Planning a wedding, SD12 says she objects
My bf and I have been together 5 years through his looooong and horrid divorce so I have known SD since she was 7!
Now I vent....
We are getting married in March 2013 and when he told his daughter, she cried "non stop for hours" and stated that she wasn't coming to the wedding.
I don't care....in fact, I would prefer that she stay home. Not my problem, but future dh....he's hurt!
SD said you shouldn't marry her Daddy because:
"She's a gold digger"
"She dresses inappropriately"
"Mommy said that she would never marry someone I don't approve of " (PAS, anyone?)
I don't really like this kid as a person (although, I do care about her well being)
Spoiled brat in serious need of a reality check.
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Comments
Funny thing about this kid,
Funny thing about this kid, she won't ever say things like this to me.....
Just like her Mother
Agree, you need to take
Agree, you need to take Foxie's note to heart. I have a SD that is 12 going on 6 and I see how she is becoming more and more manipulative as she gets older. Get eye level and tell that little brat she can either accept it or cry her little bratself to bed. Tell her if she tries to ruin your special day, she will clean toilets for the rest of the year.
I would tell her that if this
I would tell her that if this rule applies to her father then the same rule applies to her. She may never date anyone or marry anyone her father disapproves of.
She is probably harnessing some fantasy (encouraged by her mother no doubt) that mommy and daddy will get back together one day and she can be the bridesmaid (cue to doves and beams of sunshine).
Daddy needs to sit down and tell her that you are not a gold-digger (and why in the briefest of terms - Rottie pays her fair share of all the bills in this house and she offers to pay much more than anyone else I ever lived with-) and if her mother doesn't remarry then that is her choice. Your clothing choices are probably just fine but unlike her mother's style. BM in my world chooses to dress in sprigs of flower prints and beiges. Well that is her choice but mine is more jewel colours and black. Does this make me a trollop? No. I do not go about dressed like a Las Vegas showgirl or hook-er.
Yeah, call her out.
Hahaha, Damn, I was going to
Hahaha,
Damn, I was going to have doves and sun beams......
Guess, I will have to change my plans !
^^^^ THIS!!!! ^^^ Also, a
^^^^ THIS!!!! ^^^ Also, a 12-yo does not use those words in that combination on their own....she has been coached on what to say. Familiar with this PAS tactic in our own situation. You can always tell when they are parroting Mommie Dearest!
The best thing about my life
The best thing about my life is that somehow I managed to love him, but keep myself intact so that my self esteem doesn't suffer when she plays her mother's games.
Great post, Dreamy. I think
Great post, Dreamy. I think we should all cross-stitch this, frame it, and give it to our spouses.
(at the very least, I'm going to copy and paste it somewhere so I can memorize your wording...you put this extremely well)
^^^^ THIS ^^^^ My DH has had
^^^^ THIS ^^^^ My DH has had to do the same thing over & over & over, telling SD15 for the past 3 years, you are the child/I am the adult and you do not get to make the rules. Get over yourself. Harsh, but necessary. He might say it less harshly, but when she is sounding/acting exactly like her mother (the bitch he divorced) he has difficulty separating the two....hell....so do I.
We kind of (KIND OF) had the
We kind of (KIND OF) had the opposite situation - well, at least SD8 didn't cry to our faces. I'd known the skids since they were 18 mos/4 yrs/5 yrs old. Being as young as they were, they didn't really understand that their parents were no longer "together", and they probably don't remember a time when I WASN'T around. Anyway, SD8 was getting excited (I guess) about walking down as my jr bridesmaid and wearing a fancy new dress and getting all done up. And I (after some thinking) was fine with having them there and actually IN the wedding (it will be this Oct). But since this big altercation with BM last month, they will no longer be a part of it.
In a sense, I'm kind of relieved - they would've been a big handful that day. BUT it would've been fun to see BM's reaction once she found out they were in the wedding - we never told her or the kids the actual date; they would've just come down for their usual weekend and "SURPRISE! WE'RE GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEKEND!"...and BM wouldn't have know til AFTER so she wouldn't be able to hold the kids back or tell them to ruin things.
What irks me (I know it shouldn't) is the way BM goes on about it. Obviously, she doesn't want them in the wedding. But she will find a way to put it on FDH: if we don't have them in the wedding, she'll say "he's a jerk not to have his own kids in the wedding"...even thought she doesn't want them in it to begin with! SMH