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DH suddenly acting like he cares about SD14's school

sadlonelyone's picture

He moved her up here last October without my full consent and now she's ready to go back to BM because she didn't want to be here in the first place. BM had been begging for her to be here because she can't handle her and now she's going back. She is about to finish her sophomore year and has been consistently failing since 9th grade and her grades started dropping in 6th grade.

DH said he couldn't parent her from 600 miles away when BM asked him for help, moved SD here on a whim, then tries to put all of the responsibility on me because I'm a SAHM of 2 under 2. He said he'd take SD to and from school everyday if that's what it took but it became my mom's and my responsibility soon enough.

She has the option to go in person Monday- Thursday but asked 3 weeks ago if she could go online at home. I get emails that her assignments are being graded so I know she's turning them in but is still failing. This has been true since October and she's only been attending at home for 3 weeks. I told DH this last week. SD did move up here to attend in person but as soon as she told BM she wanted to go home, she didn't want to physically go to school anymore. It was easier for me because taking her to and from school disrupted the baby's naps a lot of days.

DH came home tonight and tried to blame me for not taking her to school when she asked to be home and is getting the work done. I told him this was happening last week. He still comes home today and says he doesn't believe she's doing work because he came home one day 2 weeks ago and she was napping during lunch when I was out shopping.

There are 2 more weeks of school before she goes back to BM and there is no way she is passing this last semester or will pass sophomore year. I told him if he doesn't care to physically take her to school, I don't either if the work gets turned in. I will not be blamed for his and BM's shitty decision because SD has been failing for years. Plus the weather sucks but that wasn't a reason. 

DH also refused to attend SD's virtual parent teacher conference last week AT THE LAST MINUTE, literally 5 minutes before. He said he knows SD is failing and she's going back so they're not going to tell us anything new. The man who is so concerned if SD is physically in class when I get emails everyday that the work is at least getting turned in. And I told him this. Twice last week. I am so fucking mad I came upstairs with the baby and don't plan to say much to him tonight. 

He said I'd never do that with our kids and I told him sorry, SD isn't our problem anymore and our kids are not even close to the same scenario. He claims he's not blaming her failure on me but it sure feels like it when he already knows SD doesn't want to physically go to school and since he left the parenting up to me and says I'm her parent, I made a decision. 


ndc's picture

I hate when these men think stepmothers are good enough to do all the work but not good enough to make decisions.   Ugh.

sadlonelyone's picture

He also decided to criticize me putting our sensitive, teething 9 month old to bed. She is OBVIOUSLY tired but he insists I'm forcing her to sleep because she fights it... like tired babies do.

tog redux's picture

No, you would NOT do that to your own kids because THEY ARE YOUR KIDS. SD is not your kid, and not your responsibility. Stop doing anything for her or in regard to her.

And next time, hand him the teething 9-month old and let him use his method of dealing with her. He sounds like the parenting equivalent of a back-seat driver.

sadlonelyone's picture

Yes! He pushes my buttons then says I want a fight. He told me I "need to get my head right" and refuses to acknowledge that ditching a parent teacher conference is a pretty big no-no. ESPECIALLY when he is saying SD isn't doing her work at home when I know she is and told him so.

tog redux's picture

Please tell me he didn't leave you to do the parent/teacher conference alone.


sadlonelyone's picture

No I just didn't attend and the teacher emailed me right away and I said something came up.. I was initially going to do it alone because he gets home late but he said he would attend so I, ya know, included SD's bio parent. 

He has the fucking audacity to say I treat SD differently than our kids when I've done nothing but treat her and our 11 year old nephew (SIL's son) like royalty.