Long time lurker in need of support
I have been a member on this site for a long time but I really just lurked for many years and I found many things on here to be helpful to my own situation. Most of the problems with bf’s older son was because my bf did not parent properly. I was young and stupid when I met bf and we instantly moved in together and now have a BS3 and a BD1.
Last week bf left while I was at work and said he was going to visit an old friend from high school. I figured out that it was a lie and he actually went to a different state with an ex gf (not the son’s mom). When I found out I immediately told him we are over. He said fine and he was just going to move in with the ex anyway. My children are heartbroken that there dad isn’t home and that their half-brother didn’t come visit this past weekend. I don’t know if I handled the situation appropriately and I am not sure what I should do next. I have no family and very few friends where I currently live.
I plan on moving back near my family this summer so the children and I have support but that seems so far away. I have a terrible fear that I am going to become like the BM’s on here because of my anger. I am trying to put my feelings aside and do what is best for the kids but at this point I am not sure what is best for them.
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I am glad I put an end to it.
I am glad I put an end to it. He cheated on me a year ago and we went to counseling but things never really got back to where they were before. I do have a college education and a career. That is one of this things that is making me really think about moving back near my family.
yes. Ladyface is so right.
yes. Ladyface is so right. IMMEDIATELY file for child support. and I find www.chumplady.com to be a great resource for when you've been cheated on and getting your life back together! Read, read, read there and joint the community. The motto is Leave A Cheater and Gain a Life
and Ladyface is right on the college front too. I never ever qualified for loans or grants when it was just me but once I had kiddos, I got free grants and scholarships that I didn't have to pay back. Check out community colleges in your area and apply.
I have never seen that site
I have never seen that site before. Thank you for suggesting it.
Emergency child support
Emergency child support order. DNA tests have been done? Seriously, hit this situation firmly, directly and without drama.
That said. This is about your children and their rights and their needs and not your own uncertainty, fear, lost dreams and desire not to offend. The children asking for exBF is totally normal and no more than they would most likely do if your roommate moved out or the dog died. Familiar personalities no longer present. Be fair, encourage visitation and dang certain get emergency child support.
BTW: good for you for beginning to value yourself enough.
I am trying to make sure I
I am trying to make sure I put them first. He insisted on a DNA test with BS3 but did not with BD1. He did sign both of their birth certificates. I know it is normal for them to ask for him. When I was packing their dad's things BS3 started crying. I am trying to make sure that they are ok with the change. It is just hard to tell in such young children.
I'm assuming your Ex will
I'm assuming your Ex will still want to see your kids?? I agree with everyone else, get moving quickly on CS and getting a CO stamped out... he sounds rather flighty and your kids are little and don't need to be let down by unfulfilled, promised visits or scarred by fighting and bickering about nonsense.
I am not sure if he will want
I am not sure if he will want to or not. He told me left to fix his life and he doesn't mean to hurt the kids or anything. I don't really care anymore what his reasons are anymore. I think I am going to file for support and just leave him alone. Talking is painful and pointless because he keeps saying it is not his fault he left but that he just wants to get his life straightened out.
Good luck to you ! I am glad
Good luck to you ! I am glad to hear you have a college education and career . Be strong , fly high , leave this loser behind . Better days are coming .