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“I don’t know sh!t about f@ck.” - Vent.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

That's my new mantra when it comes to SO and his mess (quoting the character Ruth from the show "Ozark.")

Night before last, i was cooking supper at my house and SO shows up at my doorstep with SS17 and SD22. SD22 is troubled and lives about an hour away. Apparently she took a Greyhound and showed up at his doorstep, needing $4k to fix her car and wanting to move back in, and btw can she have SO's bed while she's here. Instead of a call or text "hey, SD22 is here, is there enough food?", or any info at all, he just shows up with her.

We did my family's Thanksgiving yesterday. First since my mom died. I told SO that we needed to leave at 4:45 to get there in time. When i get to his house to pick him up, none of them are ready and he has company. A relative popped over and we didn't end up leaving till 5:30.

SD22 asked if she and SS17 could ride separate in his car so they could fo somewhere after. We get to my dad's, and SD and SS aren't behind us. They got separated along the way. SS17 has been to my parents' about 50 times, but asked for the address to be texted because he doesn't usually drive. We did that. They didn't show up for another 45 minutes (the total drive time between houses is only 20.) Multiple calls from SO and they said they were "lost." With a GPS, the address, and a place SS17 has been every other Sunday for the past 3 years. Whatevs, we ate and it was nice. SO worked last night so he left shortly after dinner. He is sleeping today because of it. 

Today, SO's family is having Thanksgiving at his sister's. When he works nights, he usually goes for dinner then straight to work, like last night. He isn't going, though, because his brother and multiple other family members are still loyal to his BM. They fed her info last year that she used for her ex-parte. The case is still open and unresolved. SS11 has been with BM the past week. SS17, last I heard, would be driving SD22 back home this evening and not going.

BM sends a text an hour ago to the group chat that SO has been using since the ex-parte so there is a record, because BM behaves better on the group text w/her husband also on it, and because i have done pick-ups before. It's to coordinate drop-off for SS11. She asked if it's ok for SS11 to ride home with SS17 after the Thanksgiving dinner.

1) I didn't know SS17 was even going, 2) I didn't know SS11 or BM were going or if BM had one of SO's relatives keeping him for her like she often does, and 3) SO is sleeping until 3 or 4. I didn't answer, and if anyone calls me directly to ask, my reply will be "I don't know sh!t about f@ck." SO will have to deal when he wakes up. I am trying not to stress about his drama, especially if he isn't giving me any info on what's going on. It's constant chaos. I'm home alone with the cat cleaning and it's nice. 


JRI's picture

When he wakes up, he can deal with his family's logistics.  If you did anything, it would be "wrong" anyway.  

Nice kitty......

Rumplestiltskin's picture

So he woke up and decided not to deal with it at all. He says SS17 will figure it out. He thinks the text might mean that they are all at BM's house, not at his sister's. He has no idea where either of them are. I keep telling myself it's not my business. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

But on a positive note, kitty made it to the top of the neighbor's palm tree and back down all by herself today. It was quite an accomplishment and I'm very proud of her! 

Gimlet's picture

You titled this as a vent, so I will just say that you are a smart lady who is deserving of consideration and support and that not every relationship is constant chaos. 

The skids went and got high more than likely when they "got lost".

I hope you have a wonderful day with the cat.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

They definitely didn't get lost or make a wrong turn. What upsets me most is the recent change in SS17. Part of the custody case is that for BM to keep her child support, she and SS17 have to go to therapy. He is still not staying at BMs, ever, but he has been getting more and more secretive ever since. Disappearing and then it will turn out that he's at some function with both BM and members of SO's family. Yet he still stays with SO while SO pays BM. SO seems happy to be oblivious and just pay. 

SD22 doesn't even have the same BM as him (SS's BM actually abused both of them according to SS and SD's 25-year-old sister who shared the story not to help anyone but as a fond, funny memory), but i feel like she is a similar "shady" influence. He was never the type to disappear before, and has never been involved in drugs that i know of. The "wrong turn" story is just insulting.

StepUltimate's picture

"The skids went and got high more than likely when they "got lost"."

Suuuire, Marsha. They hooked up something. Bigtime liars.