but I am hoping that with every tear I cry, I have one tear less left for him.

Sailor's picture

Thank you. I know you are right. My head understands but my heart can't seem to keep up.

Disneyfan's picture

Please tell me I'm not the onlynone who laughed and cheered while reading about THE DROP OFF?????LOLOL

Sailor's picture

No you're not.... my therapist had a good chuckle too but she warned me that once the adreneline settled down I would crash. And BAM!!!! I've crashed..... harder than ever before.

Sailor's picture

Oh StepAside.... it's been somewhere around 7 or 8 years you and I have "known" each other. You have on so many occassions given me really good advice and I thank you for that. I'm a bit out of touch with what is going on with everyone, but it sounds like you are also having difficult times. I wish I could be as strong and as comforting to you as you have always been to me. Thank you.

Cooooookies's picture

The dropping off of his stuff was epically epic!!!! You win the internet for today.

Yes the heartbreak sucks but please keep your dignity and don't beg him ever again. Cry, scream, talk to your therapist and then heal and move on from the lying, cheating, filthy scumbug of a dirtball that used to be your sorry excuse for a husband.

You deserve so much better! Big hugs for you.

Sailor's picture

I think I'm still in shock and disbelief and cannot believe or cannot actually see him for what he is. I'm still blaming myself.

Indigo's picture

Hi Sailor. You've been struggling with this for a long time. Since before SD#2 suddenly appeared, you can honestly attest that you have tried everything to help your marriage work.

Sorry that you're hurting. Sad

Indigo's picture

You succeeded in honoring what you valued. You succeeded in not turning tail when things got rough. You succeeded in being true to yourself.

Your soon-to-be ex-husband FAILED.

FrenchPeas's picture

You're taking on his failures as your own. I did this during the collapse of the shit storm of the last year. My counselor told me this was not my failure. I remained faithful and committed to the marriage. HE was the failure. He wasn't there when I was in the hospital. He didn't come to see me when he did come home. He let his ex wife and kids plot to torment me and try to bend me to their will. That didn't work either. He was mean. He lied about me. He lied to me. He talked to other women while married to me. He was a grade a lying asshole. My counselor told me NONE of that was ME. HE did those things.

You have to learn to grasp that. Yes, I wasn't perfect. I messed up at times. But nothing like what he did. He disrespected me one last time and I told him a nice big EFFE YOU! Do not carry his failings as your own. He's a piece of shit. He really is. Just cruel.

Hold your head up. No more begging. You don't need to live the rest of your life with an asshole like him!
HUGS!

DPW's picture

I've known you for a long time now and I think you are a very strong person for having put up with your DH for this many years with the amount of trouble in your marriage that you have seen. Use this strength to avoid your DH at all cost, go through the divorce with you head held up high and start a new life. You deserve peace. Good luck

Sailor's picture

DPW it's so nice to hear from you. When I look back at the "problems" I was experiencing all those years back, they seem miniscule compared to what I have been through in the past 16 months.

Finally SD1 and I managed to build a close loving relationship. Finally BM1 and I are getting along. I've been so happy about reaching this stage with the two of them after so much pain and heartache and now.... well now.... it all just gets taken away from me. One of the few things I wanted in this marriage - to have a loving relationship with SD1 and a cordial relationship with BM1 - I finally get... and with the appearance of BM2, with one fowl swoop, it's taken away.

Life can be so cruel at times. I just have to believe that there is a purpose in all of this, that one day my good deeds, dedication, perseverence and love will pay off.

Willow2010's picture

Oh Sailor, I am so sorry!

Just hang in there. It will get worse before it gets better and hat is normal. In 6 months you will wonder why you did not kick him out years ago, btdt,

Is this the new BM or the one you have always had? I hope you are taking steps to protect yourself in the divorce.

Sailor's picture

It's the new BM.

I'm doing what I can with the divorce. DH's behaviour over the past 7 months will not bode well for him when it comes to settlement time. Especailly in lieu of the fact he is living with another woman.

kathc's picture

This is the best advice, totally.

Get yourself the meanest, most persistent lawyer you can find and destroy him!

Tuff Noogies's picture

well done, sailor!!!

u've been through hell. i have no idea how you were able to take him back and forgive him that many times! i'm so sorry u're hurting and mourning what your marriage SHOULD have been.

he's a world class asshole for repeatedly cheating on you and for breaking your heart. fuck him.

u *will* find your strength. i promise u that.

zerostepdrama's picture

Sorry Sailor. You did not deserve this.

Stay strong and remember you deserve sooooooo much better!

misSTEP's picture

Figures. You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. This guy is a total asshole. I am not sure why you love him so much but you HAVE to love yourself more.

This guy treats you like crap because of something broken inside of him. But something is broken in you as well because you keep taking his crap and then even apologizing for it! It is NOT YOU. I really really wish that of anything that I have ever said to you that you could believe just THAT. IT IS NOT YOU. You are so much better than what he has reduced you to. Please see a therapist or continue to see one. You need to understand and have someone tell you all the time until you finally believe that YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR HIS SHIT. You are a kind, caring, loyal woman. Everything this jackass is NOT.

Please get through your grieving and vow to NEVER let this piece of shit hurt you AGAIN. You deserve a happy life. Your life with this man-child has made you very unhappy for a very many years. Too many. Life is short.

(((Sailor)))

Aniki's picture

^^Yep.

It may not seem like it now, but down the road you will come to realize what a POS this guy is and that you deserve BETTER.

{{{hugs}}}

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

I'm late to this but... Now is the time to rally with your girlfriends. Reconnect with people you have lost contact with and try to get your mind off of it. This man is scum. How can you take someone back that withheld your child from you all those years?? Scum. Please get an std test done too.