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OSD continues to punish DH....think he is starting to get it now

SacrificialLamb's picture

A few days ago DH contacted OSD about wanting to visit during the gkids spring break, and inquired when it would be. He then cleared the dates with me, and I thought everything was set.

Yesterday he let me know he was going to have to reschedule the visit because OSD has now scheduled her family to go away for a few days, and the remainder of spring break BM will be there.

Really? Your father contacts you about visiting, everything is set, and then you just make other plans?

But yes, she is punishing daddy and showing him that she will reward BM, who is always there, because BM has made OSD and the gskids her whole life. OSD is an expert manipulator, and in her mind, rewards and punishes appropriately.

In the last two years, OSD says she has been in counseling because her father defended me and not her. It took a long time for DH to say something, she thought she had his silent approval for years, and when he finally spoke up and stopped chasing her, she started to punish him in return.

A few months ago OSD took BM to visit with her father's family, took pictures, then posted them on Facebook. When DH asked OSD not to post pictures of BM with HIS family, she got upset and asked why? Then she told him she was still in counseling, and him reprimanding her was not helping her. Oh, boo hoo!

She is in her forties, poor baby.

I feel somewhat sad for DH, but at the same time, he raised her to be the narcissist she is. Soon she will be whining that her father never visits her and the gkids. I have not seen her in a few years and could not be happier about it.

Very happy DH was planning to drive and did not book airfare that he would now have to cancel.

Comments

depressedme's picture

I don’t know what to say except I feel your pain xxx narcassim seems to be a common theme with these adults and the need to be constant Center of attention. My osd won’t come to our home as she doesn’t feel comfortable ( I called her out as she didn’t say thankyou not in a bad way just I’m letting you know your a spoilt brat kind of way). She got the message so won’t come followed up with a letter and one line included how she never thought she’s aee the day she was her daddy’s entire world!! She is also in a bad place and seeing a therapist probly because dad married me. I’m on the verge of divorce as I’m sick of it all and being last.this skids just manipulate people and don’t care how anyone feels except them. Just another stunt in their books of cuntfuckery towards you hun x just shows it’s now about punishing dh because he didn’t back her.

thinkthrice's picture

Skidspeak: "Doesn't feel comfortable"

Translation: "Is angry that you can see through their bullshit"

Acratopotes's picture

DH should note this event and when she cries he's not interested mail her everything...

but glad you do not have to deal with this crap lol

beebeel's picture

I'd tell her that therapy isn't working. It's supposed to help you work on yourself, not find blame in others for your own choices.

SacrificialLamb's picture

LOL if I ever talk to her that certainly would come up! But I likely won't see her unless there is a funeral. She is too high and mighty to come to our house....thank God.

moving_on_again's picture

A therapist told BM that. She was PISSED. She pushed down her SD (I think she was 10 or 11 at the time) and ordered to go to therapy. She took the whole family. Her SD told her BM2 about how BM told the therapist that the only reason they were there was because of SD. SD said the therapist told her she needs to take responsibility for her own actions. Therapy did not work.

hereiam's picture

She needs counseling because her father defended his wife? Oh, brother!

My DH is used to being punished by my SD26, so it does not have the effect that she wishes it would.

still learning's picture

ss32 tries to punish DH with his non presence but just the other night DH commented about how much of a bummer ss32 was to be around, so little does ss32 realize that he's doing all of us a huge favor!

Sad for your DH, but just like mine this is how they raised them.

queensway's picture

So OSD got a better offer. LOL It does suck for your husband but really this is who she is. You can't change it. You could tell him a million times this is who she is and he will not hear it. He has to live it. It has to happen to him and now just maybe he can see it. So this is a good thing. But what will happen after the spring break. She will start all over again and the "As the world turns in Step Daughter Land" saga will go on. For now if I were you I would feel a little bit of vindication. SD is showing Daddy her true colors. It's a win win for you.

SacrificialLamb's picture

This morning he said he felt he was being snubbed, but he was going to reserve judgment until he talked to her this evening. I asked him if he thought she was going to admit it? Blank look on his face.

But I've reminded myself I am disengaged. I try not to feel vindication, but you really can't help it. But for every vindication, there's another slam waiting around the corner. I am trying to train myself to feel nothing, but it is difficult. It's his kid; he loves her despite what a selfish flake she is. I hate seeing him being punished, but she controlled him before he met me via manipulation and rewarding/punishing.

Not my circus....

queensway's picture

Could you imagine if SD called DH and wanted him to come for spring break and then he canceled. Told her your family was coming for a visit and he couldn't make it. OMG There would be a earthquake. You are right let him handle this and stay out of it. Because it is the only way to deal with this OSD. It is hard to see your DH hurt because you care and love him. But you are not the one who is hurting him she is.If you and your DH are retired do something special during spring break.

Aniki's picture

I call BS on that counseling...

Lambie, I hope your DH is beginning to see what SD is.

Aniki's picture

SD21 needs to get her arse into counseling. Then again, the counselor would be WRONG if SD was told anything she (SD) didn't like.

