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Rona_dee's picture

Submitted by Rona_dee on Thu, 01/14/2021 - 4:33pm

So I have a situation. 4 years ago I started a relationship with someone who had two young children from a previous relationship. After ALOT of work and time we happily moved in together 2 years ago. As a family we went on holiday, shared cinema experience and spent Christmas together. Along with this I cooked , cleaned, helped home school with the two kids and I started to refer to them as my own kids. I just love them so much.
However over the last 6 months I started feeling the relationship was not for me. Since leaving now 8 weeks ago all I do is think about his kids. I truly feel Im mourning the lose of children. I feel surely other woman or men have went through this experience but we get no support. My ex has said I am welcome to come down and visit but I cannot do that as it might get very complicated and be upsetting for the kids. So I guess I'm reaching out to ask you to discuss this topic. I surely cannot be in this position? Feel very alone. 

Any advice? 

 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Thu, 01/14/2021 - 5:30pm

You were very close to the children and did a lot with and for them.  I think it's natural that you are grieving that loss.  I agree it would not be a good idea to visit them, it would confuse them.  They might be grieving, too.  

Is there some way you can channel your love?  A pet?  I'm so sorry you are going thru this, that's the price we pay for the pleasure of loving someone.

Rona_dee's picture

Submitted by Rona_dee on Fri, 01/15/2021 - 3:47pm

I know. I feel awful for them. Its not the kids fault, and don't want to think I've just abandoned them. I feel my ex probably hasn't explained the situation fully for them to understand Sad I left very quickly so never got a chance to say goodbye either. I did write them a letter but again them being so young not sure if my ex would of let them see it. 

I might by some fish when I'm more settled a dog will be too mush effort lol 

NattyLocsQueen's picture

Submitted by NattyLocsQueen on Thu, 01/14/2021 - 7:29pm

Im so sorry for how you are feeling, sis. To feel the loss of children is only because you have developed a love and bond with and towards them. Yes, I don't think it is a good thing to go back, at least, right now. You do not want him also trying to use the kids as a reason to pull you back in. 'If that is the case". Sending hugs and good vibes your way.