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SD enrolled at school in our state but living in home state with BM?

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I posted the other day that BM couldn't get SD back into her old charter school and now instead of sending SD to a public school back home, BM says SD will continue going to the school she's in online until the end of the year. That she is failing and refuses to do the work or acknowledge that lack on trying is indirectly failing. I don't like this at all but DH will probably agree to it.

BM didn't have a plan

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BM called DH today, one week before SD is supposed to move back with her, and said her old school won't accept her right now. One month ago, BM and SD told DH that SD 100% wanted to go home to BM after 6 months with us. DH said this is obviously not his fault but BM was making it out like it was. Nothing ever changes.

DH suddenly acting like he cares about SD14's school

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He moved her up here last October without my full consent and now she's ready to go back to BM because she didn't want to be here in the first place. BM had been begging for her to be here because she can't handle her and now she's going back. She is about to finish her sophomore year and has been consistently failing since 9th grade and her grades started dropping in 6th grade.

I'm the evil SM once again

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I told DH that SD14's decision to move back with BM 600 miles and 2 states away is permanent. We have 2 under 2, both girls, and he's treating me like Satan himself for saying SD can't ever live with us again. He said he'd never tell any of his 3 kids that they aren't welcome home and that I would never send our bios away. 

Why do I always let myself get hurt?

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SD has pretty much said she is definitely moving back with BM and I am hurt. I knew from the second I was told (not asked) that she was moving up here that this would happen. Now BM says she'll make sure SD does well in school even though she used her 40 hour/ week job as an excuse for SD failing before when she BEGGED DH to take her. DH also uses the same work excuse and we have 2 under 2 so it's wrong to make me deal with a possibly mentally ill teenager.

Now it's up to SD

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DH asked BM to call him and now it's SD's decision if she's coming back to us after spring break. Last week BM said SD was lonely here and "needs to be home" and they were planning to do the transfer in less than a month without really confronting SD. BM swore they talked at great lengths and that's what SD wanted. Not exactly the truth. I hate that woman. 

SD now stuck in the middle

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DH talked to SD and she said while she really misses her mom, she wasn't expecting to move back home. BM told DH that SD was lonely here and she "needs to be home." She also told DH that she and SD agreed that she was going to move home next month when spring break starts.

DH told SD that he just wants her to be happy and we understand and will accept whatever she chooses. She called GBM and they talked for awhile so I hope that helped. Even GBM knows how crazy BM can be so it's no surprise that BM is trying to manipulate a unilateral decision. 

Who is lying? SD or BM?

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SD14 has been living with us in a different state for 5 months to go to school in person here. Her spring break starts March 5th and BM told DH that SD is lonely here and "needs to come home." DH and I booked a hotel to meet BM halfway to transport SD's computer and thought SD would be with BM starting next month. 

I mentioned it to SD last night and she just thought she was going to visit BM for 2 weeks, not move back home. She said BM didn't say anything and they "only talk to say hi."

SD has no idea what's happening

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I told her tonight that she's going home to live with BM again after 5 months of being here and DH saying we're switching custody after spring break.. SD had no idea she was going back home to live with BM permanently and neither of her parents bothered to bring it up.

No one communicates shit and I'm the messenger. I told DH and he said it's based on what she told BM because she doesn't tell either of us much of how she's feeling. BM said SD wanted to go back to home state and she was lonely here.

Controlling parents create cautious kids?

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That's what my friend told me. She said kids with controlling parents are unconfident because they are afraid to make decisions that will upset the parent. I didn't have that problem so I get frustrated with SD14.

She says "I dunno, doesn't matter" when asked a simple question like what color of phone case she wants when she's the one who will be using it or if she's hungry or not- she'll be asked if she wants something to eat and she'll say "it doesn't matter." Sometimes I just make a decision and sometimes I don't get her anything at all.