Same issues creeping back....
Whoever quoted "Old Habits Die Hard" really hit the nail on the head.
For a while I felt my DH was doing a lot better with SD(13) when it came to her entitled, lazy attitude and lack of respect/boundaries but lately its been the same story and I'm so frustrated. I'm grieving the fresh loss of my mother so that just makes it all worse.
It is starting to change the way I see him- wheras it used to be a "strong protector" but lately I just view him as a man that gets walked all over and bossed around by a little girl. It does make it difficult to respect him when he won't even hold his daughter accountable to respect him.
This is our weekend with her and three things have really just grinded my gears and the third thing was the straw that broke the camel's back, so I finally said something and I wish I hadn't because the whole conversation was his making excuses for her. He ended it with "You're right though, I shouldn't do that so I'll stop." But I could absolutely tell it was not sincere but I just left it alone because I realized arguing wasn't going to fix it and I can't make him see an issue with any of this if it doesnt bother him enough to change it on his own.
#1- She was on the phone with one of her little friends and walks up to him on speakerphone with her friend and starts poking/teasing him and says "My dad is so gay!" He just laughed along with it. Said "thats just how we ALL goof."
#2- Let the dog out of her room in the morning and stayed in her room instead of coming down to let him potty when she let him out of her room. She's been told COUNTLESS times not to do this. He defended and said "I told her she could let him down if she hears us downstairs because we'll let him out."
#3 Walks downstairs and first words that come out of her mouth is "You're taking me too volleyball at 1 and picking me up at 2:30 and brining me back here." Even though that was supposed to be her mom's responsibility today. Doesn't ask, doesn't even say it politley, just demands. He goes "Okay." Then defended it and goes "She didn't mean it like that... she probably had a conversation with her mom and just mispoke and meant to say 'Mom asked if yu could take me...' Nope...... She knows what she said.
How would YOU feel?
Ugh...
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How I would feel
I'm flashng back to when my DD was 13. This is what I'd do:
1) Roll my eyes. I'd think she was trying to be funny.
2) Exasperating, lazy teen. "I've told you 1,000 times about this!"
3) "Who died and left you in charge?"
If it were my SD at 13:
1) Roll my eyes and let DH deal, if he chose.
2) Let DH handle and if the dog peed in the house, one of them could clean up.
3) I'd be aggravated but let DH handle.
I'm sorry about your mom. Your emotions are still raw.
Tell your DH youre too tired
Tell your DH youre too tired for seggs and have a headache every time he asks
Then when he asks why?
Tell him you've taken on too much emotional labor trying to get his daughter (or y'all's daughter now) up to par with her home training / behavior and his refusal to help is DRAINING the energy out of you
Start a p-ssy protest! (Ex if YOU don't insist this SD take responsibility for her dog, talk respectfully to everyone in this house, and have some manners/common decency for the average 13 year old .... then your behavior and what you allow to disturb my peace is turning me all the way off!)
Start dressing up looking really good and go out with androgynous named women (his mind will think you're on a mission to replace him if he doesn't get his act right)
Bet he will figure it out then.
Men act really dumb and do nothing when they think you can't/wont leave them and their shenanigans in the dust
Its Pat!
A classic Saturday Night Live character and movie.
What a savory evil suggestion Lillywy00.
"Not tonight my dear. Pat and I are going......"
"Sorry, I have plans with Topher tonight."
"Oooo. Not tonight, Cameron and I wore ourselves out on the court today."
"No husbands on this trip. I'm meeting Kai, Dakota, Morgan, Lane, Cory, and Tobie for the nude hot yoga weekend. Yogi Radha will be leading it. He is an absolute yoga genious."
"Sorry. Blair, Casey, Parker, Riley and I have a friends weekend. See you Sunday night. Buh-bye"
Ha!
DH, why don't you love your
DH, why don't you love your daughter enough to be the parent she needs? You are way to old to be her bestie.
No! is the only answer when idiot partners spawn idiot progeny.
No!
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Aw Hon,
Aw Hon,
I was so sad to hear of your mother’s death! My own mother died 6 years ago and I still miss her. For at least a year after her death, I was mad at the world, cried at the drop of a hat and was very impatient. It’s easy to understand that your spoiled SD is more aggravating than usual, particularly since she’s reached that impossible stage of 13-15 when girls are insufferable.
Honestly, Rose, the 3 incidents that you’ve mentioned are not so very bad; your SD teasing her dad is pretty standard behaviour between teen girls and their fathers if the relationship is easy and relaxed. Forgetting about her instructions concerning the dog is also common as is the entitled attitude of, "You're taking me too volleyball at 1 and picking me up at 2:30 and brining me back here."
When my biological daughters were teens, their shortcomings were a lot more tolerable than similar conduct from my SD. When it’s someone else’s child misbehaving, one is a lot less likely to put up with it.
In this situation, with your heart still aching, it’s time to disengage from your SD and let your DH take care of the discipline without any input from you; it’ll only make him defensive and cause you more upset than can endure at this awful time.
Since your DS is about 6 ½ months old by now, he’s probably keeping you busy enough to distract you from your annoying SD and babies at that age are so adorable and engaging! BTW, is your MIL still harping on about her wonderful granddaughter or has she finally realized that she also has a wonderful new grandson?
Soldier on, Hon, this too shall pass. ♥️