Dovina's picture

Sacrificial, take this as a victory that your DH sees her for who she is. Yes its hard watching our DH's get hurt by their spoiled narcissist adult daughters. But that's a lesson on them that maybe they should have parented them. Besides since you have disengaged you can no longer be the target, you can just watch the missiles from afar, no more running for cover on your part.

bananaseedo's picture

I have to agree with this. SD barely shows anymore -only does if she wants $ or food.....otherwise she completely ignores him. He's the atm only....

I don't feel sorry for him though-he raised her to be this way. He knew better and chose the lazy way out, the easy way out.

Chose not to discipline ever, let her run feral, let her manipulate, lie, disrespect him and me and our home/my kids.

The other day he tried to blame her maybe being with 'so and so friends' that is why she's being flaky. I laughed in his face and said "she's being flaky because she is flaky- if there is no interest here for her, she has no reason to show' She's flaky because SHE chooses to be, quit blaming her crap behavior on everyone else.

Does he hurt now that she's blatant about seeing him only if he has something for her? Sure. Did I hurt when he didn't parent her the way he needed to? YOu bet your as* I did. For years. Did I beg him to parent her? Yes. Did he? No. He chose the easy way out. He deserves all the crap she dishes his way now IMO. I think she's a horrible human being, like her mother, so a lot of her is a result of her genetics and how her mother raised her primarily- BUT he chose 'guilty parenting' over normal parenting-KNOWING he was messing her up and helping her stay like her mom. Now he can live w/it.

Now it's him that suffers - it was me and my sons for 8 plus years.

thinkthrice's picture

"Does he hurt now that she's blatant about seeing him only if he has something for her? Sure. Did I hurt when he didn't parent her the way he needed to? YOu bet your as* I did. For years. Did I beg him to parent her? Yes. Did he? No. He chose the easy way out. He deserves all the crap she dishes his way now IMO. I think she's a horrible human being, like her mother, so a lot of her is a result of her genetics and how her mother raised her primarily- BUT he chose 'guilty parenting' over normal parenting-KNOWING he was messing her up and helping her stay like her mom. Now he can live w/it."

*******STANDING OVATION!!!! **********************

Goodluck's picture

Lamb-
I wish you knew, really knew me, my dh and my ex. We are great people, generous and kind.

We are Grandparents (dh and I still have minors at home too) and there is NO way, and I mean no way we allow the adult kid to play games like this.

NOR do we allow our Grandchild to used as a bargaining chip...ever.

We LOVE LOVE LOVE our Grandchild. And we also love love love our lives too. Too many Grandparents have the "I have to suck it up so I can see my Grandchild"
(EYEBALL ROLLS PLEASE)

OK then, enable the shitty behavior from your adult kids and don't bring it up again.
Trust me LIFE is much better when you know you don't have to deal with drama OR hold your breathe to see the mood of adult kids so YOU can visit with your Grandchild.

It's your dh decision to allow this to go one.

hereiam's picture

Exactly.

My DH loves his daughter, loves his grandkids, and he would be a wonderful grandfather. I say, "would be", because he is not close to them, due to SD's shenanigans. He does not play that and he has accepted the situation for what it is.

SacrificialLamb's picture

"Too many Grandparents have the "I have to suck it up so I can see my Grandchild"

Amen. That's when the $hit really hit the fan dealing with OSD, when the first Royal Grandchild was born. DH had to walk on eggshells to make sure OSD was happy because he knew she would whine/complain/punish. One time when she was not getting her way, she told him to F#ck Off and he was not welcome at her house. She had the gall to tell her father that! And back then, he actually chased her, which I thought was appalling.

So he knows OSD will pull the "you can't see my enchanted spawn" card, because she already has. But he is getting older and wearing down of games and likes his quiet life in retirement. He already has been going to visit her in the Holy Land less and less, and her behavior is going to reduce it even further.

I find my blood pressure going up when these things happen, but it's wonderful to have you guys reminding me this is Not.My.Problem! I have no relationship with her, and likely never will.

depressedme's picture

These odds must go to the same school of manipulation and mind games when it comes to she’s. My dh is doing backflips to see the Royal sgk. Osd will only let him see the kid in shopping malls or restaurants. He is never invited there and when he asks to go they are too busy. I see it as manipulation he sees it it’s my fault she’s not comfortable coming to our house. The sgk is used as a carrot to dangle in front of us but I won’t play the game sh dances to the tune perfectly. I’ve asked him to stand up for himself and say enough but he won’t through fear of being cut off. So he clings on unhappily and all the while I get to be the bad guy not osd. It’s so sad watching grown adult men tiptoe around their feelings while sacrificing their own and their partners.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

She took BM... To see YOUR DH's FAMILY??? I see in no way how this was appropriate... However that's on DH's family. They should have stepped up and told her BM wasn't welcome... The pictures are shallow little digs from SD... And thw whole situation was something DH's family should have avoided out of respect for your DH... ESPECIALLY if they know about all the crap going on...

I am so sorry you're having to watch your DH face all this! My DH has hit this wall of realization and it SUCKS to watch them go through!!!